Judy Hoberman with Judy Hoberman and Associates

Intro: Broadcasting live from the Business RadioX studios in Houston, Texas. It’s time for Houston Business Radio. Now, here’s your host.

Trisha Stetzel: Hello, Houston. Trisha Stetzel here bringing you another episode of Houston Business Radio. It is my pleasure to have this amazing guest on with me today. Judy Hoberman, executive leadership coach and mastermind facilitator, whose mission is really surrounding women, which is why I wanted to have her on the show, and we connected immediately before I asked her to come on and have this conversation with me. Judy, welcome to the show.

Judy Hoberman: Thank you so much. I’ve been waiting for this day to happen. Trisha.

Trisha Stetzel: I know it’s been a while, at least over a month, right? We’ve been trying to get on the calendar. I’ve had things Everything’s going on. But here we are. And I’m so excited about having this conversation with you today. So, Judy, uh, tell us a little bit more about you, and then let’s dive into the work that you’re doing with your clients.

Judy Hoberman: So, as you said, I am an executive coach. Coach, I am a facilitator for masterminds for women. Um, I do high performance work. And what that means is I bring out some of the things that you stop with your potential. You’re okay over here. And I want to make sure that we get the rest of it. And I’ll explain that as we go into some of our stories together. But the truth of the matter is, I’ve been working with women for a long time. When I started my company in 2009, um, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but I knew it had to be about women because I was usually the only or one of the only women, and I had to create my own playbook. So I took what I needed, and I brought it out, and I became the woman that I wish I would have had, and that that’s truly what I do. I support women, I advocate for women. And I do want to say I don’t leave men out of the equation because we need to have men that that are champions and sponsors and advocates for us as well. Um, so the men that raise their hand and say, I’m a champion, I am all in there for you.

Trisha Stetzel: I love that, that’s fantastic. And that is really where you and I connected, right, is in this support of women who are out there, but also of the men who are supporting the women who are out there. Uh, just just a funny little thing. My husband, he tells everyone, and he aspires to carry my bags. I’m just saying he’s he’s.

Judy Hoberman: I love that, I love that he’s a keeper. He’s a keeper.

Trisha Stetzel: He’s a keeper. Judy, um, I’d like to steer our conversation today around mindset. I know you’re a big proponent of growth mindset, and that’s a lot of what you do. And I also do that in my business with my clients right now. I’m having lots of conversations around this uncertainty, Certainty things that are going on in the world, in the business place, you name it. People are just uncertain of what’s around the corner. And I’m having conversations with people, particularly women who have gone below the line, meaning their attitude has shifted from positive growth mindset to something not so positive. What are your I know you do a lot of work in that. So number one, talk to me about growth mindset. What does it mean in case people don’t know what that means and kind of what what you’re finding right now with the people that you’re working with or interfacing with.

Judy Hoberman: Well, you know, it’s this is a big topic. Mindset is everything. It is mindset is everything. It shapes your possibility, your decisions, your confidence, your ability to bounce back. And with what’s going on in the world. You know, a lot of people have taken on the scarcity mindset because they’re afraid of what’s going to happen. If the truth of the matter is that there’s research done that says that we have at least 50,000 thoughts and decisions in our brain every single day, and 85% of them are negative and 90% of them are repetitive. So if you’re thinking bad things or negative things, you’re doing this every day. So the truth is for me is I learned how to reframe. I eliminate certain words like I never use the word try because to me try, just that little tiny word is a very detrimental word to your vocabulary. Because I think I’ll try that. No, no. How about if you say something that, you know I’m working towards, that I had to learn from an early age how to reframe my the words that are in my brain because I was fed lots of negative things. So it may not have been the environment of the world, but it was my world. And so I’m very careful about what I say. I it’s not like I have a script in front of me and saying, don’t say this, don’t say that. But I catch myself now, I don’t, I don’t use the words that would make me smaller instead of being who I truly am.

Judy Hoberman: Authentic. And one of the things that I know for a fact is that we compare ourselves to everybody else. Well, why? Why is she so lucky? Why is she making money? Why is this not affecting her? Here’s what I know. You have to stop comparing your chapter one to someone else’s. Chapter 20. You’re not behind. You’re building. And that’s a that is the growth mindset. You are building. And there are days where you think nothing is going right. Why am I doing this? So here’s my secret. I have a folder on my computer and you can call it love folder or Feel Good folder, whatever you want to call it. I just call it my folder. And in that folder I have videos, audios, emails, letters that people have written, you know, created for me in this little folder. And all I have to do when I’m feeling like this mindset is not working for me today, I open up the folder and I click on something. Either I watch, I listen, or I read, and all of a sudden my mindset is like where it’s supposed to be. This is where I should be, not where I’m, you know, a woe is me. If you go back to the pandemic, which we all know what that was like, the first thing that I did other than, you know, going to my blankets for 20 minutes because my whole entire business was crashed.

Judy Hoberman: Everything crashed other than coaching, which was always virtual, but everything else was gone off my calendar. So after I gave myself permission to go wallow in it, I did for 20 minutes and then I popped up and said, okay, what am I doing? I created a panel of exceptional women. I called on four women that I knew that I that I said were not woe is me ING here. We’re going to talk about change and and how valuable change can be and how positive. And all we did was throw it out on social media. And we had about 150 women that showed up, and all we did was talk about change. We didn’t talk about anything else. And then that was it. So I thought because right after it was over, I got emails and texts and everything else saying, okay, who’s on the panel next? And can I be on the panel? So 14 weeks later, we had four different women every single week from different industries talking about mindset, growth, mindset, not anything else. All these things that we were all experiencing. And guess what? We had thousands of women that showed up and we helped support what we were going through at that time. Now, today, it’s not the pandemic, it’s different, but it’s still something that’s affecting us. So, you know, you have to do something that gets you out of your own way.

Trisha Stetzel: Yeah, I love that, Judy. So if I think there’s a difference. So the negative language, I love that we could spend our entire time talking about negative language and trying to cut it out. Right. Um, and how you do that and what those tools and tips and tricks are. And by the way, we’ll give your contact information so that people can talk to you about that specific thing, because I think it’s really important to remove those things from our head. And I also know that we can’t have a negative and a positive thought at the same time.

Judy Hoberman: Impossible.

Trisha Stetzel: Replace it. Right. So I, I love that and I’m curious then. So that’s about us being alone and the mindset and the ways that we can shift it. And then you talked about this amazing group of women that came together. So what’s your thought around the people that you surround yourself with when it comes to mindset?

Judy Hoberman: So I have three words that I always use. Know your people. I don’t care what position you’re in. I don’t care if you’re an entrepreneur, if you’re C-suite, if you work for. It doesn’t matter. Know your people. Know the people you surround yourself with, because those are the people that are going to lift you up as opposed to holding you down. And those people that are not your people can be your family as well. You know, when you decide to start your own business and they’re thinking, why are you crazy? Or that little person that is knocking in your head all the time? I have evicted my imposter syndrome so many times, and for some reason they have that loophole where they come back in. So I really do talk to myself. You know, honestly, if you ever watch my TEDx talk, you will know exactly why I say all these things. I don’t want to tell you everything, but I told the worst story that happened to me on a TEDx talk that I’ve never told before in my life. I told it on a TEDx talk. I mean, that’s craziness to begin with. But the truth was, I needed to say it out loud and to have people hear it so I could say, that’s not my story anymore.

Judy Hoberman: That was my story, but not my story. So, you know, when we did this, um, this these panels, it created community. Community is what women are looking for. They’re not looking for somebody to say, oh, you’re awesome, you’re amazing. You’ll get that in community, but you’re looking for people that are going to support you. And that’s the beauty of, you know, of of creating who’s surrounding you. I am very selective with the people that are the closest to me and my immediate family, my children, my grandchildren. Those are the people that I just feel so good around. But then I have my colleagues. I don’t invite everybody in because I’m not for everybody I know it. Even my LinkedIn profile will say to you that I’m not for everybody. In the first two minutes that you meet me, you will know whether I attract or repel you. And it’s good either way, because I know my people and that’s what it is. You need to know your people. That’s that’s a that’s the I mean, that’s one of the rules that I live by.

Trisha Stetzel: Yeah, absolutely. And you can’t let that negativity seep in right to where you are, especially if you’re already struggling. So don’t hang around with the people who are woe is me and continue to pull you down. Right?

Judy Hoberman: Because that’s their that’s their job. Their job is to pull you down. And do you know that your brain is creating a survival mode? So if it knows that you’re going to this place that you shouldn’t be, it’s going to remind you, don’t you know you don’t belong? This is where you belong right here. And if you continue to go over there, all of a sudden it’s going to say, okay, well, maybe that is your space. It isn’t. It isn’t. When you don’t feel comfortable, it’s time for you to find the people that make you comfortable. And that’s that’s what I do. And I’m a I’m a huge introvert, so I know how uncomfortable you can be.

Trisha Stetzel: Okay. Thank you for bringing that out, because I think so many people, um, have this mindset that introverted people can’t go out and do the things that you’re doing. Judy. Uh, so I’d like to roll back. You said something about imposter syndrome, which struck a chord with me because I hear it a lot, particularly from women. So not only do we have to shift our mindset to be positive, but we also have to believe that we’re capable. And I think that imposter syndrome really pulls us in the opposite direction. So what advice or even maybe just some tools do you use around this imposter syndrome when it starts to seep up? And I heard you say you evicted it.

Judy Hoberman: I have many times, and for some reason there’s that little creepy, you know, that hole and it keeps coming back in. I heard somebody said they gave it a name and they said, Hal, sit down, Hal, you know I’m not interested. And that’s funny, but I mean, you that’s mindset. What I do is different, though. I, I’m aware, I become aware and that’s the first step that you need to do. You have to be aware of when that happens. There’s something that that brings it in. Is it when you’re doing something stressful, is it when you’re looking for a new position? Is it when you know you put out a proposal and you’re waiting? Whatever it is, be aware of it, because once you’re aware of it, you can almost, you know, stop it. You can’t all the time, but you can almost stop it. But you become aware of it. Once you do that, then your next step is is this real or is it something that I’ve been so creative I’ve made up in my mind? You know, we make up those scenarios that are so real that you’re living this and it never happens. So is it real or is it made up? And that’s your second step. If it’s real third step is now you have to face that.

Judy Hoberman: Okay. So and I’ll give you an example in a second. But if it’s real you have to face it. If it isn’t real you have to decide like why? Why do I do this? What is what is causing that? Do I feel like I’m not qualified enough? Do I feel like I’m not enough? You know? Do am I not tall enough? Whatever it is, that’s. That’s the exercise. So you become aware. You decide if it’s real or not, and then you reframe it. So for me and this happened, I think about a year ago, just about a year ago, I was invited to somebody’s live stream. I immediately said yes because I think she’s amazing. So I said yes. And then I went home and I looked to see who was on the agenda. And right then and there, I knew I shouldn’t be there. I was way out of my league. Like, totally out of my league. So I call I always have two coaches. I have a female coach because I’m female and I have a male coach because I need a male perspective. So I call my female coach. I said, here’s what happened. And she said, oh, you know, you’re amazing. You know, that you’ve got a great message, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Judy Hoberman: It wasn’t what I needed, truly, not what I needed because I knew that I called him. This was his question. Did you ask her to be on the live stream or did she ask you? I said, she asked me. She said he said, so why are we having this conversation? Really? Why are we having it? She asked you, you, you know, you’ve got a message. You know, you’re amazing. So why are we why are we even discussing this? She asked you and I thought, oh, okay. Like he gave me that little kick that I needed. And so I did it and it was fantastic. And the person that I was most afraid of, I made laugh. And it was Mr. Wonderful from Shark Tank. Okay, so and I have a picture of him laughing. But you know, the point is that I could have easily backed out. Yeah, I could have easily backed out, but I talked to myself out of that by having a conversation with one of my people, and he really gave me what I needed. I didn’t need that. Oh, you’re so wonderful and we love you. And you know that, wasn’t it? Totally not it. Right.

Trisha Stetzel: Just one question.

Judy Hoberman: Right? Yeah.

Trisha Stetzel: Yeah. That’s it I love that. Okay, so, Judy, if folks are already interested in connecting with you, want to learn more? Want to hear more about your tips that you’ve been giving here on the show? How can they find you?

Judy Hoberman: I would say my the best way to get me is on LinkedIn. It’s under Judy Hoberman. Um, because I’m on LinkedIn a lot. And you’ll also see lots of things that I do and I offer and I give away, you know, all these things. The other thing is you can email me at askart.com because I am the only one that touches my email. No one else touches it. So it’s always me that responds to you. And that’s the easiest way.

Trisha Stetzel: That’s amazing. So for those of you who are not watching this on video, maybe you’re just hearing the audio. Judy has this amazing quote just above her head on this beautiful banner. And I want to share it with the audience. Judy, if it’s okay if I say what.

Judy Hoberman: It.

Trisha Stetzel: Is. Yeah. Expand on it. So the quote is women want to be treated equally, not identically. So, Judy, tell me more about where this comes from.

Judy Hoberman: If you think about it, Trisha, that a lot of times through the decades, women have had the the opportunity, I’ll say, to become more successful in what they’re doing. With that came a challenge, because there weren’t many women that were doing this or this or this back, you know, a few decades ago. And so women became they dress like men. They acted like men. They they had their language like men. And that was very confusing to everybody, including the female. But but including the men. It was very confusing. My point is, we don’t have to be exactly like anybody else. We need to be ourselves. We just want the opportunity to have the same, uh, the same opportunities as men do. So if you say to me, okay, there’s a position that I that you would qualify for, and I think you should go after it. Well, now you’re giving me the opportunity to either have the, you know, have an interview with somebody or not my choice. But you’re treating me equally. You’re not treating me just like a man. You wouldn’t say, hey, bro, you should go do this. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about having somebody that might open doors for you. Somebody that might recommend you even when you’re not in the room. Somebody that talks well about you when you’re not in the room. And so treat us the same way as far as give us the same equal opportunity, but don’t make, you know, make sure that you, you say, well, you don’t have you I don’t care if you act like a man or dress like a man. That’s not that’s not what we’re talking about. You should have the same opportunity. And it really is a very tiny little sentence, but it’s very powerful if you think about it.

Trisha Stetzel: It is. Absolutely. And going back to choosing the people that you’re putting in your room, right. The people that you want to hang around with. And do they share the same values right as you, as wanting to be treated equally, but not identically? Right. I think that’s that’s it.

Judy Hoberman: Those are the people you want to hang around with because they know it. And, you know, if I said today, I don’t want to do this anymore, I’m tired. I’m cranky, whatever. My network is big enough, male and female, that I could call somebody and say, okay, you know, what do you got? Tell me. And then one by one, they’d be calling different people and saying, you should talk to her. You should talk to her. She’s amazing. You know, that’s what it is.

Trisha Stetzel: So. And you get to choose, right? That’s the bottom line. You get to choose. You get to choose your mindset. You get to choose whether you allow that imposter syndrome to seep in. You get to choose who you spend time with. Right? And I think all of that is so important. So we’ve talked a lot about business, Judy, but there’s this whole idea of and I’m going to use the phrase work life balance. And I know that you’ve got a different phrase for that. So I’d really like to dive into where, especially women who are successful, I think a lot of us get into this mindset where it’s got to be 125% business, and then I will squeeze everything else in the margins. Maybe. Yeah, maybe you think about it sometimes and it doesn’t happen always, right? So what’s your what’s your ideal on work life balance?

Judy Hoberman: So my entire business has been based on the belief that the myth is work life balance. There’s no such thing as work life balance. There isn’t. And if you keep on trying to find this balance, you’re going to be disappointed. Balance isn’t about doing it all. It’s about not losing yourself while doing what really matters to you. And that’s why I stopped chasing balance. And that’s why I started doing work life harmony. Because to me, if you think about it, balance is very rigid. It implies that everything gets equal weight. That’s not true. It’s not realistic. And if you try to achieve things, what’s going to happen is it’s going to lead to burnout. It’s going to lead to feeling guilty all the time, or resentment because that little piece of time that you have, you realize it’s probably not even worth it. It’s not even going to do that. When you think about harmony, I don’t know about you, but I think about like movement, like harmony is movement. It’s about being intentional. It’s the choices that you’re making and all your choices align with your values. It’s also realizing that sometimes it’s going to take more energy than you know.

Judy Hoberman: Today I’m looking for a new job, so my energy today might be more on that, but my energy here might be more on family, and it’s going to change. And that’s okay, because when you think about balance, it’s like they pit work and life against each other. So it’s like a, you know, a tug of war all the time, but harmony like invites everything together. Working together to support you. And harmony really means that wherever you are, you’re fully there. So when I say when you’re working, you’re you’re in harmony because you’re there. When you’re home with your family, be in harmony because you’re there. And I always say that presence is the new power move. Because if you think about it, everything is is making us move away from what we want the most and who we love the most. But women who lead with harmony and give themselves permission to be present where they are, instead of trying to be everything else to everyone else. That’s when they can actually take the breath and go, okay, I’m good. So that’s to me, that’s the most important thing, is being in harmony.

Trisha Stetzel: What what advice would you give to women out there who are still in this mindset of, I need to be everything to everyone, and my business is so important that I don’t have time to take care of myself.

Judy Hoberman: First and foremost, let go of the idea that doing more is the same as being better. Because that’s not true. That’s what. That’s where you’re going to have burnout. You have to find out. You have to ask yourself what really matters most to me right now. What am I doing out of guilt or obligation instead of doing out of choice and intention? And where can I delegate or simply say, no, thank you, I’m busy. I mean, how many times have you said, okay? Yeah, sure. I’d love to come to that. Whatever. And the day of you’re like, oh my God, I can’t even believe I’m going. But here’s what, here’s what you have to do. You have to put yourself on your own calendar. You wouldn’t cancel your meeting with a doctor or your CEO or whomever. Why do we cancel everything for ourselves? I used to think personally this is true. I used to think that the more my calendar was booked up, the more important I must be, and a full calendar meant that I was doing something right. But really, all it meant was I was scheduling everyone else’s priorities except my own. And when I ask women, well, tell me, like, what do you struggle with the most? They never say work. They say my calendar because I have no space to think or to renew or anything. And my question always is when your calendar fills up, who’s deciding on what goes on it? You? Or is it everything and everyone else? Because you don’t have to do it all to have it all.

Trisha Stetzel: Mm. I love that. So, Judy, I have this this renewed need to go and find some space on my calendar. It used to be really good at it and then it filled up. And I think you get into this mindset right where my calendar is full, it’s just always going to be full. But it doesn’t have to be. Right. And there are so many tools out there, and the use of AI and ways that we can throttle that back to find time for ourselves and put it on our calendar.

Judy Hoberman: Well, you know, it’s so funny because I have a good friend of mine was a huge top executive for, I don’t know, 14, 15 years. And I asked her this question because I always talk about the lonely leader, because the further you go up, the lonelier it is because just for so many reasons. But I asked her this question. I said, what do you do? How do you carve out time for yourselves? And this is exactly what she told me. She said, on Fridays I, I block out two hours of time every Friday for 14 years. I had these two hours blocked off every Friday. For 14 years. Everybody knew there were two hours. They didn’t know what she did with her two hours. So I said, well, what did you do? She said, well, sometimes it was just for me. Sometimes it was meeting a friend for lunch. Sometimes it was, you know, going to get my hair cut, whatever. But two hours every Friday for 14 years. That’s when you’re strict with your calendar and people will say, well, you know, I can’t do that. People overbook me. No, no, you lock it, lock it. If somebody has access to your calendar, if you have a, you know, an associate an a a an admin. Lock it. Nobody can touch those two hours. There’s nothing in those two hours that somebody has to get to you. And if it’s that important, they know how to call you. So two hours every Friday for 14 years. That’s what you did. I mean, I always say be strict with your calendar.

Trisha Stetzel: Yes. We have to be ferocious with our time, right? We just have to own it. Judy, I know it’s we’re at the back end of our conversation. It went by so fast, but I do. I would love for you to share one of your favorite stories. And oh, by the way, it doesn’t have to be your Ted talk. Everybody’s going to go watch your Ted talk after this because we’re all curious. Uh, but tell us one of your favorite stories, Judy.

Judy Hoberman: So when I first started in financial services, I was the only female. I checked a box when there there was no boxes to check. Okay. That’s. So this is in 1990. There were no boxes, but I checked the box because I was female. Nobody wanted me there. I was just divorced. I had two children. It was 100% commission, no guaranteed income, nothing. All I had was a little bit of moxie. Nobody wanted to train me. Nobody wanted to do anything. And I had to get licensed. And you can’t sell anything until you’re licensed. So I would beg. I would beg agents to take me out and let me see what they were doing so that I would know. Right. And so, um, the only way they would let me do that is if I booked an appointment for them. Not that it was their appointment. So anyway, long story short, that’s what happened when I was ready, when I was licensed and everything else, um, I had to go out, but I knew what I would do and I knew what I wouldn’t do. But here’s the kicker I hated what I was doing. The reason I hated it is because I didn’t know what I was walking into. I didn’t sell on the phone. The only thing I sold on the phone was an appointment so I could walk in and somebody wouldn’t qualify anyway. But every day I would say, I hate what I’m doing, I hate what I’m doing. I have to drive here. I have to go there. One morning I looked at my kids. I had two kids, and they were, you know, they were young. And I said to myself, these are the two most amazing humans in the entire world, and my only job is to protect them. And all of a sudden, it was like the cartoon with the light bulb above your head. It was like.

Trisha Stetzel: Yeah. And I thought.

Judy Hoberman: If I could protect them, I could protect everybody. So from that moment on, my mindset changed from I have to to I have the privilege of. And I said to myself that morning, I have the privilege of protecting other families. From that moment on, Trisha, that exact moment my career took off, it took off. I went from, you know, trying to figure this out by myself to not caring if nobody was going to help me because I knew the right way to do things, building relationships and communication. And all of a sudden everybody wanted to work with me, and all these people that didn’t have time for me were like, well, how did you sell that? And why are they staying on the books? And so I became not only, you know, salesperson for me, but I became the field trainer. I became the coach. I became the mentor. All of that because I changed my mindset. And that was the exact moment when I knew if I could protect my kids, I can protect everybody else. And that was it.

Trisha Stetzel: Wow. And now we see the rest of the story. Judy, it is so exciting. I’m so. I feel so blessed to have met you. I’m so excited that you came on to have this conversation with me. Me too. For everyone who’s listening or watching, please know we didn’t even talk about this. That Judy is a best selling author. You need to go check out her Ted talk. And Judy, if people want to connect with you directly, can you remind them how to do that.

Judy Hoberman: Either on LinkedIn and it’s Judy Huberman, and you’ll see me once you click it on, you’ll know it’s me, because there’s a whole bunch of stuff there. And if you want to talk directly to me and me only, email me Judy at askart.com. And again, no one touches my email but me. Seriously, nobody answers it. It’s only me. So if you want to tell me something that you don’t want anybody else to know, I’m a really good listener and my vault is locked.

Trisha Stetzel: And vault is locked. Judy, thank you so much for your time today. I look forward to the next time we get to have a conversation like this. It was absolutely beautiful. Thank you.

Judy Hoberman: Thank you so much for the opportunity I appreciate it.

Trisha Stetzel: Welcome. And that’s all the time we have for today’s show. Join us next time for another amazing episode of Houston Business Radio. Until then, stay tuned, stay inspired, and keep thriving in the Houston business community.