Dolly Stearns With AlignUp Coaching

Intro: [00:00:02] Broadcasting live from the Business RadioX Studios in Atlanta, Georgia, it’s time for Coach the Coach Radio brought to you by the Business RadioX ambassador program, the no-cost business development strategy for coaches who want to spend more time serving local business clients and less time selling them. Go to BRXambassador.com to learn more. Now, here’s your host.

Lee Kantor: [00:00:33] Lee Kantor here, another episode of Coach the Coach Radio, and this is going to be a fun one. Today we have with us Dolly Stearns with AlignUp coaching. Welcome, Dolly.

Dolly Stearns: [00:00:43] Thanks so much for having me.

Lee Kantor: [00:00:45] Well, before we get too far into things, tell us about a lineup coaching, how you serve in folks.

Dolly Stearns: [00:00:50] I am a specializing in working with leaders, entrepreneurs, teams, those who are wanting to move from stock to success faster and also hit their goals and do it with balance, which seems to be a hot ticket right now.

Lee Kantor: [00:01:04] So what’s your back story? How’d you get into coaching?

Dolly Stearns: [00:01:07] Oh, my gosh. I have had an almost 20 year career in direct sales and have the the blessing, an opportunity to work with some amazing coaches throughout that time and just got inspired with how they helped to motivate and make things clear for me. And I thought, oh, my goodness, could I do this in a broader way and serve more people by transitioning into becoming a successful leadership coach? And so this has been one of the most rewarding periods of my life working with clients in this way.

Lee Kantor: [00:01:39] So talk about what it’s like to work with you. What is the challenge that this individual was having, like like you mentioned, being stuck? Are they just frustrated? Like, what are some of the symptoms of stuff like what is stuck look like for someone? Yes.

Dolly Stearns: [00:01:54] What does stuck look like? That is a fantastic question. So the theme that I’m hearing right now is that so many people are trying to juggle not just their business, because we know life isn’t just about our business. We have other habits that we’re wearing. So being a parent, being a spouse, having endeavors outside of work, and how do we make all of those things work and come together and serve our bigger vision for our life? And so stuck is looking like, oh my gosh, I feel like I’m putting all of my eggs in this basket and I have nothing left to bring to the table for family and friends and this bigger idea of what I want my life to be like. So how do I balance that and still be successful in the areas that are important to me? So stucks seems to be the big word that I’m hearing right now. And it does look different for everybody.

Lee Kantor: [00:02:43] So now when you were coaching and then when you say, you know what, I’m going to be a coach, that mental shift of, you know, taking on that responsibility. How did you kind of go about coming up with this? I don’t know if it’s a philosophy or if it’s a strategy or some of the tenets of how you’re going to deliver this coaching. Like how did you build the coaching program?

Dolly Stearns: [00:03:12] That is a fantastic question. So I think a lot of it taking from my own experience. So initially started working with a lot of women because that was the field that I was working in and especially coming into the pandemic where people were having to put multiple hats on. Kids are at home, families at home. And so using that as the launching pad to really acknowledge and validate what it was that they had going on with trying to be all things to all people. So as I was stepping into really focusing on full time coaching, I thought, what is the thing that people feel like they’re not getting right now? One of them was I feel like I’m not being able to be successful in any lane. And so really stepping up to be that person to acknowledge what it was that they were struggling with, to let them know that I was hearing them, because that was something I felt as a single mom for so long trying to build a business. It’s like I don’t have any connection. Nobody’s hearing what’s really going on with me. So bringing that into my coaching and making sure that that’s the very first thing that we cover is, oh, my gosh, I hear you. And while my experience may not be exactly like yours, it makes total sense that you’re having this feeling of feeling stuck or you’re having this feeling of feeling frustrated. And so by doing that acknowledgment at the front and making sure that they really know that I am hearing what’s going on with them, it really paves the way for us to do some significant work together to find out what’s important to them and help move them closer to that goal.

Lee Kantor: [00:04:44] Do you find that a lot of times your clients are kind of self sabotaging themselves or they’re not aiming high enough? They’re kind of settling like, what are you? Is there a threat of kind of common challenges that you see when you’re working with folks?

Dolly Stearns: [00:04:58] So self sabotage? That is definitely something that I’m hearing. And it’s it’s not even so much that they’re making conscious decisions to do that. It’s really unconscious. There’s a dialog that’s often happening in their head. That’s it’s almost like poking the balloon and watching the air come out of these goals that they have because the voice can be so loud in their head. I refer to it kind of like having Darth Vader in one side of your head telling, you know, this is too big. Nope. You shouldn’t go after that. Here, let me show you all the evidence of why this isn’t going to work or you’re not good enough. And so I focus on supporting them to tune in more to the sage, that Yoda part of their head. And I know that sounds kind of crazy, but it really does make such a difference. And to be able to almost put imagery and be able to label it helps them to start differentiating it, especially demurrage differentiating it from who they are. So now it’s oh my gosh, this saboteur in my head is saying X, Y, Z versus this is who I am.

Lee Kantor: [00:06:01] And then once that kind of aha moment happens, then things become a lot clearer. Right. Then the next step becomes a lot more obvious.

Dolly Stearns: [00:06:10] Yes. And we we often when I’m working with a client, check in with their older, wiser selves. So when we are in those moments of stockroom, my gosh, I don’t know the choice to make or it seems like I have so many options, then it becomes OK. So if you were to sit down with your older, wiser self at the end of your life and have a conversation about what’s important about this moment right now, what would your elder wiser self say? And most often we know and sometimes it’s that we know, but we’re afraid to act. And so we again go back to that elder wise yourself. What are they going to say is important about what you need to do right now? And I operate from the position that my client really knows the best answer for themselves most of the time. It’s not that they don’t know what to do. There’s something in the middle. And so by really touching base that they’re elder wise herself, it helps them to get unstuck and start moving forward. There’s a lot of clarity that happens around that

Lee Kantor: [00:07:09] Now when a person is kind of looking at it from the perspective of how they want the story to end. And I’m guessing that’s what that elder wiser self is telling them. Right. Like, if you want to achieve this, this is how the story can end if you want to to end this way. Then they know kind of then they can see what the end looks like and then they can see what the step before the end looks like, and then it kind of draws a path for them where they are today to start kind of working towards that end goal.

Dolly Stearns: [00:07:41] Absolutely. And it’s it’s kind of like the carrot versus the stick. So if you can identify how you want the story to end, it does you set it, it pulls them forward, which is a whole different energy than the stick, which is, you know, the pushing and trying to get away from the thing that’s going to be painful. And so, you know, the stick will work. It’ll get you to where you want to go. But the peace and the happiness in the balance that somebody is looking for along the way may not happen. Whereas if we’re operating from this being pulled to this amazing thing, hold to how we want the story to end. You can have both the goal and the achievement and the mastery and the peace and the joy and the balance along the way. And who doesn’t want that as their journey?

Lee Kantor: [00:08:27] I think everybody wants that. But there sometimes for folks there’s a fear or something they’re afraid of that might be causing kind of this paralysis where they’re afraid to take that next move. And that next move might be a scary next move, then. It could be difficult, but it could be something that they can it’ll kind of reveal that maybe that isn’t really what they want or that they feel deep down that they’re not good enough to to take that next step. Like fear kind of rears its head in a lot of different ways for a lot of different people. And it prevents them from taking the action. They they say they want to. At least

Dolly Stearns: [00:09:05] That’s true. Absolutely. And so the question becomes, you know, if you don’t move forward with this. Right. So we want to look at all the pieces. So if you don’t move forward, what’s the cost like really? What’s the cost to you? And are you OK with that? Because sometimes we’re like, all right, well, maybe it wasn’t as important. And then the other side of the coin is what are going to be the benefits? And sometimes it’s as simple as the ones they’ve identified. The cost is higher than I want to pay. I can see the benefits are going to be amazing. Then the question can become, what do you need to believe in order to move just just a moment forward, just the next best step. What do you need to believe? And and so sometimes we’re taking little incremental steps. It’s not always about the big leaps. It’s about those incremental steps. And how can you how can you be confident and knowing that this next step is going to take you to the next thing and the next thing and also be OK with if you need to take the side road? Because sometimes that happens, like how many of us have set a goal for ourselves? And then we’re like about halfway there. We’re like, I don’t know if this is exactly the way I want it to look. And so what do we need to be OK with to take a little bit of a detour? I know I’ve experienced that in my life and with so many of my clients, they’ve experienced that as well. So what do we need to believe and and what do we need to know to be OK with with making the side step?

Lee Kantor: [00:10:31] Yeah, one of my favorite books is called The Obstacle is the Way. And a lot of people try to spend their life avoiding obstacles. But if you just realize that obstacles are just part of your journey and that going around them are over or under them or through them is just part of the journey and not kind of use them as an excuse or as an insurmountable hurdle, you’ll find that the journey you did, like you said, just take that next step. What are you going to do in one second from now? Just incrementally, just improve a little bit and then, you know, amazing things can happen.

Dolly Stearns: [00:11:06] Yes, yes, and another word that comes up a lot between stuff is stress, right? So I’m feeling stressed about this decision or stress about this thing that’s happened. And the thing is, and this is such a bigger concept, even I have to sit with it for a minute, is that stress is created either by thinking of things that are coming, the potential things that are coming or things that have happened. It’s really not about being in the moment. So if we can just recognize that really, yes, we can pre plan for things that are coming, but we’re really just in this moment. So how do we want to experience this moment and those obstacles that could happen? Absolutely they could. But if we’re going to make up stories, why don’t we make up some good ones, too, as opposed to the oh, my gosh, this obstacle is going to be so big I can’t surmount it. Yes, that could be true. And what’s the and what are some other possibilities now?

Lee Kantor: [00:12:02] Do you find that? I don’t know if this is just a human nature thing, but when people imagine a future, a lot of times they go negative and they think about all the negative ramifications of it and they don’t kind of play out all the positive outcomes. Is that something that you see in folks who work with.

Dolly Stearns: [00:12:23] Yes, I. I think you’ve hit it on the head with that is that human nature thing. And I think that goes back to caveman days where, oh my gosh, if I wasn’t planning on this worst case scenario, I would get eaten by the lion kind of a thing that Bush wrestling over there. It’s got to be something bad on the other side of it. And I don’t think that we’ve necessarily developed over time sometimes to recognize that that rustling of the bushes. Yes, it could be the lion. It could also be a lot of other things. And so I think it’s a protection mechanism and that can make life feel hard. It can make our life experience hard, not just for ourselves, but the people who are closest to us. And it feels like a struggle. And so I think one of the things that I love doing is exploring all the possibilities, not even all of the possibilities, because we don’t know what all the possibilities are. But inviting somebody to go, OK, yes, this could be it. And what else could it be and what else could it be? And when I have a client who gets stuck, it’s one of my favorite things to do is to say, I want you to think of the most ridiculous thing that this could mean, because that really helps to get us unstuck. And then we lighten the mood and we’re laughing and exploring all of the possibilities and not evaluating it. Is that really possible? But just what could it be? And it really creating this large list of possibilities and then choosing the one or two that allows us to move forward as opposed to. Well, it’s got to be the worst case scenario. It could and it could be something else

Lee Kantor: [00:14:04] Now in your practice. How important is kind of building this community of entrepreneurs and leaders, is that part of what you offer the people that you work with it? This is kind of a safe place for folks that are like minded to get together and really help each other get to the to get to a new level.

Dolly Stearns: [00:14:26] Yes, actually. So I do a lot of one on one work and I also do a lot of group work. And I love the group work because we have so much more in common than not. And so it does provide that safe space of knowing that, oh my gosh, somebody else might be experiencing this. And then everybody gets to bring their collective wisdom to the table in a safe environment where things are held sacred and they can be just 10 percent more vulnerable and that 10 percent more vulnerable is how relationships and trust is built. And so I love the collaboration because I learned in the process as well, and I am the consummate student, but it just it creates a connection and a thread where I think we’re not feeling so isolated. And as entrepreneurs and leaders, often it can feel isolating, like we’re on this path by ourselves instead of bringing people together in a group where they’re recognizing, oh my gosh, somebody else is walking the same road as I am or somebody who’s done through this thing and they’re on the other side. And what’s the wisdom that I can take from what they have going on? So I think there’s a time and place for both one on one and for group collaboration, and it’s exciting for both of those pieces.

Lee Kantor: [00:15:41] Now, if somebody wants to learn more and have a more substantive conversation with you or somebody on your team, what is the website

Dolly Stearns: [00:15:50] They can go to w w w a line up Alija, end up now dot com. And if they put forward slash free, they can set up a 90 minute discovery and coaching call with me. I’d love to collaborate.

Lee Kantor: [00:16:06] Wow. That’s very generous. 90 minutes to really kind of dig in there and see if there’s some help you can give somebody or to just see if it’s a right fit. That’s very generous.

Dolly Stearns: [00:16:17] Thank you.

Lee Kantor: [00:16:19] Well, thank you so much for sharing your story today

Dolly Stearns: [00:16:22] And appreciate the time with you. My pleasure.

Lee Kantor: [00:16:26] And one more time, it’s a line up now. Dot com is a website, allegan up, A.W. dot com. And if you do slash for free, you can get on Dollis calendar. Thank you again for sharing your story. You’re doing important work and we appreciate you.

Dolly Stearns: [00:16:43] Thanks, Lee.

Lee Kantor: [00:16:44] All right. This is Lee Kantor. We’ll see you next time on Coach the Coach Radio.