Aree Bly from Alignment Ally

Betty: Well, welcome to inspiring women today. What a great day that we’re going to have with a really, really guest who is out in Colorado. And she does all kinds of speaking and podcasts and TED talks. And you’re going to really, I think, enjoy her. She has a great company and her name is Ari Bly. And we met because of my women’s conference. And so she and I just connected and I loved her content and I said, Man, would I love to have you on my podcast. And she readily agreed. And she has a company called Alignment Ally and realigning yourself. First of all, I like it just seems positive the whole the whole connotation. But it’s about realigning so you can take your path forward and it’s it’s getting you to be able to navigate challenges and create success. And and on top of that, she gives you so many tools to make sure it happens so that you do it confidently right and to build and conquer and go. So reinvention through alignment is the takeaway for me when I’ve talked with her and gone through some of her TED talks and looked at her information. So, you know, the challenge is for us to be able to evolve with changes while we don’t lose sight of who we are. And I like that because sometimes when we reset or re re change or we realign, we forget maybe who we are in the process or this is really who we want to be. So but she’s going to do all this today. I’m kind of giving you my highlights and my take away. So first, Ari, I would love for you just to talk about you talk a little bit about your passion and what you do and why you do it, all those kinds of things. So let’s just take a couple of minutes to get to know her.

Aree: Absolutely. Thank you, Betty. And it’s a pleasure to be here with you. So my background is very much not as a coach and as a speaker. I went into actuarial work coming out of college. I got my degree in accounting and math and combined the two into the actuarial world. So it was a very. Technical corporate role for 25 years and. It meant leaning on all my skills, right? What do I do? Well, I did well with math. I did well with connecting with people. I did well with strategic thinking. And as I got farther in my career, I started to realize that it wasn’t. Engaging me anymore. It wasn’t as energizing anymore. And when I really started to look at what changed, it was my own evolution of I became someone who was much more focused on the people and the mentoring and the coaching and developing others. And so instead of pushing harder into the skills that I did have, I decided to lean into those values and develop those skills that I wanted to build a little bit more. And what that turned into when I looked back on my own journey was the idea of alignment. It was really about understanding not only what I was good at and what I wanted to be doing, but who I was, what were my natural strengths and what was what were my values today? Because they shift with you over the seasons of your life, and how can I combine all of those to really understand the landscape in front of me and where I could make choices for for how I wanted to move forward?

Betty: Well, certainly for for both people who are accounting degrees and technical skill sets have to be really on there. Yet we both have a lot of soft skills. We both have a lot of things that we are energized by. And it’s probably not technical things, right? I’m sorry. I’m surrounded by people who are so using the right, you know, what am I going to try to say, using the right tools and using the right strengths that you have? Did you struggle with that as an actuary? Because I struggled that as a CPA, because I thought this is who I have to be, because this is my technical skill or this is my industry. Did you struggle with that?

Aree: Absolutely. Because as a CPA, as an actuary, we spend a lot of time building the credibility and going through the exam processes and getting the certification to be the CPA or be the FSA or be what’s attached to our title. And it can feel like. Your failure might be a hard word, but you’re stepping away from all that success that you kind of built. And that’s a hard thing to do because everyone that you work with connects you with that name and with those letters at the end of your your name as well. So yeah, it’s it it takes a little bit of soul searching to say, okay, but we are everybody is so much more than the letters at the end of their name. And the path that you took to get to where you are today has built other skills besides the ones that you deliberately studied for and deliberately went to get a degree in. And those are a lot of the soft skills that when you start looking at it and you realize that, Wow, I really enjoy that.

Betty: Yeah.

Aree: You’ve got to listen to that voice too and say, Okay, so what does that mean? Who am I now? How do I want to show up and how do I want to contribute to other actuaries, to other CPAs in my life? Right. Well.

Betty: And to the audience, we’re not just going to talk to CPAs and actuaries today. This will apply to everybody. But let’s just dig into some some kind of help, the audience kind of get some definition. So what is alignment? You know, when you say that and why is that important?

Aree: Right. The way that I think of alignment is really and again, this because my brain works very much in models, it’s adding another dimension to the skill sets that we have. So we push through and create success with our skills very easily. But when we start looking at our values and our natural strengths and kind of what’s innate to us, that the elements that don’t change very much for us, that creates kind of a two layer of things that we can line up with. So the alignment, if we start thinking about that, I like to think about it as a grid. You could think about it as a Venn diagram, whatever works for you. But where those two overlap, when you’re working within your your values and your natural strengths and with your skills, that’s when you’re really fully aligned to kind of what you’ve got today. But there are other areas that allow you to learn optimally, really effectively. When you’re within your values, you can step out of your skills and you won’t have as much friction. You’ll be able to more efficiently learn what you need to when you’re out of your values.

Aree: You can find yourself working with your skills and kind of pushing through and being a little gritty and getting things done. Supporting your team, maybe. And when you get completely out of both of those elements of alignment, that’s when we really find ourselves in the danger zone, when we don’t have the skill set to do what what the task calls for in front of us. And we’re pushing against all of this friction because we’re violating our current values. That’s when we start seeing a lot more burnout and we feel helpless and we don’t see the the path out. So it’s really understanding how important kind of recognizing your alignment is and being able to intentionally move through the different areas because it’s not about staying aligned at all times. If we were, we would never grow. We would get very complacent in our comfort zone. So it’s about moving through, but doing so deliberately and knowing what’s best for us so that we can kind of choose the path that we want to and find the challenges that we want to along the way.

Betty: So when somebody moves deliberately and they take that where you said stepping out, what do you think the number one challenge for that person is in saying, I’m going to do this?

Aree: Getting comfortable with change. I think that’s what a lot of people struggle with. I know I did because it’s easy, especially when we’re successful in our current role. It’s hard to be a novice again. It’s hard to step in and learn something new, or it’s hard to kind of get outside of where we know we can check the box and we know we can. We can perform. So that change is difficult.

Betty: Yeah, I’m sure there’s it really. When I think of that, I think of fear. I think of what is the fear of of what if I do this and I don’t do it? Well, how am I going to step back?

Aree: Absolutely.

Betty: Absolutely. But, you know, values can change. Right. And what we thought even in this season, we don’t maybe think in this season, but in your mind, what causes your values to change because you’re really trying to align now these values. So what?

Aree: Right, right. And and that’s that part of that is another reason why you can’t just stay in one spot because, you know, your skills change much faster than your values, but your values do shift with you throughout the seasons of your life. For me, connection to people and family and friends has always been a very important value in me. Now, in my early career, when I was living thousands of miles away from my parents and my my family, it looked very different than when I needed to move closer to home to take care of aging parents. And the needs that come with living into those values is very different. So early in my career it was important, but it wasn’t a highlight. It wasn’t demanding as much time, and it could show up differently because I was connecting with other people in my new career right now as I as I got older and my parents got older and I had my own family, that’s kind of shifting some of the needs. And I know women feel this a lot as our ability to play different roles in our careers shifts, our values look different at different points, right? So we need to recognize that maybe learning and ambition is a big value, but it looks different in the first ten years of your career than it does in the Middle Ages of your career. And then it does when you’re stepping back in and pushing harder. Right.

Betty: I know I tell the women of Brady where your twenties are, not your thirties and your fifties don’t look like anything of your forties. And I don’t know what sixties look like. I’m getting close, but it’s what you’re saying. You do your values change. They can even change in your mid-forties. They don’t have to be like, now I’ve hit 50, but seasons are different and all of a sudden what you value or what you what you will put your time into changes. And what did you see with the pandemic? People changed a lot of values during that time. Or not change values. Their values changed. I should say it that way. What did you what did you see when you were, you know, because, like, I really want to be home now or I really don’t need to work this much or, you know, I’m cherishing whatever. They just thought about things through that time.

Aree: Right. I think what happened during the pandemic and you know, maybe this comes back to like a Leonard Cohen quote of the cracks are where the light comes in, like the pandemic and forcing people to break those routines. Raise the awareness of, oh my gosh, I did not realize that my 50 hour, 60 hour workweeks were violating my desire to connect with people. Or I didn’t realize how how much conflict I was feeling until I stepped away and went, Och, this is not working and this is why. And we can start to see and become more aware of what is and isn’t working. Right now I know people that during the pandemic, once they were working at home, some of them just absolutely loved it. They’re like, This is the best thing ever. I can focus. I can eat when I want, what I want. I can go for a walk. And other people were struggling a little bit because they lost the connection. They were more extroverted and they wanted to connect with people. And so it’s not a one size fits all. It’s understanding what is and isn’t working for you and why. So it’s recognizing those those frictions and kind of the inner conflict and what that’s telling you. We can before the pandemic, I think people were much more willing to. Push through those frictions and set them aside and ignore them because I’m using my skills. I can do this. I got it checking the boxes. And I think now they’re starting to see it’s not just one dimensional anymore. It’s understanding and creating the whole life that we want to have.

Betty: Right. And of course, I really did get kind of tired of the word I’m going to have to pivot. I’m going to pivot. I’m going to have to do these things. But but I like where you’re coming from is kind of reinvention, right? Reinvent. And we did a lot of reinventing during that time, but really it should be before that and after that. So how often do you think someone can reinvent themselves?

Aree: I think you could do it daily, honestly, depending on how big a change. Obviously, my I had a huge reinvention when I retired from actuarial work and stepped into consulting or coaching and speaking and shifted away. But throughout my whole career, I could see that I was reinventing myself periodically. I started in a big insurance company and then I went into consulting. That was a reinvention when I shifted from being the individual contributor to managing projects and teams. That was a reinvention. When I started working with our HR team to kind of. Teach actuaries on our teams how to mentor each other a little bit better. That was a reinvention. So. At different levels. The reinvention can and should be coming regularly, and it should be something that we’re looking at deliberately as we’re kind of saying, okay, where do I want to be going and what steps do I take to move in that direction? And then it also means looking up occasionally and going, okay, I was headed on this path. Is it still right?

Betty: Yeah.

Aree: Or should I? What have I learned? What is The View look like now? And who’s with me now? Who’s on my team? Yeah, so all of that can change. I always think about it as when you’re wandering out in the landscape because I’m like, you mentioned, I’m from Colorado, I grew up in Wyoming. I spent a lot of time outside and I love hiking and I love exploring the wilderness and. Your career and your your life is a lot like that. It’s about getting around the next hill or looking over the next bend or crossing the river and seeing what it looks like from that side. So you have your goals, especially your long term goals that are more setting your direction. But at every point you can kind of say, okay, what do I see now? Where do I want to go? Do I want to go left on this path, or do I want to blaze my own trail to the right? What might I find there? Am I equipped to go in that direction or not?

Betty: Well, too, I think we look at reinvent sometimes as a major thing had to happen. So now I’ve got to reinvent versus just know. I’ve got to this top of this hill like you’re talking about. So now, now which way am I going to go? Which way am I going to? Yeah, I think we. I think look at it that way. Sorry.

Aree: No. Yeah, I think reinvention. Sometimes people tie the idea of I’m reinventing because I was wrong in my original direction. You know, it’s a correction where really it’s a realignment or an evolution. You’re not leaving everything that you’ve learned, who you are, your personality, all of that behind, all of that’s coming with you and building from there. You’re changing direction. Yes. But you’re not negating everything that happened before.

Betty: You know, and I think that’s really crucial when you’re looking at reinventing that. You I mean, what you’re saying it it isn’t all or nothing. It isn’t it might just be just enough step around just to get around something that you don’t want to get into. I don’t know. But that’s interesting. I just am this person like when I finished 418 for taxes. Now I think it’s this big life is going to change or January 1st of every year now is, you know. Yeah. And it really isn’t that way. I mean, life just continues to go on and I do do a really big reset and maybe, maybe I’m confusing reset with reinvent. So I need to think that through. But I do really like what you said. Cracks are where the light comes in. That is. I’m going to take that with me for sure. Well, so so, you know, you’ve talked a little bit about you’ve had teams because you’ve led teams and such. And and so what is alignment look like for a team? Like how does a team, whether you manage them, whether you’re the owner, you’ve got this executive team, small teams, whatever teams, how does that work? How does alignment look for a team look like for a team?

Aree: Yeah, it’s I love it because it’s it’s layering on the individuals alignment. You’re going to have teams where you can identify some values that are common through all of you and you can lean into those and you have other ones where you’re like, okay, these people are just very different. Their priorities are different. Ones focused on, you know, personal, professional financial success, which is a great value to have, and someone else is more focused on relationships. So when you’re thinking of teams, it’s about recognizing the similarities and the differences in the values and finding ways to lean into those and help them work together. Right. So and and also when you’re talking about the skills, I think a lot of times I saw this, you know, in my career, there was a lot of, well, you’re at this level, therefore this is the work you do and you’re at this level. So here’s your skills and your your challenge. But when you really step back and take the labels away and the roles away, you kind of say, okay, who’s equipped to do this and who wants to learn to do it? So it’s it’s really looking without the labels and without the the hierarchy of who is on our team and where are we headed and how do we best organize our people, given the skill sets that we have, given their natural strengths, given the time frame that we have in order to make this happen. So alignment when we’re talking about teams is about, first of all, understanding who’s on the team and then working together to say, okay, here’s where we’re going to go and why we’re going to go with that direction and how it’s going to work. Leveraging everybody’s skills and trying to keep people in their values as much as possible so that we can all be comfortable and more effective along the way.

Betty: You know, when you think about teams, I think sometimes we’re more wrapped up in in what is Betty Collins comfort. So I just want this person to do this because I trust them or and really, at the end of the day, you’re going, this is not what they do well or this isn’t something they’re thriving on because maybe they don’t really value it or it’s not in their DNA. It’s not the skill set, but it’s the team leader’s comfort. And that’s what I’ve always done. And so, so really, you know, how do how does Betty College Bridge to go? No, I’ve got to look at my team, which is about ten people and see their strengths and and focus on that. How do how do I start that? It’s a big question and I know it’s not on our list, but it’s. You just made me think about that.

Speaker2: Yeah. And so I actually worked with a team in my old company that wasn’t they were all very, very individually successful people, yet they were struggling to really make the progress that they should be making. And we actually did the exercise we use Strength Finder to really say, okay, let’s take a look. Going back to the facts, let’s take a look at the facts of who each of you are and what your strengths are. Because this is when you’re busy, when it’s April 1st and you’ve got two weeks or you’re in crunch period, we fall back on our natural tendencies, we fall back on our knee jerk reactions because those are innate to us. So we took some time to actually say, let’s take a look at that and put them together and line them up and be like, okay, this person’s very strategic thinking, this person’s relationship oriented, this person should be spending more time planning and this person should be working more closely with the clients. So let’s rearrange things to make sure that we’re setting us up for success by recognizing how people operate. And that helped to clarify some of the decisions because some people were saying, well, you’re just you just like them better. So you’re moving them to this role and you’re like, Well, no, there’s a reason to it. And once you put it all on paper and let everyone see, you know, and talk about it, it’s like, Oh, you know, I’m really good at this, but I’m really tired of doing that because I’ve been doing it for. Five years. I’d like to learn something new. How to get people’s input on. What they want to be building if it’s something new as well. So but yeah, I think a lot of it was just finding the time and I know it’s hard to do that sometimes, finding the time to get all that down and get the facts in front of you so that you can see where the pieces line up the best.

Betty: Because everyone doesn’t see their skill set. Right. I mean, that has been something where all my career someone sees my strength and I call it the five guys I worked for. I’ve worked for five guys, and they all saw something in my strength, right? They saw these things that I didn’t see. And so trying to convince me sometimes that those were my strengths and that’s where I would be valuable to the team was always has always been. It’s just been something I’ve had to work at. And then I’m like, Why didn’t I see it? You know? And so as the leader for them, it was this is a great skill. We’re going to use this in her and she’s going to do these things and boom. But I didn’t see it until about 50. And I’m like, Wait a minute, this is my journey and I should be seeing these things. But I still had to have people around me help, help me see it. Yeah. And so you’re doing your team of favor when you’re going. These are the strengths, these are the skills. And and they’ll be more motivated because when I focus on what I do well, I’m a lot happier. A lot.

Aree: Happier. So. Absolutely. And that that goes to when we focus on what we do well and intentionally kind of building the skills we don’t, but also pushing into and leaning into intentionally activating our values. We find more sustainable success. We’re not pushing as hard to achieve the the goal that we’ve set. But we’re finding more happiness. We’re finding more comfort. We’re finding more natural. Consistency. Ability to show up without draining our energy along the way. So it makes it a much more sustainable path when you can kind of pay attention to that. And a lot of times, like you said, people see it before we do, right?

Betty: Yeah. And they’ve got to be as a leader, you’ve got to be able to go, this is really what you do well. And chances are it’s because it’s a natural skill or they value it. Right, right, right. And I know Betty Clarky with CPMedia, she said, I really think you need to find out your why. And I think that you need to listen to Simon Simek and go through his stuff. I said, Oh, sure, you know, but I really did go from saying I can do your taxes and your QuickBooks, and these are the things that I do. And that’s what I was engrossed in to the marketplace needs to work in our country when it works, the world works because helping business owners be more of a business advisor, it’s what I’m better at. Right.

Aree: Well, in that example that you said, you’re good at QuickBooks, you have the skills, right? But once you start looking at the other elements that’s getting into your values, that’s touching your heart, not just your brain, it’s tying it all together.

Betty: Right. And I just started that was something that changed my whole perception of what I am about. And that’s where I could start seeing these are my skills and these are the things I’m in, and I do value the marketplace in our country. It’s just important. It’s provision for households. You know, when an employer can be your you have an employer who has employees. Those are households that form communities. And so you’re starting to see this bigger picture and then it doesn’t become accounting anymore to me. So. Right. But it’s a hard thing to challenge and to get people to see that side of who they are.

Aree: But yes. Yes.

Betty: So alignment for a team is huge, huge, huge. But what is with with alignment and reinventing ourselves and and just bringing our values, knowing our values, all the things that we’ve just kind of talked about. What is the first step that people can do to make change?

Speaker2: The first step is awareness, and it’s so hard to see the truth. Sometimes there’s if you start paying attention to what people are coming to ask you for, you know, they come to you to I had I had people that would come to me and say, hey, you know what? I know you’re not on this project. That’s kind of a difficult client. Can you just sit in on the call and listen and tell me where the challenge is? Where is the miscommunication? Because my skill was listening. Like I could pay attention and and hear what wasn’t being said. And, you know, not anything that an actuary is ever trained to do. It was something that was natural in me. But when I started paying attention, I’m like, Wait, people are asking me for things that I don’t go seeking. And and then I and then I start paying attention. I’m like, does that actually make sense? Is that something I enjoy doing? Is that something that when I get to do that, do I come away energized and pay attention to that? Pay attention to the negative things to pay attention to? What are you procrastinating on? What’s the friction that’s kind of holding you back? Is it something that’s pointing to a value that’s being violated? It’s like you just hesitate to do something because it doesn’t line up with your values. There’s usually a reason that your body is not jumping right into it and going, Okay, let’s get this project done.

Aree: So start paying attention to those things. So awareness is huge. And then, yeah, and then from there it’s activating it. I think that the, the big step that we miss once we start knowing what our values are is we tend to say, okay, you know, my value, I value curiosity. So I’m going to hope that it shows up. And when it does, I’m going to really enjoy it. But, but when we take that step of how do I create it for others, or how do I bring it alive in myself, adding a verb to what curiosity is for you or what collaboration is for you? Bringing that intentionally, bringing that value to life, whether it’s internal or with others, or just spreading it in the world, that will help you and create the habit of of making it a part of your days, not just waiting for it to show up and go, you know? Yeah. You know, I love authenticity and I’m glad I saw it in three people today and, you know, but intentionally saying, here’s how I’m going to do it. I’m going to start encouraging my team to show up. I’m going to ask them about what they’re doing at home so that they can bring their whole self. I’m going to act into these values, not just wait for them to show up.

Betty: That’s really good. I’m going to say that again, act into the values. And not just waiting for them to show up. That’s really good. So chances are you really have to get people to to define their values, you know, I mean, they really got to tap into what do I value?

Aree: Right.

Betty: Right. And and we think of sometimes that as well. We don’t want to hear about how you want to make money. That’s not a value. But it it is.

Aree: It can’t be.

Betty: Yeah, sure.

Aree: It’s financial security is a big value, especially for people who grew up without it. It’s important to have that because it keeps them safe. It helps them feel comfortable.

Betty: Acting to the values and not waiting for them just to happen. I really I’ll put that in my one of my quotes somewhere. I’m taking I’m stealing your quotes. I shouldn’t be doing this.

Aree: Perfect. Please do.

Betty: What is the one thing that you would want the audience to really take away today about alignment that so they can kind of maybe get started or really do some soul searching and thinking about it. What would that be?

Aree: I think the one thing is that with alignment, when you start seeing the the dimensions open up, it gives you choices. So you get to be the pilot. You get to navigate into what you want your future to be. So it’s it’s about taking those controls back and we all have that opportunity.

Betty: Right. So two more questions that have nothing to do with this. So what’s your favorite place to hike and go out? Where’s where’s the spot? Because you’re in you’re in beautiful country.

Aree: That’s for sure. I yes. And. Well lately around the Denver area. Roxboro is a it’s it’s right in the foothills and it’s got some beautiful, towering red rocks. And it’s just a very unique landscape where you never know what you’ll come across. There’s a lot of birds and wildlife and it’s just gorgeous because it’s got the red rock and the green grass and the blue skies. And yeah.

Betty: I love Sedona. Probably is one of my favorite places to go because of that Red Rock. But you also have a whole, I don’t know, whole series. I shouldn’t. But you have something about navigating and you use a lot of that. So if you’re looking for that, it’s it’s it’s a pretty cool. I’ve watched some of your TED talks and some of that. So but tell us where we can find you because she has been on a TED Talk. I don’t know how many you’ve done, but I saw some of them and and they’re pretty interesting topics. But tell us a little bit about about where they can find your information and maybe some of the other things that you speak about.

Aree: Yeah. So the best place to find me is on LinkedIn. It’s Aree Bly. Aree Bly the only one out there? That’s where I’m most active. And I also you can always go to my website alignmentally.com. I’ve got a blog active there and you can learn more about the speaking and, and how to reach me for coaching too, because I do complementary calls for anyone that might be interested in coaching this to, to get a little bit of traction. But yeah, I think that what I speak about and you’re right it all because of who I am, because I am happiest when there’s no roof above me is all very much navigation and outdoor lingo in it. So, you know, I’ve done quite a few talks on hacking your G.P.S., which is really about a lot of what we’ve been talking about now, how to involve your values, how to get beyond just the flat map of what are my skills and how do I move forward, but how do I activate that so that I can create the path that fits where I want to go like a GPS does? There’s do a bit of talking about the landscape itself and understanding the different areas and how to move through there. And then another talk that that I really enjoy giving is how not to die in the wilderness. It’s recently retitled, but it’s all about, you know, we die, quote unquote, in the wilderness, in our careers, in our in our lives by not living true to who we are, by not by going alone when we shouldn’t be going alone, by holding too tightly to the goal and getting there at all costs. And we lose ourselves along the way. There’s a lot of ways that we can counteract kind of our tendency to to let ourselves die in our careers.

Betty: Yeah, well, I certainly appreciate getting to know you and to getting to have you on the podcast today. I would tell you to check out Ari Bly. That’s cool that you’re the only Ari Bly on LinkedIn, how many people they have, but that’s awesome. But we appreciate you coming on today. We look forward to to getting to know you more and to the audience. Enjoy digging in a little bit and being inspired, that’s for sure. So I’m Betty Collins. This is inspiring women and we are so glad that you were with us today. Thank you.

Aree: Thank you.