Jay H. Tepley is an author, entrepreneur, international speaker and passionate mental health advocate.
A lifelong geek and a research aficionado, she helps entrepreneurs overcome depression through her proven masculine-geared system of spiritual evolution. Her Unbreakable ONE program has shown many men the road to personal power and renewed hope, and is credited with saving many lives. She has spent the last 20 years teaching and coaching students around the globe.
Her charity work supporting mental health has been featured in the Guardian, The Jeremy Vine Show and BBC 1.
When she’s not teaching or writing, Jay enjoys reading about Japan where she studied and lived for a time (she also speaks fluent Japanese, and her unique novel, the Lightwatch Chronicles, begins in Tokyo).
What You’ll Learn In This Episode
- the psychological cause of depression in modern society
- It is important to do personal/spiritual development for a more fulfilled life
This transcript is machine transcribed by Sonix
Intro: [00:00:04] Broadcasting live from the Business RadioX studios in Atlanta, Georgia. It’s time for High Velocity Radio.
Stone Payton: [00:00:13] Welcome to the High Velocity Radio show, where we celebrate top performers producing better results in less time. Stone Payton here with you this morning. You guys are in for a real treat. Please join me in welcoming to the broadcast with unbreakable entrepreneur Jay Tepley. How are you?
Jay H. Tepley: [00:00:33] Hello. Yeah, I’m really good. Excited to be on this show and talking to you today.
Stone Payton: [00:00:38] Well, I almost said good morning, but it’s actually not morning for you. We have the the blessing of technology enabled conversation. You’re you’re actually located over in the U.K., right?
Jay H. Tepley: [00:00:52] That’s right. Yeah. Okay. London.
Stone Payton: [00:00:54] So when we get a business radio studio set up in your neck of the woods, as we say down here, we’ll we’ll we’ll do something live from there. But in the meantime, what a marvelous opportunity. And maybe we’ll get Business RadioX, U.K., U.K. going. So talk to us a little bit. Mission, purpose, what’s your focus over there? What are you really trying to do for people with this body of work?
Jay H. Tepley: [00:01:21] Okay. So I help male entrepreneurs overcome depression in eight weeks without medication or traditional therapy.
Stone Payton: [00:01:32] And so why the focus on on males? That was obviously that was a conscious choice. Yeah.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:01:39] Absolutely. I well, several reasons. Firstly, the system that I’ve designed is specifically focused on how the male mind works. And so it’s designed to produce the best results for the male mind. And the reason why I thought it was really important is because, as you probably know, depression is a great problem right now, but not just not everyone is exposed to it equally, so to speak. And so according to research, the rates of male suicide and depression actually double that of female and especially with entrepreneurs. I realized there weren’t many people helping them the right way because the mind of the entrepreneur is quite different from someone who works 9 to 5. It’s a very different mindset, it’s a very different outlook on life. And to me, entrepreneurs are the heroes, the new heroes of these times. And because of that, they require a different approach and a different treatment.
Stone Payton: [00:02:54] Well, I’m sure that my wife would agree with you 110%. I’ve been an entrepreneur almost my entire career. She has a very rewarding and fulfilling career with a little company some of our listeners may have heard of called IBM, and I’m sure she would agree with you that the mind of the entrepreneur is different. But if you would say more about that, in what ways?
Jay H. Tepley: [00:03:19] Right. Well, first of all, it’s the ability to push against your fear, against obstacles, against your comfort zone, something that many people feel troubled by. And also is this thing about having a mission and striving to create something bigger than yourself, to leave a legacy. So not just to pay your bills, to live your day, to die, but to actually create a change in the world.
Stone Payton: [00:03:52] So as you might imagine, in my in my role with Business RadioX and just really my lifestyle in general, I hang out with a lot of entrepreneurs and business owners and I don’t know, it wouldn’t surprise me at all, particularly as I learn more from you about this whole issue of depression, if some of them are depressed, but boy, they don’t present themselves that way, you know, like, are we particularly good at masking our depression? Well, I’ll ask that on two fronts, entrepreneurs and men. And then this is like a double whammy.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:04:24] Yes. Well, it has to do a lot with how men are brought up in our society and from a very young age. So, you know, boys don’t cry and you don’t have to either. You can’t really talk about your feelings openly. And in my observation, what happens is many men actually lose that conscious connection with their feelings. And so what I’ve noticed sometimes is someone is really suffering, but consciously they’re not fully aware of it. So there are rather telltale signs, but the person themselves thinks that everything is a rut up to a point, obviously, up until they psychologically and mentally crumble, and then they realize that something is wrong. But yes, you’re right.
Stone Payton: [00:05:20] What an interesting line of work. It’s obviously a noble pursuit, but I got to know a little bit more about the back story. What in the world compelled you to to do that? How did you find yourself in this line of work in the first place?
Jay H. Tepley: [00:05:35] Right. So I started doing this work about 20 years ago, just over 20 years ago now. I’ve been a spiritual mentor and teacher over all these years, but gradually I decided to narrow down my focus. And so the more I was seeing, obviously, what kind of people are benefiting from my teachings the most and what kind of people need them the most as well. Then naturally I realized the entrepreneurs, because I’m surrounded by that tribe, I’m an entrepreneur myself. And so I’ve realized that the entrepreneurs are those people who. Who would really benefit from what I teach, because the task that they’ve chosen for themselves quite often is very strenuous and quite often that far exceeds what they wear mentally and emotionally prepared for going up to this point. And so I’ve realized that having those tools that I’m sharing would make a massive difference for this tribe.
Stone Payton: [00:06:49] So have you through your work, have you been able to identify, kind of get at the the root cause of like, do you know, I don’t know the psychological reasons, like, why is it happening?
Jay H. Tepley: [00:07:04] There are several there are several reasons. Obviously, it’s not it would be very easy and very simplistic to say one size fits all and this is why this is what you do. But however, there is an underlying motive and underlying pattern with what is happening. And quite often, not always, as I said, but quite often with developing depression, it has to do a lot with how our mind works. And we can see our mind as a structure divided into four levels or layers. And the way those levels are designed to function are in full synchronicity and synergy. And this unfortunately doesn’t happen with many people. So you don’t need to be a psychologist to have heard about the conscious and the subconscious mind. And quite often those two don’t agree with each other. And if they don’t agree with each other massively, they start that internal war and the subconscious mind has its desires, needs and goals. And then the conscious mind or the ego has its own desires and goals usually imposed by someone else, usually copied from someone we admire, or from society, or from our peers, our parents. And so when these two are at odds, what happens is they they become an internal war. And that, in terms of war is like a friction, like a mental friction that causes a kind of a mental inflammation within. And you can you can tell it even from how the body responds to it, because inflammation on the physical level quite often accompanies depression. And so that mental inflammation is the root cause of that, what we call depression in many cases. And the easiest way out is to address that conflict and to stop that war within.
Stone Payton: [00:09:24] So let’s talk about the work itself. What does the what does it look like when you begin to try to help someone get their arms around this issue and actually help them become unbreakable?
Jay H. Tepley: [00:09:36] I love this question so falsely I teach them how their mind works, because if you want to repair something, say a machine first. You want to learn how this machine operates with your mind is very similar. So I teach them about the four levels of the mind, how this levels interact and how they want and need to be in synchronicity. So that’s step number one. And then step number two, I teach them how to make sure that the needs of your subconscious, the part that starts the war, are met. And it’s a very straightforward system where all you need to do need to learn that your subconscious basically only wants one thing. And no, it’s not disgusting.
Stone Payton: [00:10:29] I you know where my mind went.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:10:33] Yes, but everyone’s subconscious only wants one thing and that thing is personal power. I may sound really strange because in our society, in our current paradigm, the word power has a lot of negative rep. But what we need to understand and really understand to pull ourselves out of depression is that we are meant to be very powerful beings and it’s reflected in many philosophies and regions of the world where it says that we come from the source, that we are the children of the absolute of God. And when you think about it, children take after their parents. And so if we are part of that universal force that created everything, obviously part of that creative power and that consciousness is in us. And our deepest desire as human beings is to realize that power and to make a dent on the world. And again, I know that some people think, oh, but I don’t want to be powerful. And I want to say, yes, you do, Sarah, your feelings, you know this to be true, because everything we do, everything we do, ultimately it comes down to living a mark on the world. Because why do we even want to stay alive? Because we want to make a difference. Why do we want to be with someone ultimately? Because we feel that we are pulling someone into our orbit and we are creating something meaningful together.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:12:21] So, again, it’s it’s a reflection of that personal power. So for entrepreneurs creating their businesses, it’s a very pure expression of wanting to leave a mark on the world and to change something by their presence. Now, the problem is, though, that the conscious and the subconscious mind say this thing very differently. And as I said, the word power has a lot of bad rep in our society, and this is because we don’t suddenly have a different word for power to and power over. And these are different concepts. I should explain them in my book. So the power of two is the side that often gets misused and abused and has this very dark connotation in our society, because the power to springs from that inner insecurity and emptiness, and it’s the power of a resources or social power of some kind. And quite often people abuse it because they don’t have a solid standing because they are compensating for something. And you know, it’s a similar to say, if there was a very, very muscular guy sometimes who compensates with his lobes for his inner insecurity, and it’s just something that does happen. So people who crave a lot of power over those who compensate for the lack of power too, and the power too is what we actually really crave as human beings, is what we are searching for or all our lives.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:14:09] So that power too means that is the power over our internal resources, over our mind, over our internal power, our gift to manifest in the world. And when we have. To the power too. You will notice that people who meditate a lot, people who are spiritually curious or spiritually inclined, are much more peaceful and much more compassionate if they do it in the right way. I mean, if they really see the results from their practice, you can see that there is like an aura of calmness and confidence around them. And that happens because they acquire the power to. And the curious thing is that once you have this power to once you are able to consciously mold your mind and your reality in alignment with your will, suddenly the power over is given to you. But you are not that interested, because if you have the real treasure, why would you compensate? And so the lack of access to that very fundamental need, which is the power to which is our inner confidence and the and the ability to create our own reality the way we want it. This is what drives people to depression and sometimes even suicide.
Stone Payton: [00:15:39] Wow. All right. So say more about this book. In my experience, books that that complement a professional service providers work like in your situation for me what I like about it as a as as supplementing the work is it often reinforces just how to get started. And I suspect that’s one of the great benefits of your book. But say more about the book, why you chose to commit the time and energy to commit this to to a book. And I don’t know where my instincts right. Is. One of the benefits that it helps you just get get this thing going. It gives you a starting place.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:16:20] I wrote several books and you can find them on Amazon. So I am an author. And for me, writing books, well, I would say the way it started was students kept asking me the same questions over and over. And I felt actually, you know, rather than explaining that every time, it would be easier to put them into a book. But since then, I’ve written several books, and with this in particular, the idea was to get someone started from where they are. Okay, so someone may choose to work with me and that’s great. That’s one of the purposes of this book. So you can read it, say, fall in love with what I’m talking about and really think that, wow, that resonates with me. That makes so much sense. I need to take it further and explore it further. But even if someone decides to just get a little bit of help and say they want to do it on their own, this book gives you the tools to do it.
Stone Payton: [00:17:30] So as a and I did know that you’re a prolific author. So one of the reasons I was so excited about having you on on the on the show is did you find that the book came together pretty easy for you or was that a bit of a challenge taking what you naturally do and then getting it committed to paper and in a structure that the layperson could really use? Or what was that, the actual book writing process like for you?
Jay H. Tepley: [00:17:57] You used to be a quiet, quiet, insidious work. But over all these years that I’ve been rising, it became pretty effortless, I would say, because also I read articles, I read posts and social media. So I think like with everything, it just comes with experience. So the more you do something, say I was writing same, was working out, same with my mother. The more you do something, the better you become at it. And you may come to the point, hopefully when it becomes your second nature, when it becomes natural. So I know that many people are dreading to write a book because it seems like such a huge mammoth task. But for me, I just don’t. It’s just something to do. Let’s say if if there is a task to write a book, it’s just another entry on my to do list. So it’s not strenuous anymore. And I think my readers can feel it as well, because many people told me that my books are very enjoyable and easy to read.
Stone Payton: [00:19:11] So let’s let’s talk about this, this broader topic, I guess, of this personal spiritual development. Again, in my experience, some some of the most successful people that I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing and getting to know a little bit really do invest a great deal of energy in a time in their own, their personal, their spiritual well, and also their physical development. Can you speak to that some more?
Jay H. Tepley: [00:19:43] Absolutely. And I love this question. I think it’s super important for any teacher and any mentor to keep going on, on their journey and never become complacent and never rest on their laurels and always seek for something greater. Because the more they work on themselves, the more value they can offer to their students on a continuous basis. So yes, I apart from obviously I meditate every day. I also love working out. I love martial arts. And before the dark times, I used to run a light saber choreography club here in London for charity purposes.
Stone Payton: [00:20:30] Oh, that sounds fun. It’s probably great.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:20:34] I love.
Stone Payton: [00:20:34] It.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:20:36] I love it. And it’s a very good workout. And I was also teaching those guys meditation as well. And with with the lightsaber or with the sword, I used to deal with swords as well. It trains you something very important because apart from obviously developing your balance, your stamina and your physical strength, it also allows you to have a very important shift in mindset, which is to be able to stand up for yourself, because if someone is attacking you in that way, you’re forced to defend yourself. And I think it’s great for people who in their everyday life have problems putting their foot down or saying no where they should say yes. And it can be very sneaky because many people think, oh, you know, I don’t have this issue. I’m super confident this is how I run my business. That’s that’s who I am. But really, if deep down they look into the darkest recesses of their soul, they may find that they actually feel they have this imposter syndrome, which is more common than most people think. So that ties up with what we spoke about earlier, about many men not fully being not being fully connected with their emotions and with what they feel. And this is why this self searching and self inquiry work is so, so important.
Stone Payton: [00:22:10] So what are you finding the most rewarding? What are you enjoying the most about your work?
Jay H. Tepley: [00:22:19] Honestly, I for me, it’s being able to make a difference in someone’s life. Every time when someone comes to me saying Thank you, your work has saved my life. I wouldn’t be talking to you right now if I didn’t discover you in time. And it’s very humbling and it’s very rewarding. And I think I wouldn’t want to do anything else more than what I’m doing right now.
Stone Payton: [00:22:49] I believe that it comes through over the airwaves. It comes through over the video. I can see it in your eyes. We could hear it. We could hear. In your voice. So what’s next? I mean, surely you’ll be writing more books and expanding your work. Do you plan to kind of try to grow the business and scale the business, or have you kind of got that where you want it and it’s allowing you to do the the work you want to do?
Jay H. Tepley: [00:23:16] I absolutely plan on growing it internationally. The reason why I want to do it is now because of, say, EGA or the financial aspect. And I know obviously it’s important I understand the importance of it, but for me the main goal is to spread the message. And so as many guys as possible can discover this tools just when they need them. And if that’s all right with you, I wanted to share one simple technique. Please start someone off.
Stone Payton: [00:23:53] Yes, please.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:23:55] Right. So all you need to do and if you meditate already, right. If you’re done, that’s fine as well. And all you need to do is to find a quiet moment during the day to calm down a breathing and then to be able to focus fully on what you’re feeling in that moment. And most people never do that. So really, without any judgment, without any anger, without any resistance, look at your feelings in that moment and simply label them. So imagine that you are a researcher of your own mind and you have like a notepad. So everything that you knows is there. You simply write it down. So let’s say, you know, anger or tiredness or frustration or joy or happiness or being in love, just simply write it down. And after that, have a think. What are the underlying feelings in your life? What are the most dominant feelings that run in the background of your mind every day? Because those feelings ultimately create your life?
Stone Payton: [00:25:11] What marvelous counsel. And I, I think it’s important that we that we build in the time to make that happen. I, I, my business partner and I, we set aside different blocks of time to accomplish different tasks. And I think it would be wise to not just say, I’m going to do that, but, you know, block it off in your calendar. Right, and make it a.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:25:33] Habit and.
Stone Payton: [00:25:34] Do it consistently. Terrific.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:25:36] Absolutely. And the beauty of it is you don’t need that much time. You only need a couple of minutes. And no matter how busy someone is, they can only they can always find a few minutes in there. They’re even, you know, just taking a quiet time out, you know, as you’re sitting on the couch relaxing, you could do them.
Stone Payton: [00:25:59] So we touched on this earlier. You mentioned the idea of mentoring. So I got a couple of before we wrap, there’s a couple of things I’d like to get your insight and perspective on with regard to mentoring. One, I’m just interested to know a little bit more about your experience being what do you call a mentee like when you maybe had a mentor in your life and then your experience in insight from being a mentor? Anything you can offer me personally, by the way, guys, if you if you want to get some really great professional counsel at without paying for it, get yourself a radio show. I learned so much. But yeah, anything you might you might have to offer in terms of this whole idea of seeking out and fully capitalizing on either side of that mentoring relationship, I’m sure our listeners would really appreciate that.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:26:58] Okay. Absolutely. It’s my belief that mentorship is really important if you want to achieve real results. And I think I don’t need to explain to entrepreneurs why it’s so important, because obviously, if you got some great results in your business, usually it’s because you found a great mentor that showed you how to do it. And with spiritual development is very similar. And I would say it’s even more urgent because I like the saying, your mind is a dangerous neighborhood. Don’t go there alone.
Stone Payton: [00:27:36] I love that. So kind of along that same that same line, it strikes me that if you’re going to be a good mentor, a leader, that it would be it would be wise to understand that a male, particularly in the context of this conversation that you’re working with, may be dealing with some of these challenges. And so maybe be prepared to to at least acknowledge for yourself, hey, this person may be experiencing some of this. So as a result, I’m going to, you know, let that inform the way I communicate and try to help this person. Yes.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:28:16] Absolutely. So I have a very sophisticated diagnosis system and you can actually get it from my website. So if you go on my website, you can choose one of the options to get this depression self check list. The results may surprise you so because as I said, there are many different reasons why the depression like symptoms may occur in that person. And this is why I don’t believe in one fix fits all, because it can be the the symptoms are similar, but the root cause is actually different. And this is why I always run the person through that depression self checklist first and there are only seven points. So it’s pretty straightforward. But as I said, certain things are very unexpected. For many people. It’s like, really? Have I been affected by that? I would have never thought so. I think self understanding is really key to developing yourself to the point where you become unbreakable.
Stone Payton: [00:29:35] All right. And we can find this checklist right on your right on your website, which is a perfect Segway. But before we wrap and I could talk about this all day, but I have to have go I have to go meditate now that I’ve done it.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:29:47] That’s a good reason.
Stone Payton: [00:29:49] So before we wrap, let’s do let’s make sure that our listeners, if they would like to have a conversation with you or someone on your team, or they’d like to go access the book or go to the website, let’s leave them with some some points of contact, whatever you feel like is appropriate. The website, LinkedIn, Amazon let’s make sure we give them a path to make it make it easy for them.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:30:10] Fantastic. Yes. Surely you can find me on Amazon as a tablet and all my books, and you can find me on LinkedIn, on Facebook and on Twitter as Unbreakable Entrepreneur and on TikTok and on YouTube, which is where you’re probably watching this video right now. But I would say the bus and the easiest way to get in touch with me is at the back of my books, but also in all of my materials. You will have a link to my Telegram channel and if you join this channel you will have also access to some exclusive content that I share only with my students. And you will get to talk to me personally and to some of the advanced students of the course. So it can be the beginning of a really fascinating journey.
Stone Payton: [00:31:01] Well, Jay, it has been an absolute delight having you on the show today. Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your insight. This has been informative, inspiring and candidly, just a lot of fun.
Jay H. Tepley: [00:31:15] I’m glad to hear that. And thank you so much for inviting me on. The show. Has been a pleasure.
Stone Payton: [00:31:20] All right. Until next time, this is Stone Payton for our guest today, Jay Tapley with Unbreakable Entrepreneur and everyone here at the Business Radio X family saying we’ll see you in the fast lane.