BRX Pro Tip: You Can’t Give a Person Self Esteem, But You Can Help Them Earn It
Stone Payton: Welcome back to Business RadioX Pro Tips, Lee Kantor and Stone Payton here with you. Lee, as our organization has scaled and I continue to try to fit into this role of leading other people, I got to be honest with you, man, sometimes I get the sense that people don’t have the self-esteem or self-efficacy that I wish they would have, as early as I wish they would have it. But how do you give somebody self-esteem.
Lee Kantor: Yeah. This is one of those things where, and especially this comes to light with parents, they want their kid to have self-esteem so bad that they’re trying to give them self-esteem. And self-esteem is not something that can be given to somebody else. It has to be earned by that person. So, you can put a person in scenarios that help them earn self-esteem, but you can’t just give it to them. So, this is a mistake that parents make all the time and a lot of employers make.
Lee Kantor: And that external praise alone is not enough when it comes to, you know, giving somebody self-esteem. Compliments, encouragement, they can support somebody, but they don’t replace that sense of accomplishment that comes from earning success through their own effort. So, you just can’t good job a person to self-esteem. It doesn’t work like that.
Lee Kantor: And you got to remember that self-esteem comes from within. The word self is in the title, self-esteem. True self-esteem is rooted in a person’s belief in their own abilities and worth. You can’t give it to somebody else. They have to kind of internally validate themselves. And it can’t be done through external affirmation, so you can’t just give it to them. They have to earn it. So, you can create scenarios where they earn it and they feel like I can do this and I can accomplish things. Do that all day long, but you just can’t good job, great job. That’s not going to get it done.
Lee Kantor: And then, a lot of times where it rears its head with lacking self- esteem is they’re afraid to take action. So, you have to encourage action over perfection. You have to support people by taking smaller steps towards their goals, celebrate small wins. All of that stuff is going to help an individual build self-esteem, but, again, you cannot give it to them.
Lee Kantor: And ultimately what you’re trying to do is you want to empower ownership. When they earn self-esteem through their own actions and their own reflections, these individuals are going to take more and more ownership for their own growth, and then it’ll be more sustainable.
