JustMySegment_EmilyYu.mp3 (transcribed by Sonix)

Female: Broadcasting live from the Business RadioX Studios in Atlanta, Georgia it's time for Atlanta Business Radio, spotlighting the city's best businesses and the people who lead them.

Lee Kantor: Lee Kantor here. And this is our first edition of Office Evolution Radio for January 2019. And I'm excited to have a full house here at Office Evolution Dunwoody. All right. Next up on Office Evolution Radio, I got Emily Yu. Did I say that right?

Emily Yu: You did.

Lee Kantor: All right.

Emily Yu: Good morning.

Lee Kantor: With Yu Family Law. Welcome.

Emily Yu: Thank you for having me.

Lee Kantor: Well, tell us about Yu Family Law. How are you serving folks?

Emily Yu: I am a family law attorney, and my law firm does all family law. I do divorces, custody modifications, child support, alimony. I, also, am a guardian ad litem, who's appointed by the court to investigate the best interest of children, and I'm a mediator.

Lee Kantor: Wow. Busy, busy, busy.

Emily Yu: A little bit.

Lee Kantor: So, how did you decide to make family law your specialty?

Emily Yu: I actually went into law school not knowing what area of law I wanted to do, but I quickly learned, one, that I enjoy litigation and being in the courtroom. I'm probably one of more limited number of family law attorneys who are happy to take a case to trial if needed. And then, I also have a psychology background. I like dealing with families and, in particular, children. And so, family law was a good fit for me.

Lee Kantor: Did you try other areas of law?

Emily Yu: I tried a little bit of transactional. I've tried being in the prosecutor's office. I've tried some personal injury and workers compensation as well.

Lee Kantor: So, when you tried those, what was the thing that you were like, "You know what, maybe I got to kind of go family"?

Emily Yu: I think, for me, family law works well because I have an opportunity to work very closely with people and their families, and I have an opportunity to help them rebalance a relationship dynamic that, hopefully, will allow them to be better parents and co-parents for their children. And so, for me, I feel like this is a way for me to impact people on a more daily, real level.

Lee Kantor: Now, the stakes are super high, right, and you're advocating for your clients. How do you kind of manage the human part of this?

Emily Yu: So, there are times when things are very stressful or when there are issues that are very stressful, including child abuse or allegations of sexual molestation. I tell my clients that we are always going to handle our case ethically, honestly, and professionally. I will fire a client for knowingly lying because I believe that, especially when children are involved, that those are the only guidelines you can use to make sure that you come out of your case with whatever that right result is.

Lee Kantor: So then, that helps you kind of vet your clients, right? If you can sense that there's a problem in that area, then it's not the right fit.

Emily Yu: That's exactly right. And I also tell clients that they should interview other attorneys as well. They have to make sure that who they select is a good fit for them. And I may not be the right person.

Lee Kantor: Right. Now, when you're working with the client, what does the onboarding look like? On the first time they come in, I'm sure it's not like they do this every day, so what can they expect?

Emily Yu: Well, I try to make the initial process as stress-free as possible. And I usually tell them, "Come in with some income information. Tell me what you know about how your finances are managed. Tell me what you know about what assets you have. But if you don't know that information, it's okay. We are going to figure it out as we go." The most important thing for me when they come in is that they can tell me, again, honestly what is it that they want, what are the problems that have been going on, and what do they think is best.

Lee Kantor: And so, you discuss like possible outcomes that are acceptable or they'd like to have?

Emily Yu: Yes. So, I go through possible outcomes based on what they've shared with me. The interesting thing about family law that's different than other areas is that evidence builds as the case goes, right. So, I remind people that you should be on your best behavior, and that that will have an impact on the outcome as well. And then, given the fact that we're working with people, relationships, and children, the cases also change over time. As a child goes from 12 to 14, if you're still in litigation, that will shift the dynamic about how your case will resolve.

Lee Kantor: And they may not know that going in, right?

Emily Yu: Correct. And then, there's always the wild card if they decide not to settle and go to trial. And I tell them, "A judge is like any other human being. They could have a good day. They could have a bad day. And at the end of it, they're getting a very small glimpse of your life." And so, I try to avoid trial. I try to tell my clients to work on settling, if possible. And then, sometimes, there are issues that just don't settle, and you decide to take your chances with the court. But I never guarantee an outcome because I cannot control that judge.

Lee Kantor: No, you can't. Right. No matter what you say or do-

Emily Yu: It's not up to me.

Lee Kantor: It's out of your hands at that point, right?

Emily Yu: Right. And I remind my clients it's out of their hands too. If they decide to settle, at least, they still have some control over this outcome.

Lee Kantor: Right, of the outcome. But that's what — Because, I guess, people in their head think this is right and fair. So, this should be the outcome. And that's not necessarily what happens, right?

Emily Yu: And I think that's the hardest part. I think the the perfect example of this is in adultery. A lot of people will come to me and say, "Well, he or she cheated on me. And so, they shouldn't be allowed to be with the children."

Lee Kantor: Right. And here's all this evidence. It's black and white, right. It's right in front of your face.

Emily Yu: And so, Georgia law actually defines adultery as intercourse, which is very hard to actually prove, even with the best PI, I may not be able to get those pictures. But most of the time, you have enough evidence to know that it happened. But the difficulty is, one, does adultery mean that someone is a bad parent or just a bad spouse? Right. There's a distinction there. And then, two, people tend to forget that, particularly in Metro Area Atlanta, our judges see adultery all the time. And hen people make the assumption that adultery is going to have this huge effect-

Lee Kantor: There's monumental impact on the judge.

Emily Yu: Right. And sometimes, they're very wrong. And we don't know the personal lives of the judges who are judging. I think we would all be-

Lee Kantor: They might have-

Emily Yu: Exactly.

Lee Kantor: … been doing adultery.

Emily Yu: Right. So, you want to be careful with that.

Lee Kantor: Right. If you're going to play that card, that person's the devil for this, and the judge is doing it, you may not get him on your side.

Emily Yu: Right. And people forget that when they're emotional.

Lee Kantor: Right. So, I guess, some of the — I guess, that psychology background helps a lot, right, because you have to kind of manage them emotionally through this?

Emily Yu: I think a lot of family law, what I say to people is, "I'm more than your attorney, I'm your counsel. I can give you the legal advice. I can tell you what the law says and what the case law says, but I'm an attorney who's also going to talk to you about the emotional and mental impact of your actions and decisions. Everything is a cost benefit analysis, but I can't value how much the stress is on you, or I can't value how much you're failing to interact with your co-parent is going to have on your children," right. Only my client can value that. And then, they can assess it from there.

Lee Kantor: And because that's how they have to think, right, because if the kid's four, you're talking 14 years, at least?

Emily Yu: At least. And I tell my clients, "You want to be there for the college graduation. You want to be there for the wedding, for the birth of your grandchildren, and you don't want your grandchildren to sense that there's been a problem with their grandparents. That's ridiculous."

Lee Kantor: Right. And that's, I guess, you lose sight in the emotion of that moment or the betrayal that you feel happened. And then, you're asking them to kind of look past that, look down the line, to future them.

Emily Yu: And it can be very hard for people to do because the emotions are very real. I've been through a divorce myself, and I think that's helped me in my practice because-

Lee Kantor: From an empathy standpoint.

Emily Yu: Correct. And I understand the feeling of, "I'd rather pay my lawyer." And I didn't do it that way, but those feelings are real. And the idea of "I'll just give away everything to get out of this," that's a very real feeling too.

Lee Kantor: Right. So, the other side. Like on one side, you're saying, "Okay, I'm going to get every last nickel." And then, another thing is, "Okay, I give. I don't even care about this because I just want out."

Emily Yu: Exactly. And a lot of people have that attitude. And when someone comes to me with that, I tell them, "Look, this is your life, this is your money, and this is your future. You are my client. You make these decisions. However, if you walk away from everything, how are you going to start your future?" And then, the decision's up to them.

Lee Kantor: Right. And then, for you doing this, it sounds like from your standpoint, you're getting involved emotionally a lot, but you have to kind of keep a distance. Is that hard for you to keep that balance, that work/life balance?

Emily Yu: It can be. I've gotten better with it over time. I do think it's a practice. And I think every attorney has had a case or two where they've gotten too personally attached. And I try not to do that because I'm no longer serving my client's best interest that way. I am best when I am neutral. And so, it's-

Lee Kantor: But you have to be neutral without being cold, right?

Emily Yu: Correct. And I think the easiest thing for me in maintaining that balance is to remind myself that this is their life and these are their decisions.

Lee Kantor: And their choices.

Emily Yu: Correct. And so, if they want to make a choice that is not great for them, in my opinion, I'm still not the one who has to live with it. They have to, and I have to let them do that.

Lee Kantor: And you just present the facts as you see them, and they're making — They get the ultimate call, not you. You can just recommend.

Emily Yu: Exactly. And I think it's important for an attorney to understand that's their role too. I don't make these decisions for anybody. They're not mine to make. And so, that helps with the balance.

Lee Kantor: Now, any moments that you remember that were rewarding that you felt like, "Wow, I really kind of made a difference"?

Emily Yu: I am fortunate because I've had a lot of those moments. I've had a number of clients reach out to say that they're doing much better. They were so grateful for the counsel and the guidance through that process. I've had custody situations work out well for the children based on my investigation and recommendation. Yeah, I consider myself pretty fortunate in that I've got a lot of good moments.

Lee Kantor: Now, have you ever had something where maybe, at first, you both thought it was going to go one way, and then you start digging in, and all of a sudden, you're like, "Whoa, where did this come from?" and like one of those movies where they have a whole second life or some-

Emily Yu: Yes. Those clients are ones I tend to fire.

Lee Kantor: Does that happen?

Emily Yu: Yes. Some people don't always tell you all the relevant facts.

Lee Kantor: Or what they think is relevant.

Emily Yu: Correct. And-

Lee Kantor: I guess, that's-

Emily Yu: Yeah.

Lee Kantor: … in the eye-of-the-beholder relevant, right?

Emily Yu: And being blindsided at court in front of the judge is-

Lee Kantor: That's not-

Emily Yu: … probably one of the worst moments because if you haven't prepared your lawyer for what's to come, and they get caught off guard-

Lee Kantor: That's not good for anybody.

Emily Yu: Exactly.

Lee Kantor: So, that's happened?

Emily Yu: Oh yeah, that's happened.

Lee Kantor: Has it ever happen the other way where the other lawyer got surprised?

Emily Yu: Yes, but our rules of civil practice and our laws don't allow us to do trials the way you see on TV. Meaning that we don't get to pull out surprise evidence that we haven't shared. So, if I'm going to surprise somebody, frankly, it's because they didn't do their job and asked me the right questions ahead of time to be prepared because our laws don't really let us do that.

Lee Kantor: So, now, any advice for someone that is going through a divorce like this, or before they get and contact you, what should they be doing to kind of get ready to contact you?

Emily Yu: Sure. Well, number one, they should assume that everything they write will be shown to the judge. Everything they say is being recorded. I would not underestimate anybody in the process. If they have certain strong opinions about the other party, I'd ask them to not publicize them. Let's stay off of social media.

Lee Kantor: So, sometimes, people go on one of the social media channels and just start blasting the other one.

Emily Yu: I get a lot of information on social media.

Lee Kantor: Is that true? Has that happened like 10% or more?

Emily Yu: More.

Lee Kantor: More? Really?

Emily Yu: What happens a lot is the client's new fiance likes to post pictures of the giant ring while I'm in the middle of a child support case. The child support wasn't paid.

Lee Kantor: Pleading poverty, right?

Emily Yu: Exactly. That happens a lot.

Lee Kantor: Really?

Emily Yu: Yes. Yes, social media hurts most people. So, I would tell potential clients to step back.

Lee Kantor: Maybe hit the brakes a little bit.

Emily Yu: Yeah. And no matter how complicated or uncomplicated they think their issues are, everyone should consult with an attorney. At least do a consultation. It doesn't mean you have to hire but get information, so that you know what you're talking about when you go in to negotiate these things.

Lee Kantor: Do some couples try to do this, "Hey, let's not hire an attorney. Let's just kind of — We know each other for 20 years. Let's just do this ourselves"?

Emily Yu: So, most of the time, they say that to each other. And, at least, one has consulted with someone.

Lee Kantor: So, they have more information maybe.

Emily Yu: Correct. And it's just a bad — It's a bad practice. Everyone should consult with an attorney. Everyone should know what the laws are, so we know what we're working with.

Lee Kantor: Because a lay person doesn't know what they don't know, right? They know something, like you said, that they saw on television.

Emily Yu: Exactly. A lot of-

Lee Kantor: Or watched shows, right?

Emily Yu: Right. A lot of people might think, "Oh, well, this account is only in my name, so he doesn't get it." That's not true. In Georgia law, Georgia law says that everything from the date of marriage forward is marital regardless of title. So, things like that are important for people to know.

Lee Kantor: Now, we talked a lot about kind of the bad stuff with family law. Do you do wills, and trusts, and things like that?

Emily Yu: I don't do any of that nice stuff.

Lee Kantor: So, you do all of the-

Emily Yu: I do the hard stuff. Actually, I am my best in a highly-contested custody action. I do well with high conflict parents.

Lee Kantor: So, if you have a spouse that feisty, they should be calling you?

Emily Yu: Yeah. I have I have decent client control. I'm not afraid to yell at my clients. I'm not afraid to tell them that they're being real unreasonable, or a jerk, or worse. And I think that's kind of what helps me in these situations.

Lee Kantor: Now, what about advice for the person that thinks they might have trouble, like they sense something's amiss?

Emily Yu: Continue to be on your best behavior. And I'm not one that's advocating for divorce. And so-

Lee Kantor: But are there red flags? Like, what are some red flags?

Emily Yu: Oh, I see. Okay. Well, certainly, the obvious ones, people not coming home, not returning phone calls, and when people are out of their routine is usually when you can sense it. Certainly, changes in how finances are being handled tend to signal something. Those are probably the biggest red flags people can look for.

Lee Kantor: Is there any time — Do you have a story where somebody just missed every — Like, to you, it was obvious. And then, they were just kind of oblivious?

Emily Yu: Well, we have a lot of situations where based on the division of labor in a family, you still have situations where one spouse is not on any of the bank accounts, does not know what any of the money is. And so, I think it tends to be people in that position who are hit the hardest because all the external indicators of something are not necessarily obvious; whereas, we go back and trace those accounts, so-and-so has been moving money for four months.

Lee Kantor: So, it was obvious if you were paying attention.

Emily Yu: Exactly.

Lee Kantor: Well, if somebody wanted to learn more or have more substantive conversation, what's the best way to get a hold of you?

Emily Yu: They can call, or they can email me. I am a small practice to be able to give my clients kind of individualized attention. They can also find me online at my website or Avvo, A-V-V-O.

Lee Kantor: And then, what's your website?

Emily Yu: yufamilylaw.com.

Lee Kantor: And that's Y-U, family law dot com.

Emily Yu: That's correct.

Lee Kantor: Well, thank you so much for sharing your story today.

Emily Yu: Thank you.

Lee Kantor: All right. This is Lee Kantor. We will see you all next time on Office Evolution Radio.

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