In this episode of Veteran Business Radio, Lee Kantor speaks with Dr. Bob Houle, founder of VetsStrong, about the growing loneliness epidemic affecting veterans across the country. Dr. Houle shares his personal journey from Vietnam to becoming an advocate for reconnection, and he breaks down the psychological, social, and lifestyle factors that contribute to isolation. He offers actionable steps—simple, practical, and low-risk—that veterans can take to rebuild community, rediscover joy, and improve their mental and physical well-being.
Dr. Robert Houle is a Vietnam veteran turned social scientist who helps America’s warriors beat loneliness and reclaim purpose.
A former Army counterintelligence agent who came home to decades of PTSD and isolation, he transformed his struggle into a 50+ year mission: building a structured roadmap and system for authentic, lasting connections.
Today, he shares proven tools, compelling stories, and hope-filled strategies for overcoming loneliness — at a time when America faces a national epidemic of disconnection. 
Episode Highlights
- Vets Strong helps veterans overcome loneliness by encouraging reconnection, community involvement, and rediscovering activities they enjoy.
- Loneliness is widespread and intensifying, with a significant percentage of veterans experiencing chronic isolation and higher suicide rates compared to civilians.
- Excessive screen time can worsen isolation, activating the brain’s threat response and creating a false sense of connection.
- Simple, low-risk steps can rebuild community, such as using the five-foot rule, joining meetups, participating in faith communities, engaging with neighbors, or connecting through veteran-specific platforms.
- Reconnection starts with intentional action, choosing happiness, embracing purpose, and recognizing that prolonged loneliness can negatively impact long-term health.
This transcript is machine transcribed by Sonix.
TRANSCRIPT
Intro: Broadcasting live from the Business RadioX studios in Atlanta, Georgia. It’s time for Veteran Business Radio, brought to you by ATLVets, providing the tools and support that help veteran owned businesses thrive. For more information, go to ATL vetsource. Now here’s your host.
Lee Kantor: Lee Kantor here, another episode of Veteran Business Radio and this is going to be a good one. But before we get started, it’s important to recognize our sponsor, ATLVets, inspiring veterans to build their foundation of success and empowering them to become the backbone of society after the uniform. For more information, go to ATLvets. Today’s show is a very special one we have with us today, Dr. Bob Houle. He is with an organization called Vets Strong, and we’re here to talk about the national loneliness crisis. Welcome.
Dr. Bob Houle: Hi, Lee. Thank you for inviting me.
Lee Kantor: Well, I’m excited to learn about your organization, and I’m excited to learn your take on this national crisis that we’re going through regarding loneliness. Right. So before we get too far into things, tell us about Vets Strong. How are you serving folks?
Dr. Bob Houle: Uh, vets Strong? It is. We’re an organization that focuses on helping veterans overcome loneliness. You know, to belong again, to find the tribe again. Something that they lose once we leave the service. Essentially, it’s, uh. I want to get people to have a little fun and get out there and and meet people and fill themselves with, uh, the joy of living, basically.
Lee Kantor: So what was the kind of the genesis of the idea? When did you kind of realize that there was this crisis and you wanted to be a part of the solution?
Dr. Bob Houle: Uh, I first realized that about ten years ago, some of my clients, I noticed, were very, very lonely. Then Covid came along and it exacerbated quite a bit. The American Psychological Association just came out with a survey just on Friday that said 50% of people are lonely most of the time, are part of the time, but is skewed toward veterans. 60% of veterans are rather lonely quite a bit of the time, and the suicide rate is three times the normal civilian population. So I’ve been connecting all my life. I came back from Vietnam and I was married, but I hardly knew her. I got married before going, uh, going over there and, um, so I came back from Vietnam and even though I was married, I was lonely. So I found ways to to not be lonely. And that was basically I discovered what I love to do. And so I’ve been on a lifelong journey, really, to reconnect. I had a violent upbringing as a child and then PTSD in Vietnam. So I felt very isolated from from those traumas. And I decided about ten years ago that, uh, veterans needed my help. And I was running into them here and there, and I had the skills to help them in the background. So that’s been my mission.
Lee Kantor: So how did how did you kind of come up with the solution? Like, what are some of the the ways you help veterans kind of, um, escape this pattern of loneliness?
Dr. Bob Houle: You know, I’m kind of a one trick pony in terms of consulting and Counseling. People need to do what they love. Veterans, we need to get out of the house and actually do what we love. Um, Desmond Morris, the the, uh, anthropologist wrote a book called The Naked Ape. And he said that when we’re isolated, uh, the cortisol’s happened through the brain. Um, we feel lonely. We start to degenerate in terms of our our feelings and our physical ability. And he did this study on apes in 1967. And, uh, so we have to get out of the house. And so I’ve been that’s been my focus for quite a while. Uh, is is motivating people to get out because us veterans, a lot of times we’re fear, we’re isolated, we go within ourselves. And what we need to do is get out. You know, our families are harassing us. Our friends are saying, go meet somebody, uh, get out of the house. And so most of my work is getting people to get out and meet other people by doing what they love. Um, when you’re doing what you love, you’re at your best. And and, uh, if you’re doing your God given skills, you’re you’re at your very, very best. So, um, that’s basically what I’m about. And there’s a lot of mini steps to do that and get there.
Lee Kantor: Now, do you find a lot of folks, um, and especially, like you said, it was exacerbated during Covid that when they’re in the house, when they’re in their own kind of head, then they get online and then they kind of spiral into this, um, negative place and that that’s making it even harder for them to take the action to get out, you know, even get off the couch and get, you know, out outside of the front door.
Dr. Bob Houle: Yeah. The research shows that, uh, Set people online. It creates a threat environment. I mentioned cortisol. It releases adrenaline. It releases cortisol. You’re like a rat on a treadmill. You know, trying to connect, connect, connect. And what that does, it creates isolation. Um, and it’s not good for us that way. And it rivets us actually into the computer screen because the computer screen and all this social media creates, um, uh, like I say, a threat response, and it hooks our reptilian mind. So that’s why I’m pretty. I’m pretty motivated to get people out of the house and meet somebody, even if it’s something like going to the park or the library or smiling at the mailman. Uh, you have to have human contact, not contact with the screen.
Lee Kantor: Now, now the I guess the trap with the screen is that you’re getting those dopamine little hits, Right. You’re you’re getting kind of the. Oh, I’m doing something. Look. Oh, I got a reaction. Look, I’m I’m I’m in a community like you can easily talk yourself into. Hey, I am connecting with people.
Dr. Bob Houle: Yes, it’s it’s, uh, it’s really it’s really interesting as this this developed, you know, people I have people I know, they say I have a thousand friends. I said, well, how many of them will have you helped move this weekend? You know, those are your friends. You have three, 4 or 5 friends, you know. Um, yeah. That sitting in front of the computer, it’s lazy. It’s, um. You’re not risking anything. Um, uh, I heard Doctor Height the other day on television. Talk about, um, he’s a social psychologist out of NYU. He’s talking about young men and young men don’t know how to meet women. Uh, he said you got to get out. You have to get rejected. You know who hasn’t done that? You know, ask women on a date. And I’ve run into several veterans that are just scared to death of asking women out. And it’s created a gap. Now, uh, as a lot of educated women, more women are educated than men right now. Uh, they’re more social. They’re they have more social skills. They connect naturally. And men don’t have that in the statistics. Are are the statistics are lopsided on it. And women have a problem with this now.
Lee Kantor: Now, what are some of the baby steps that a veteran can take to kind of overcome? Maybe that fear of rejection and maybe take those steps outside of their home, like you mentioned? Um, you know, some of the places they could go, the park and stuff, like are there are there kind of more comfortable environments for the veteran, like is a gym a more comfortable environment or, uh, you know, a place of worship. Is there is there some baby steps they could be taking to kind of ease themselves into making more connections?
Dr. Bob Houle: Really good connections. Really good question. Uh, gyms are terrible. Um, people are there to exercise. They have headphones on, and it’s a noisy environment. Uh, places of worship are excellent. You have shared values. Um, you meet people, uh, that you love if you go to meetup. I’m a big fan of meetup. Uh, and you put in there I love astrology. You’ll come up or astronomy, you’ll come up with all kinds of clubs locally around that. The other thing I love to talk about is the five foot rule. If you go to the store, this is taught, uh, the Hilton, I got this, I robbed this from the Hilton. They teach employees. Anybody that comes within ten feet. You nod, anyone comes within five feet, you say hello, and I do that in my neighborhood. They’re calling me Mr. Rogers in the neighborhood with my dog and I and my wife, you know, um. It’s free. It doesn’t cost anything. It’s extremely low risk. And the research shows that you don’t have to invite them to dinner, just that contact, um, keeps you feel safe. Um, and, um. Yeah. Those those. Oh, another thing that’s really important is, uh, together we serve. It’s for veterans. You can go on there. Together we serve. And, um, you put your name, uh, the Army. Navy, the branch of service. You’re in your zip code, and it’ll kick out veterans in your zip code with similar backgrounds. And you can call them up, email them all the contact information is there. Um, so those are those are basic things. And you don’t need to you don’t need to go find a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Um, you just need to get out and hang with your tribe, hang with people with shared values and like you mentioned, libraries, museums, any public place where people are around, you can go sit at a bus stop. Even you just need to hang out with, uh, other people.
Lee Kantor: Now, you mentioned, uh, you’re meeting a lot of your neighbors just by walking. Your dog is having a dog and walking your dog. Is that kind of a baby step that people can take that that forces you to go outside?
Dr. Bob Houle: That’s excellent. Yes, that is a matter of fact. One of one of the things I mentioned in the book is that, um, get a dog that’ll solve a lot of problems. And the other thing you need to do is get a canary. They’re both cheap. They both love you. Crazy canary sing all day long, and a dog is a great place to go into dog parks, uh, is a great, great thing to do because people have a reason now to say hello. Oh, you have a lovely dog or what a cute dog. And, um, I’ve seen a lot of people meet a lot of friends there. Um, yeah, that’s a great, great way to do it.
Lee Kantor: Now, you mentioned the importance of faith. Um, is if you lean into your faith, even though it might be a tough time for you, but lean into your faith and kind of immerse yourself into your community, around your faith. That seems to be I don’t want to say a cheat code, but it can be very helpful because now all of a sudden you have other people around you, you have similar values around you, you have a place of service around you. Like it checks a lot of the boxes in order to not be lonely.
Dr. Bob Houle: Yeah, I’m a huge fan of that strategy. Uh, the other thing, the research shows that the number one predictor of long term success in relationship is propinquity. In other words, you marry the girl next door. It’s the same with, uh, uh, with faith. Uh, the people there, you share the religion. You probably share the same, uh, socioeconomic Economic levels. Um, and I recommend just don’t go to church. The most important thing is go to the potluck after, you know, and other faith based things. That’s a wonderful way, uh, to meet people. And it’s low risk, uh, because there’s a lot of people in there who want to include you and bring you into the club or into the club, uh, into the church. Um, so they will walk up to you and say hello if they see a new face.
Lee Kantor: So you’re saying to the sermons are great, but you really want to invest some time in the social aspect of the, of the religious place.
Dr. Bob Houle: You know, the paradox of that? Um, my experience in faith, uh, going to church is I pretty much have heard it before, but in a different way. But what’s brand new is the potluck after you see new people. Um, and that’s the point where you’re going to be nervous, but, uh, they will invite you into the group and you’ll have belonging and inclusion right off the bat, and they will also include you into other things Bible studies, music programs. Uh, yeah, I’m a big fan of that strategy.
Lee Kantor: Now. Do you have any advice for the civilians out there, um, to help them better support the veterans that are in their lives?
Dr. Bob Houle: Yes. Um, don’t ask them, uh, if you killed anybody, uh, even saying thank you for your services. Uh, patronizing veterans have mentioned that to me. I feel a little uncomfortable when people say it to me. Um, you know, I was drafted, you know, so no war hero or anything. Um, I wasn’t a gung ho person to go over there. I was drafted, I did my duty. Um. Um. Yeah. So that those are, you know, that’s a notion.
Lee Kantor: So now, um, if somebody wants to connect with you and become part of your tribe. What is the best way to do that? You mentioned a book. Is there a place where you can send people so they can get Ahold of the book, or connect with you or somebody else? That’s part of your community.
Dr. Bob Houle: They can go to a vets. Com and also I’m inviting listeners to send an email to me. That’s a doctor o e r t h u l e at gmail and I can send them some resources, some tips booklet. Um, I’m also, uh, working on a thing called the Veterans Audio Minute that’s not completed yet, but it will be in about a week and I can send them information on that as well. And also check the Veterans Administration. They have a huge amount of resources. You know what Abraham Lincoln said? People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. And I always say, you need to be sick and tired of being sick and tired. You need to decide to be happy. And, uh, you better do it fast. Because, uh, people my age, I’m 79 years old. Um, if you’re lonely and you’re not connecting with people, it’s like smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, so it’s lethal.
Lee Kantor: Amen to that. Well, um, thank you so much for sharing your story today. You’re doing such important work. Um, and we appreciate you.
Dr. Bob Houle: Lee, thank you so much. And I enjoy your mission. And you are a you’re a gift to the world.
Lee Kantor: Well, thank you very much. And that’s vets vets strong. Oh.
Dr. Bob Houle: Yes. Thank you so much.
Lee Kantor: All right. This is Lee Kantor. We’ll see you all next time on Veterans Business Radio.
