Scene: A break-room in a corporate office. It’s early, and employees are just starting to trickle in to begin their busy workday. Suddenly, a shrill, high-pitched shriek cuts through the early morning hustle and bustle…
Janice from Accounting: What’s the matter? I heard a little girl scream…
Jack: Ummmm… that was me.
Janice from Accounting: You?
Jack: Somebody brought a big box of donuts.
Janice from Accounting: So?
Jack: There’re still warm. See?
Janice from Accounting: How many have you touched?
Jack: Ummm… how many did you see me touch?
Janice from Accounting: What’s the big deal with donuts?
Jack: Think about it: they’re nothing more than refined sugar and flour, artificial flavors and partially hydrogenated oil that’s loaded with trans fats. There’s no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
Janice from Accounting: They make me happy!
Jack: They’re evil… and this appears to be a job… FOR THE AMAZING DIETER-MAN!
Janice from Accounting: You can’t change clothes in the break-room, Jack!
Jack: No time to argue right now! I need to… crap! I thought I was wearing my Amazing Dieter-Man pants underneath my slacks…
Janice from Accounting: What are you supposed to be anyway?
Jack:
I’ll tell you, Janice from Accounting!
Dieter-Man, Dieter-Man
Eats whatever’s on his dieter plan.
Prepares a meal, real low-cal.
He is really losing it, pal.
Cook Out!
Here comes the Dieter-Man.
Is he committed?
It’s no jive.
He’s got radioactive drive.
Can he jog on the road?
He’s in super-exercise mode.
Hey, there
There goes the Dieter-Man.
During the course of the day,
He shows grit and determination.
He avoids the buffet.
He can fight off any temptation.
Dieter-Man, Dieter-Man
Hungry neighborhood Dieter-Man.
Cake and pie,
He’s ignored.
Losses are his great reward.
He leaves food on his plate, boss.
Whenever there’s a weight loss,
You’ll find the Dieter-Man.
Stupid Skinny Intern: Why’s that guy standing on the table? What’s wrong with him?
Janice from Accounting: I don’t know where to start…
Stupid Skinny Intern: Donuts? Cool!
Jack Sh*t is the madman behind the weight-loss/healthy living site Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit (http://jackfit.blogspot.com). For over two years, Jack has chronicled his efforts to forever leave behind Obese City, and has garnered a worldwide audience with his lighthearted approach to lightening up. He resides in a city in North America.
