Roberta Bensky with Bensky Consulting

Intro: Broadcasting live from the Business RadioX studios in Atlanta, Georgia. It’s time for High Velocity Radio.

Stone Payton: Welcome to the High Velocity Radio show, where we celebrate top performers producing better results in less time. Stone Payton here with you this morning. This is going to be a good one. Please join me in welcoming to the broadcast with the Bensky Consulting LLC, the lady herself, Roberta Bensky. How are you?

Roberta Bensky: Well, I’m doing well. We’ve got a beautiful day here, and that always makes things easier. And I’m so pleased to be talking to you, Stone.

Stone Payton: Oh, we’re going to have so much fun and learn a great deal. I think a good place to start would be if you could share with me and our listeners mission. Purpose? What are you really out there trying to do for folks, Roberta?

Roberta Bensky: Well, a couple of things. I am a professional development coach, so what I’m really trying to do is to help people become themselves. Um, I’ve worked with a lot of leaders who ended up in leadership because it was just a hierarchical move, and they had a very low level of self-awareness, which I think is so key to being a good, empathetic and strong leader. And so as a coach, my mission is to bring people to themselves. Um, you know, there’s a I’m a gestalt, uh, gestalt coach, and there’s something called the paradoxical theory of change, which was put forward by, um, a gestalt psychologist, Arnold Bowser. And he says that genuine change occurs when you become who you are and not something that you’re trying to be. And so my mission is to help leaders and, uh, others in, uh, in professional settings to become more of who they are.

Stone Payton: So tell us a little bit about the the journey to becoming a coach. My experience has been when I’ve asked this question before, that it’s rarely a straight line. Yeah.

Roberta Bensky: Well, I actually tried to put together a straight line. And if you’ll just bear with me and don’t roll your eyes. Um, I’ve decided that it started when I was 11 years old, and I, we moved to Canada, and I had missed half a year of beginning French. And so in order to catch me up, they sent a woman to my home at 11 years old, a French tutor, to catch me up, and she was French and working with her. I decided I wanted to be French, not just learn French, but be French. And 20 years later, I actually accepted a job with an international organization in Paris, and I moved there and spent a while trying to be French. And of course it never really works. After a few reels, after a few years, I kind of realized that instead of being French, I needed to be me in France. And that was such a revelation. And as I was working in this international organization, I. I climbed up the ladder, I became a manager, and I had very little experience managing managing people. I knew about managing projects, but not people. And I also noticed that many of my peers around me were also struggling with being a manager. And so it was kind of through that that I thought, well, what is a good manager? And through reading books and talking in quality circles, I realized that it’s really about knowing oneself and being oneself in a variety of contexts. So instead of being French, I was me. In France, I moved to Norway instead of being Norwegian. I was me and Norway, but I did have to adapt to a variety of contexts. And I think for me it was about how leaders and managers can become the very best, and it is being themselves in a variety of contexts.

Stone Payton: So walk us through what the work looks like on both sides of the table. I guess I’d be interested in hearing. Is it is it conversation? Is it one on one? Is it group kind of stuff or a little bit of all of that?

Roberta Bensky: Well, it’s all of that. I mean, I’m a gestalt coach, and what that means is I’ve integrated some of the tenets of Gestalt therapy into the coaching practice, and that’s what I studied. So I work with individuals. There are, um, coaches who work with groups. That’s another area of training which I intend to pursue in the next year or so. Um, and so I work with individuals for the most part. Now, there are a couple of different types of coaches. One, when I was studying, there were about two thirds of the cohort that were internal coaches, meaning that they were working within an organization, often within the HR department, and they were also learning how to be a coach and coach their colleagues. And then there were those of us like me, who were external coaches, meaning that we did not work for any organization. And we’re trying to create a business where we help individuals at any kind of all different kinds of professional levels, um, to, to be the best that they can be. So a session with an individual, for me, first of all, it’s a it’s a one hour session. It usually starts with a recognition that there are two of us in a space, and that the client may be coming from a particularly busy, maybe a stressful point. And so I usually ask my clients, is there something you’d like to do to come into this space and sometimes it’s a breathing exercise. Sometimes clients need to stand up and move around a bit, and sometimes people want to get right into it.

Roberta Bensky: So in in Gestalt coaching there’s no hierarchy. So my job as a coach is to let the client and to facilitate the client to do what they need to do. So once that is over and the the client feels like they’re in the space and I often participate with them, especially if it’s a breathing exercise. So we’re both in this space. The first thing I ask is, so what’s on your mind? Or it might also be what’s taking your energy at the moment. Gestalt coaching deals primarily with the here and now, so we’re not looking back on what’s your experience as a leader? What have you done in the past? What would you like to change. But we’re looking at is what’s going on here and now. And it often is related back to history. It can be related back to family. It can be related back to adolescence, many things. But as a gestalt coach, my my job is to bring the client into the here and now. So if they’re talking about something that might have happened in their childhood, I’d say so how does that affect you in your work right now? And that’s what we work on. Um, and so there’s also a structure to each session. There’s a, um, we start with a kind of contracting an agreement, um, where the client can define what they want to work on in the session.

Roberta Bensky: The client also defines how they will measure success at the end of a session. That is the contracting phase. And as a coach, my job is to make sure that we stick to that contract. And I do that by checking in about halfway through the session, asking the client, so how are we doing? How do you feel about what you started out wanting to talk about and where we are now? Sometimes the theme changes, and so it’s also my job to say I feel like that. The change, the theme has changed a bit here. Is this your experience? And then we do a recontracting. Um, totally. Again, up to the client and then towards the end, with about 15, 15 minutes left, it’s my job to bring the session to a good close. And that means that there is a final check in to say, okay, so this is what we’ve talked about. What are some of the key takeaways for you? I would also ask clients to identify some actions that they can take between now and the next time that we meet, because there is also an accountability element. Um, I would also ask them, so if this is what you’d like to do, what could get in the way of you doing it? What would be obstacles? And if there are obstacles, how would you mitigate those? And then we end with just a, you know, anything else you’d like to add. And we end right on time. That’s my job.

Stone Payton: Well it at once. It sounds simple at some level, but incredibly powerful to just meet people where they are and work on what they want to, what they want to work on. Huh?

Roberta Bensky: Absolutely. And you know, the client is in the the client is in control. The client is in charge. Um, what I’ve learned is a methodology that will help ask certain questions, um, reflect on perhaps movements or a change in a person’s body language and reflect that back to them and say, you know, I’ve just noticed a change. Do you want to talk about that? What’s going on? Um, Gestalt coaching also deals a lot with, um, with the physical being. So there is as a coach, my job is to, um, to acknowledge and to observe change in breathing, physical movement, etc., because often a client is not aware of that, but there’s a very powerful message involved in that. So as a coach, I might point that out to the client. Otherwise, the client is the one that you know, that decides and determines how a session goes. It’s my job just to ask probing, open questions and to observe.

Stone Payton: You touched on earlier in the conversation this idea of self-awareness. And when it’s lacking, um, maybe you’re not anywhere near your best. Can you speak more to this this concept of self-awareness and what you’ve seen in your practice regarding the the power of it once you can unleash it?

Roberta Bensky: Yeah. Well, first of all, I want to say that self-awareness is something that I work on all the time. And as a coach, it’s even more important for me to work on that. And I have a mentor coach, for example, so that I’m working on this continuously. So self-awareness is about knowing who you are And how who you are affects what you do. So as a leader, if you find that you have patterns where you are unable to deal with certain conflicts at work, there may be a pattern where, um, you are getting feedback that is, you know, room for improvement. The idea is, is that by knowing who you are, you’ll understand why that is happening, and only through that can you change it. Um, you know, I’ve been in a lot of training courses and I’ve read a lot of books where the the message I’ve taken away is do this, do that, be this, be that. And it never really worked for me. And what has worked is when I bring more of myself into what I, what I’m doing and when I’m working with. And, you know, we hear a lot of people talking about being one’s authentic self. And it’s so important for a leader and a manager to demonstrate how self-awareness can go a long way into reaching goals and objectives and being a good communicator. And by doing so, the managers that they’re bringing up in an organization have a very powerful model to to work after.

Stone Payton: So in your experience to date, and you’re clearly a very well established practitioner, how does the whole sales and marketing thing work? Like how do you get the the, the new business and the opportunity to do this work?

Roberta Bensky: Oh, it is so hard, Stone. And it’s one of the, one of the things that I, I didn’t think it would be easy. I thought it would be, um, a little more straightforward. So as I mentioned, there are internal coaches and external coaches, and I think external coaches have great advantages and also great challenges. So as an external coach, you know, we can take clients in all different walks of life, uh, all different places in their life. Um, but as an external coach, we also have to be looking after business. Now, I thought that knowing what I know about management, and I have been a manager and I have been a leader, and then mixing that with a methodology of coaching that I know and can see really helps people. I thought, well, you know, that’s my business and I would like to make a living doing that. And it’s proven much more challenging than I imagined. Um, coaching, first of all, coaching is often a medium term engagement. It’s very different from a therapeutic engagement where therapy can often last years and years. Coaching is very goal oriented and very objective oriented. And so it’s more of a medium term engagement, meaning that there’s a very high turnaround of of clients. So you’re constantly looking or I’m constantly looking for for new clients.

Roberta Bensky: Um, I also realized that, you know, learning, having a, having gone through, um, the education necessary and then having coached a certain number of hours to get accreditation from not only the Gestalt Institute, but also from the kind of gold standard International Coaching Federation. I thought once I had the first level of coaching, um, that meant a lot, and it really did. It’s 100 hours of coaching, it’s, um, 60 hours of education. And then there’s a very challenging test. But that really doesn’t stand for much, especially in a context, um, where there are a lot of high achievers in, uh, in a place, for example, I live in Washington DC. Um, these are very high achievers people, extremely well Well-educated, a lot of competition, and a lot of organizations that I know of are looking for at least the second of three levels of accreditation, and it’s a bit of a, of a, um, carrot and, and um, uh, what is the other thing? It’s a bit of a carrot and stick. Thank you. Um, where in order to get accreditation, you need to have coaching hours. In order to have coaching hours, you need accreditation. So this is something that I’m managing all the time. Um, and of course, the coaching hours, um, there can be a certain percentage that is pro bono, which is really nice to be able to have that opportunity, but most of them have to be paid coaching hours, which is also a bit of a challenge.

Roberta Bensky: Uh, so when I was doing my practicum during my, um, during my training, it seemed fairly easy to get, um, to get clients. And that was because I had a, you know, a sliding scale. It was, you know, clients could pay as little as a dollar. The point was for me to get practice and to to work with people who were willing to, you know, kind of take a bet on me as a student. Um, after my accreditation, I thought, well, now people are going to be, you know, knocking on my door, banging it down, wanting me, and it’s just not happening. Um, first of all, there’s a lot of competition in the Washington, DC area. There’s a lot of need, but a lot of competition. And so I’m really struggling with the business side. Um, I know that there are kind of network. I’ve been I’ve been given a lot of advice, and one piece of advice I got very early on from a coach was, you are not going to be able to make a living doing this.

Roberta Bensky: And I remember when the coach told me that I felt kind of a my stomach just fell and I thought, that’s not that’s not what I’m looking for and it’s not possible. And, you know, throughout our lives, we often have people who will tell us what we can’t do. And what I’m looking for is people who will tell me how to do what I want to do. So I am determined to make a living from this, a modest living. And it may mean that I’m also doing, you know, a side gig, which is which is what I’m doing right now to, to get an income. Um, but I’m struggling in the, the, the coaching education. They give a very, very superficial overview of marketing. And I think then it’s kind of everyone to their own. I also think that as people who are, um, you know, kind of concerned with individuals growth and, um, and helping them, we’re probably not the most business savvy people in the world. Um, so, you know, I need to, to learn about, you know, the business. I need to learn what I can do with myself and being myself that feels comfortable to engage more clients. And I’m struggling with that.

Stone Payton: So you mentioned a little while ago, I think, that you have a coach as well. You have you have mentors, you have people that you go to. And as you continue on this journey, don’t you?

Roberta Bensky: I do. I have a mentor coach. She’s fantastic. I sought her out. Um, she has a slightly different path and training than I, um, but, you know, if I’m coaching, I want to be a better coach. And to be a better coach. I want to be better at being coached. Uh, and so having a mentor coach, first of all, it’s a requirement for, um, you know, going to the next level in the International Coaching Federation’s accreditation. But it’s also so important to have someone where I have a safe space, especially if I have a challenging client. I want to, you know, talk to someone and say, you know, this is challenging for me. Um, can can we can we talk through this? Can you help me to understand this? And as my mentor coach, that’s exactly what she does. So it’s a huge benefit to me. And I also learn more about coaching from the way that she coaches.

Stone Payton: So what’s next for you? I think you mentioned that you might be looking at having some sort of structure for group coaching or using some, some additional mechanisms from, from the one on one. Is that accurate?

Roberta Bensky: Well, the group coaching is another level of education. And it’s it’s so interesting interesting to me. You know, I’ve spent most of my career working in, um, international organizations that work with development and humanitarian assistance. And I know that coaching would be so helpful to people in these kinds of environments, especially in the humanitarian field, because people reach high burnout and, you know, they’re often back at headquarters after being out in the field for for some time and to have a group to coach to talk through some of the things that they’ve been through and to help them become better at being a director out in the field or an administrative leader out in the field. I think it would be so helpful. And so I do want to get accreditation with group coaching on the individual side. I’m hoping that I can become a little bit more savvy in the business, go to a few more networking events. You know, there are local chapters of the International Coaching Federation. Um, I belong to the one in Northern Virginia. There’s also one in DC that I will, um, join and see about making some contacts. Networking is not me being me.

Roberta Bensky: It’s not something that comes naturally for me. So it’s something that pushes me a little bit out of my comfort zone, and if it can help raise my own awareness about how best to to, um, to experience and to market my skills, then I’m very willing to, to try that. So I’m under constant construction. Um, the individual clients, a lot of it is word of mouth. People that I have, um, coached have, uh, sent me very nice testimonials which are up on my website. Um, and just trying to get noticed a bit more locally, um, doing more pro bono coaching. Um, you know, here in Washington DC, there’s been a recent spate of of layoffs of federal workers, and the coaching community has really jumped into action. And they’ve, um, started a kind of community where we can offer pro bono services to federal workers who are needing to to regroup and to figure out what their next steps are. Um, having thought that the federal job was something that was long term and that they had committed their, their professional lives to. So it’s just doing more of the same.

Stone Payton: What a marvelous phrase and idea under constant construction. I’m going to steal that. I love that.

Roberta Bensky: You’re welcome to it. I think we’re all under constant construction. And, you know, if we ever stop being under construction, then I think that’s where there’s a problem.

Stone Payton: Well, you’ve been remarkably candid and transparent about some of the challenges, and clearly you’re working through them. On the other side of the coin, what are you finding the most rewarding about the work these days? What’s what’s the most fun about it for you?

Roberta Bensky: It is so incredibly powerful to see how individuals can change in a very short period of time, and that they do it themselves. So, you know, initially I know a lot about Gestalt therapy. I’ve been in therapy at different times in my life, and there’s much more of a hierarchy. There’s a therapist who’s kind of the expert, and you go to them with with problems and they help you work through them. And I found, you know, just incredibly good things coming out of my work in therapy. But as a coach, it’s almost the opposite of what a therapist does. It’s someone who sits back, doesn’t react, listens a lot, and learning those skills was such a challenge for me. And when I see that when I do that, it works and people come to their own conclusions and they realize the power in themselves, it is incredibly gratifying. We also have fun. You know, these are these are people who have, you know, challenges in life. And they they need to laugh every now and then. Um, the The Gestalt coaching also works a lot with experimentation, and so I may propose an experiment to a client. And if they accept to do it, that can also be incredibly powerful. So being an observer of the power that people have to know themselves and to change is so rewarding.

Stone Payton: So I’m going to switch gears on you for a moment, if I might. What what, uh, interests? Hobbies? Pursuits. What do you do when you’re not coaching that you really enjoy?

Roberta Bensky: I well, I do have a job as an editor. I work with an international organization, um, editing documents to make them clear and concise and to make sure that the messages are messages come out. Um, a lot of times, people who work in these organizations, they’re economists, engineers and and being succinct is not their greatest, um, asset. So I help with that, I help making the message clearer. And then when I’m not doing that, I am on my bike. I started writing about six years ago and I have done many rides. I’m not a fast rider. I’m not a racing, but I have great fun going on rides around the DC area. There are some really good trails here. I’ve been outside of the country. I rode from London to Paris with a friend of mine over six days, and this is just remarkable. And, you know, being on a bike is it’s a little bit like, like coaching. And that I am in a space that is such a safe space for me and such a rich, um, thoughtful space that I just love being there. So I am on my bike as often as I can.

Stone Payton: Well, and I have to believe when you give yourself an opportunity to do something like that in a completely different space. Fully immerse yourself in that. That when you emerge from that and come back to the work. I gotta believe it makes you even a better practitioner.

Roberta Bensky: You think I would think anything that is that is involves self care. It makes me a better practitioner. So it can be something physical. It can be something emotional, it can be something spiritual. You know, being under construction means that you know you’re building. And this is one way that I build a way to meet my clients where they are by being where I am.

Stone Payton: Yeah. Before we wrap, let’s leave our listeners, if we could, with a pro tip for producing better results in less time within the context of this conversation. And look, guys, you know, I’m thinking the number one pro tip here is reach out and have a conversation with Roberta. But, uh, between now and then, let’s leave them with a little something to to chew on. Roberta.

Roberta Bensky: Yeah, well, thank you for that stone. Um, my my pro tip is, um, it’s a couple of things. One is, uh, you know, people will tell you no, but there are people who will tell you. Yes, or they will tell you, um, let’s look at that and let me help. And so find those people. Find your champions. Um, and the other thing is for me, never stop, uh, learning. Never stop constructing yourself. Never stop building. Um, and then finally, the thing that is so difficult for most of us to do is to listen, listen, listen, listen.

Stone Payton: What’s the best way for our listeners to continue to tap into your work and and stay connected to you?

Roberta Bensky: Well, I do have a website. Uh, it’s bensky consulting.com. Um, I also am on LinkedIn. Roberta Bensky and, uh, people can find me there and they can find me on my website. I would be very happy to have a conversation with people, talk a little bit more about, um, what we can do together and see if there’s a good fit.

Stone Payton: Roberta, it has been an absolute delight having you on the broadcast this morning. Thank you for for your insight.

Roberta Bensky: You’re welcome. It’s been my pleasure. I’ve enjoyed this and I’ve learned a lot, too. Thank you.

Stone Payton: My pleasure. All right, until next time. This is Stone Payton for our guest today, Roberta Bensky and everyone here at the Business RadioX family saying we’ll see you in the fast lane.