Krista Ryan, KfG Coaching

Intro: [00:00:04] Broadcasting from the Business RadioX Studios, it’s time for Workplace MVP. Workplace MVP is brought to you by R3 Continuum, a global leader in workplace behavioral health, and security solutions. Now, here’s your host, Jamie Gassmann.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:00:25] Hi, everyone. Your host Jamie Gassman here and welcome to this episode of Workplace MVP. Work is just one part of an employee’s life. Outside of the workplace, they have various other commitments, responsibilities, and activities that they are involved with. Great way to sum it up, it’s their life outside of work. And just like at work, disruptive events or events out of the employee’s control can occur, the death of a loved one, divorce, pandemic stress, catastrophic accident, natural disaster, and violent acts, to name a few.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:00:59] Disruption is one’s life with – disruption in one’s life whether at work or at home, can have an impact on their ability to remain productive and thrive both in and out of the workplace. When the disruption is personal, how can an employer help their employee with the recovery journey? And in doing that, what are the benefits they receive from providing that support?

Jamie Gassmann: [00:01:22] Well, joining us today to share her personal story of recovery following the Las Vegas Route 91 Harvest Music Festival mass shooting and her journey to helping other organizations support their employees through events that are out of their control is Workplace MVP and Professional Business and Employee Success Coach for Bravely and founder of KFG Coaching Krista Ryan. Welcome to the show, Krista.

Krista Ryan: [00:01:47] Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. It’s a pleasure being with you today.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:01:52] Yeah. We’re really, really happy to have you on the show and so excited to hear from you in terms of, you know, the journey that you’ve been on and how you’ve turned that into your coaching career and in helping other individuals with disruption. So with that, can you start off by walking us through, now I know you had a career in human resources and coaching prior to forming KFG Coaching. So can you walk us through your journey of becoming a success coach?

Krista Ryan: [00:02:22] Yes. Absolutely. Honestly, it’s one of those journeys that I never would have dreamt. This is where I’d be sitting today. Never in my wildest dreams. I’m communications major. That’s really where my heart lies. I’ve always enjoyed conversations and having communication with other people. I thought I was going to go into journalism for a while. There was just something in me that really enjoys having conversations. So with that being said, I quickly realized that that’s not just what my career is. It’s a passion.

Krista Ryan: [00:02:57] So, when I talk about how I became this employee success coach, it was really by accident. I have 18 years background experience as a human resources director in an organization that actually my husband and I own. So, I had that conversation piece very consistent. It was happening on a daily basis with our staff as their human resources director. What I realized I was doing was, in essence, I believed what I was doing through my conversations was coaching them.

Krista Ryan: [00:03:30] So, long story short, I remember walking into my husband’s office and saying, I think I need to figure out that I’m doing this effectively, that I actually know what I’m doing. I would love to go out and get formally certified, get my education as a career business coach and make sure I can apply those skill sets to our staff. So, very supportive. He was all on board with that. I went out – in 2016 is when I went and got my formal education with executive employee coaching, got certified, and then came back.

Krista Ryan: [00:04:04] So, my education, I’m based out of Minnesota. My education was at Newfield Network in Colorado. I came home, flew home, literally. It was such in-depth information. It’s one of those moments where you’re like, whoa, that was a huge overload of information. I literally remember sitting on my patio that night after flying in. It was a late flight. And I sat there and I remember looking up at the stars and thinking, What in the world am I going to do with all of this information? It was a lot. How am I going to apply this? How am I going to make an impact with all of this information just given to me?

Krista Ryan: [00:04:44] So, interesting how the world works was four days after the flight home and that actual question, my husband and I and some close friends of ours flew out to Las Vegas. So, we’re big country music fans. We enjoy outdoor concerts. We absolutely love the energy all that brings. So, we went out to celebrate. My husband and I really wanted to celebrate my certification in this new journey of mine as an employee coach and also just celebrate with our friends at this musical festival, so Route 91. So, we were there in what turned out to be a celebration quickly turned into tragedy as we were involved in the Route 91 Harvest Music Festival Mass Shooting, which stands today as America’s largest mass shooting; 58 lives were claimed that night. Two other individuals passed away since then due to the injuries.

Krista Ryan: [00:05:44] So, it definitely was an opportunity and it’s how I got to where I’m at today. Through my recovery, through the lessons I learned, I’d been given this tool kit, all of these tools I had just learned in my education and in my certification for coaching. And I was actively working them. But I had that opportunity, the gift to not just talk the talk but now I was walking the walk, utilizing these tools that I had received through coaching in my own recovery.

Krista Ryan: [00:06:19] And it sounds like okay that’s the story but it was years of hard work, years of new awareness, years of learning who I am and how I can effectively respond to every situation that I’m encountered with. So, that’s really how I got into developing my own business, KFG Coaching. It’s really to help employees of organizations across the globe understand that it’s up to them on how they respond to any situation and through coaching. That’s the support that we really offer and that’s the impact that I am inspired to make on the employees and really overall the world.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:07:02] Right. I mean, and that it’s such a – you know, it’s like there’s always things in our life that’s like, oh, now I understand why I had to go through that. Right? I mean, obviously going through mass shooting, we all hear it on the news and it’s – you always, I don’t know about, you know, I’m sure you experiencing it firsthand. It’s like, what was that like? What was that in that moment? What were some of the things that you carried with you after that? What was your kind of the survival of it, the recovery of it? Can you talk us through some of the feelings that you were going through when that event was happeningAbsolutely. It’s interesting. I’d heard of all these kinds of events. Right. So, you see them on the news. You hear about them. You have some sort of really close connection that’s going through something that you can’t even wrap your head around. You just can’t even understand it. I quickly realized it as being part of it, as of there was 22,000 plus people in attendance of that event. I mean, it was an impactful event for thousands and thousands of people, not just those in attendance, but those that are connected to them, our family members, our close friends. It was really a trickle effect for those that were involved.

Krista Ryan: [00:08:18] What I learned is you actually know nothing, right? There’s so much that is out of your control, even in the heat of the moment. So, some main points that really stand out from my experience there specifically at that night was I actually don’t remember making any kind of decisions. It was just all of a sudden your body takes over and action takes place. So, I don’t remember making the decision to lie down on the ground. I don’t remember making the decision to stand up and start running. I do remember when the shot started, my husband and I and our friends, actually, I got separated from all of them. So, I had 2% on my phone battery and the last text message went to one of my dear girlfriends and said, “My phone is at 2%. I’m really worried that it’s going to die and then I’m going to be not able to find you guys.” I’m really concerned about that.

Krista Ryan: [00:09:18] My husband was on a mission to find the world’s biggest belt buckle. That’s what he was doing. That’s how we were separated. So, he was looking for a belt buckle. And I was frustrated because we couldn’t find each other. So, there were already emotions that were involved in the story before the shots even started.

Krista Ryan: [00:09:36] When they started, I do remember the gut feeling, right, and I’ve always been one that follows my gut. I don’t always follow my heart or my head, but I definitely am listening if something is in my gut of what’s going on. And something told me those were not fireworks and this was very serious. Those that were around me were saying, “You guys, it’s fine, it’s fine. It’s got to be fireworks. It’s got to be fireworks.”

Jamie Gassmann: [00:10:03] So, there was that conversation right at the beginning, but then it very quickly turned into absolute chaos because we were seeing individuals that had been hit. We were seeing people, the effects of it. And it was almost as if someone was spraying a garden hose up in the air because there was a lot of ricocheting. We are the – concert was on solid ground, so it wasn’t grass. So, a lot of the bullets were kind of like ricocheting off things. So, there was really no safe area, a lot of chaos. No one really knew where the shots were coming from.

Krista Ryan: [00:10:39] It was only the next day that we found out exactly what had happened from the news. We had absolutely no clue if it was one person, if there were multiple, if we were surrounded, and we really were caged. We were in this area that was fenced in. So, I don’t remember making choices. I do remember the world turned black and white. Like for some reason, there was no color and that was just my own body’s way of observing what was happening I guess. I remember very little sound other than the shots. I don’t remember screams or cries or people even really talking. It was almost as if life just slowed down. You know, life really just went in slow motion for a while.

Krista Ryan: [00:11:28] And then it was one of those, “What’s the next best thing? What do I need to do next?” And my decision, everyone had that question without even knowing they had that question. That’s where you see some people their next best thing is laying on top of someone to protect them. You know, the next person, their next best thing is to run, jump over the fence, try to get out of there. The other person’s next best thing is to wrap gauze around someone that was wounded. So, everyone had different action steps that they were taking. And mine were – my next best thing for me is I’m getting out of here. I’m going home to my three kids. That’s definitely in the forefront of my mind. I’m going to do absolutely everything I can to get out of this situation and to get home.

Krista Ryan: [00:12:17] That piece of it actually took a ton of recovery for me because that decision I held on to and started asking myself, why didn’t I stop and help people that I saw were injured? Why did I keep running? Why didn’t I do more on my part to X, Y or Z? So, those are the questions that started to come to the surface and they were not helping me. They were hurting me because it was holding me back. And, really, I got sucked into that deep, deep, dark victim mindset.

Krista Ryan: [00:12:53] So, was I a victim? And were those that were there that night of victim? Absolutely, 100%. But the next hour, the next day, the day after, the month after, we’re not victims anymore. If we choose to respond in a way that really supports us in that moment, we’re not victims. So, it’s really – it was a really a long journey of recovery and a lot of tools, a lot of hard work to kind of start shifting away from that mindset because it’s all about the way you respond.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:13:26] Yeah. And in that recovery, let’s talk a little bit about that because I kind of formed, you know, some of what we’re talking about today is, you know, what was it like getting on that plane to fly home?

Krista Ryan: [00:13:38] Oh, that was absolutely horrific, to be completely honest with you. It was not only was it horrific because we absolutely were traumatized. We flew home the next day. I don’t know. But I’m assuming most of the people on that flight had witnessed what we had. There was a lot of scary, dark, heavy emotions that were attached on the flight. We were scared.

Krista Ryan: [00:14:06] You know, when I say we, I’m using myself. I can only tell my story. You know, I can only share my piece of it. But we, as my friends and myself and my husband, can collectively agree that we were definitely afraid. You know, we were afraid. We knew that we were changed in some way, shape, or form likely for the rest of our lives. And it was just a really scary flight home because we had no idea what’s next. We have no idea.

Krista Ryan: [00:14:34] We all knew we had different stories. And it actually took days and days, maybe even a week or two after before we started sharing internally within the group of us what exactly had happened, you know. So, there was a lot of that shutdown, close in, protect ourselves. And that flight home, it was terrible weather. It was very bumpy. The emotions were already there. I cried personally the whole way home. I just remember nonstop tears, which brought a lot of different emotions. It was tears of gratitude, tears of sorrow, tears of what just happened. We were definitely in shock. And tears of what’s next. What do we do now? What’s the next best thing for us or for me?

Jamie Gassmann: [00:15:24] Yeah. A lot to process.

Krista Ryan: [00:15:26] It absolutely was.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:15:27] And also that, you know, I hear a lot of like kind of that survivor’s guilt and you touch a little bit on that where your focal point was to get out of there so you could get home for your kiddos. And yet you’re thinking back on, could I have done more in that moment? You know, so when you got back, you know, and we’ve talked about this on a previous call in terms of that recovery journey.

Krista Ryan: [00:15:52] Yeah.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:15:52] Share with us a little bit. I mean, because one of the things that you touched on is that you shared. There wasn’t really a lot of – you couldn’t find support that could help with addressing what you just went through.

Krista Ryan: [00:16:04] Yeah.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:16:05] And I know our show sponsor, R3 Continuum, provides support at a workplace level, but this is a personal disruption so –

Krista Ryan: [00:16:13] Absolutely.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:16:14] Share with me a little bit some of the challenging parts of the recovery what you would want workplace leaders that might be listening to know and how they can reach out and support their employees.

Krista Ryan: [00:16:26] Yeah. So that was a huge piece and a really huge awareness for myself. So, I’ve always been one who’s not afraid to ask for help. So, that is one thing I’ve always known about myself. I’ve had no problem reaching out and saying like, “Hey, I’m a big believer in therapy.” You know, I’m a big believer that if you’re navigating something and you have questions about if this is effective or if I’m doing this, is this for my best interest that we’re not meant to figure that out alone, that it’s important to ask for support from others. So, in this situation – pardon me, I’m taking a drink. In this situation, it was one of those things that I got home and I knew immediately I’m going to need some major help. I absolutely. I can’t self-diagnose PTSD, but I knew I was in shock, so I was not afraid to start searching and asking for help.

Krista Ryan: [00:17:19] I remember being in the real heat of the moment that brought that awareness to me was the day after we got back. I tried to get into my normal life again immediately. And I remember being afraid to go to bed that night. I didn’t want to turn off the lights. I didn’t want to hear any kind of flashbacks. I didn’t want to hear the gunshots. I had to stop watching the news because it was all over the news. And I started attaching myself to what I was seeing on the news, thinking did I see that? Did I witness that piece? Is that me? I was navigating and looking for, is that me in this new story? Is that me? And looking for answers that were never going to come. They were – I was never going to find the answers of why that happened. What could I have done differently? How could I have responded differently? Those were answers that were hurting me and not helping my recovery.

Krista Ryan: [00:18:09] I was at the grocery store the day after returning and I live not too far from Mayo Clinic. So, we have a helicopter that’s from the hospital that flies over frequently. The helicopter flying over eerily sounded very much like the gunshots at night. And my body went into protection mode at the grocery store. When I was walking out with my cart of groceries, that’s when I knew I cannot continue on this way. I have to ask for some help and assistance. That was my first blockade.

Krista Ryan: [00:18:39] I reached out to multiple places begging for help and I got the response consistently back like, “Yeah, we can open up our calendar for you. We can get you in. It’s going to be three months. It’s going to be eight weeks. It’s going to be.” And I thought if I continue in this way, in this mindset, I’m going to have to admit myself or something because I was helpless. I didn’t know what to do.

Krista Ryan: [00:19:04] So, bless my husband mentioned he has a close connection and a dear friend of ours actually that he said, “Have you thought of reaching out to her?” And I said, “No, I haven’t really.” So, I did. And she got me in the next day. And that was the first step for me really recovering and my body was responding. There’s a lot of somatics involved in recovery when you’re recovering from something like this, shaking of the body, tears. Your body is just trying to process what happened.

Krista Ryan: [00:19:42] So, that was step one for me, and the first time I shared my story with anybody was with her. And it was terrible. It was, you know, tears and shaking, but it was also the most beautiful moment because it was the first one for me to make that step forward. So, my first learning there is don’t think for a second you’re expected to do this alone because you, quite frankly, cannot. It’s too much for one person to be able to navigate alone. So, keep looking, keep looking for support, and don’t stop asking until you receive the support that you’re looking for. That was my first awareness and a really big lesson I took.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:20:28] Yeah. It’s like you’re not alone in that journey of recovery. There’s help for you out there. Yeah. And so we talked a little bit about how each individual has a different experience or perception and a journey following disruption. I know you’ve touched a little bit on that with your husband had a totally different experience and his recovery was different, and even your friends. Can you share how you saw that between the two of you? Like the differences between. Because I know sometimes people start to try to relate, well, you know, you’re not – you should be going through it the same way and they assume that can cause kind of some hindrance to recovery or unintentional, like aggression between. So, you talk a little bit about some of that differentiation that you and your husband went through.

Krista Ryan: [00:21:19] Yeah. Absolutely. And it happens in our personal lives and you see it all over the workplace, too, right. So, you identify someone’s going through something challenging and you immediately come up with solutions for them, right? So that I did it myself with my husband. I decided that since I was going to a somatic therapist, that’s what everyone that experience this should be doing because it was right for me. And then, when it wasn’t happening, when he was recovering, he was on his own journey that he was involved in his story. I was attaching myself to it because I love him. And then I was getting frustrated because he’s not doing things in the way that I feel like he should have but that it had nothing to do with me. That was a really hard pill for me to swallow. And it was a big breakdown for me, right?

Jamie Gassmann: [00:22:07] So, I realized I was attaching myself to his journey so I could avoid looking at my own and, really, what supports me in my own recovery, in my own growth, in my own experience is not cookie-cutter the same for everybody. Everyone observes situations differently. Everyone – some people walked away from that experience with no, they didn’t need any kind of therapy. They observed it. They processed it. They found the healthy steps to move forward from it. And they lived healthy, happy lives a lot faster than I did.

Krista Ryan: [00:22:46] I had to do hard work because I didn’t know how to do it. I didn’t realize it that I was the one accountable for myself and actually no one else. It’s a lot easier to tell someone how they should recover. Right? And it’s a lot easier to draft and say, I think you should do this. I think you need to do this. I think you need to do this, that it’s quite frankly and it’s really a blunt way to say it, but it’s none of our business. It is their own journey to process. And that was frustrating as heck to me because I love these people so much I wanted them to come with me and do it my way because it was supporting me. And that created more breakdown than good.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:23:30] Yeah. And, I imagine too, there could be like the reverse, where you feel like they should be feeling the same way that you are and should understand how you’re feeling.

Krista Ryan: [00:23:39] Yeah.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:23:39] Did you experience some of that as well where, you know – I kind of attribute it to maybe to COVID when the pandemic broke out and people’s reactions to it and maybe when, you know, and then when schools shut down and there’s kids back at home and there’s all this new stress and challenges that we’re navigating. You know, one spouse might be thinking of it one way and dealing with it one way, while the other might be the, you know, doing another thing. But they are not realizing that they might be feeling differently and assuming that each other should be feeling the same.

Krista Ryan: [00:24:13] Yeah.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:24:13] Have you seen that in some of your coaching and how do they navigate those types of situations?

Krista Ryan: [00:24:18] I see it every, every – I don’t want to say every day, but pretty much every day. Right? So, everyone, not just navigates things differently, they experience things differently. It’s really one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is how important it is for me in my own success, in my own growth, to listen to understand and not listen to respond. Right?

Krista Ryan: [00:24:45] So, so many times people are listening and they’re preparing a way to respond, right? And like, this is what you need to do. This is what – I think this is right. That’s a listening to respond. Listening to understand is kind of like where the level playing field is. That means I’m not right. You’re not right. I’m not wrong. You’re not wrong. We are different people. You know, like there’s no right and wrong. It’s not us versus them. It’s this is how I’m processing. This is what I believe. You’re a different person. You experience things differently. There’s no way we’re going to be aligned on absolutely everything. Let me listen so I can understand how you process what you believe, how you view things, the world, the pandemic, the vaccines, and let me understand. There’s no response that’s even necessary.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:25:39] Yeah. Sometimes they just want to be heard.

Krista Ryan: [00:25:42] Absolutely.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:25:43] Not looking for someone to provide that solution, but just to be heard, which I think, and you know, in looking at the journey that you’ve gone on, you took that and you took that coaching background that you had and you turned it into an opportunity from a coaching perspective so that the event itself that you experienced completely out of your control but yet you took that and you established the IRS models that you created. Can you share with our listeners what this model is? What does the IRS in that name stand for and how does it work in helping people that might be going through, you know, either a similar traumatic experience or other types of disruption in their life? You know, how does it work to help them through that?

Krista Ryan: [00:26:35] Yeah. It’s a process that I formed years, through the years of work after coming back. Right? I didn’t even know I was formulating this method until all of a sudden it was like, “Wow. I’m consistently coaching on the same things. I’m consistently having similar conversations with people across the world.” We are so connected in the way that we navigate and respond that it was one of those aha moments and like this is why, this is how I can turn that experience into a gift to offer others, right? Like, “Whoa. This is my learnings.”

Krista Ryan: [00:27:11] The IRS stands for, quite frankly, I is identification. That’s acknowledging that something is happening that maybe you’re stuck in a victim mindset due to an experience, right? That there is some sort of breakdown. There’s something happening. There’s something out of your control that is taking place that is disrupting your life and your success. That’s the identification.

Krista Ryan: [00:27:35] Some of the key things to keep in mind there is, like, if you’re blaming and complaining a lot, if you’re looking at a surrounding and you’re like, “Why is this happening to me? What’s going on?” You know, a lot of that blame and complain is a keynote of here’s a moment for you to pause and identify exactly what’s going on. So, that’s what the I in the IRS method stands for.

Krista Ryan: [00:27:59] The R is the magical moment. That’s your response. So, anything can happen, anything, the pandemic, a medical diagnosis, the loss of a loved one, the loss of your job. There’s so many things that happen on a day-to-day basis that are completely out of our control. What we can control is our own response to it, and that is where that R sits. And that’s what that magical holding places, the R. Not someone else’s response to it. You can’t control that. You can only control your own.

Krista Ryan: [00:28:35] And then, the S is the power. That’s where the freedom is and that’s sharing your story. We are all connected through sharing our stories. It’s how I got introduced to you. I started talking and get in recovering and I quickly got introduced to Jim Mortensen, who is R3 Continuum. And I like to consider him now a friend. And it’s through sharing stories and learning from each other and looking for more impact and growth moments, and what else can I learn about myself in this moment, and how are we connected. We’re so connected as humans through our stories.

Krista Ryan: [00:29:14] And my experience in Las Vegas, there’s a lot of similarities with people that have been in a car accident or they’re dealing with something that’s challenging in their life. And if they’re not, they will be. The only guarantee is that life is full of unexpected events.

Krista Ryan: [00:29:32] The IRS method is something I’m actively coaching employees across the globe on, and it’s not to help navigate through something, right? So, I want to be really clear that that is definitely therapy. But coaching is to help give them the tools to prepare them for these moments to say like, “You know what? I can handle this through my response. What is my next best thing? What can I do? How can I respond effectively?” So, that is the power of the IRS method. It’s really empowering people to be prepared for events that are out of their control. So, when they do, not if, when they do happen, that they have this tool kit to really utilize to move forward from it.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:30:23] Wonderful. And, yes, that was how I connected with Jim Mortensen, our company president, because I remember following the Harvest Music Festival Mass Shooting. R3 Continuum did respond to that to various workplaces that were either involved or nearby. But we thought about all of you that we’re getting on planes to head home and how could our services be further reaching and how could we support this broader group of people who get on a plane and head home following that, knowing that they need support to some capacity or may not, but at least they know what’s available. So, yeah, definitely –

Krista Ryan: [00:31:02] Yeah. It gives me chills. Jamie, it does. It gives me chills because I never even knew until after this happened and my healing took place. You are – you’re so close to me in my home state. You’re literally miles away. And I got in the car and I drove up and I said, “I would love to have a conversation with you. Tell me the impact that you’re making.” It’s just – I was so inspired to learn more. I was thirsty to hear the support that you’re offering individuals that are navigating situations such as this, and through the sharing of stories, that’s how I’m reaching out to other people. That’s how we’re learning from each other. That’s how we’re improving and that’s the freedom. And, really, the last step of this IRS method is here’s now how you can take the experience and make impact for others.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:31:49] Yeah. And that’s so powerful because we do all. There’s different – it might be different levels of disruption and obviously, we’re all going to respond to it differently But it’s how – it’s having tools and knowing that you have that support there. Sometimes you may not be ready to talk about it, but when you are knowing that you’ve got that option.

Krista Ryan: [00:32:08] Yes.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:32:08] And so powerful. So, speaking of R3 Continuum, R3 Continuum is the sponsor of Workplace MVP. They are a global leader in empowering leaders to effectively support and help their employees thrive during disruptive times through their tailored workplace behavioral health support, disruptions, response and recovery, and violence mitigation solutions. They can help you create a work environment where your employees can feel psychologically and physically safe. To learn more, visit r3c.com.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:32:39] So, continuing with some – now, I want to shift into kind of talking about that workplace, right. I know for you the workplace was your own organization, but for others that might be going back to a work environment, you know, following some type of a disruption, you know, from the coaching that you’ve done, how does personal disruption or one struggle to recover from maybe a particular event that’s out of their control impact that workplace, almost like as a whole?

Krista Ryan: [00:33:11] Multiple ways. I mean in so many ways. It’s almost easier to identify how it does not. Right? Because it’s a lot less. It impacts it in all ways. It impacts the relationships. It impacts productivity. It impacts vulnerability. There are so many ways that it impacts the entire organization, not just the person that is going through the disruption. Sometimes it’s an individual disruption. Sometimes it’s an entire organizational disruption that multiple team members are involved with. So, there’s a lot of layers to the onion of what exactly it means.

Krista Ryan: [00:33:48] But the one – the key thing to note is despite whether it’s one individual or the entire organization going through collectively, every single person is disrupted by it. So, every single, whether they’re the one experiencing it or not, they are completely disrupted by it. So, and everyone navigates different. Right? So, there’s no, if I could create a step-by- step and send it out to every business and organization and say when you’re going through this, here’s the steps to effectively move forward. I would love to do that. It’s impossible because everyone’s different. Everyone is made up differently and receives processes differently.

Krista Ryan: [00:34:34] The best thing that in my personal experience I found is vulnerability, transparency, and no guessing. So, what that means is in organizations, key leaders, team members, managers, supervisors, owners, through asking questions without making any kind of assumption. Right? So, even the question you’re asking me now is a beautiful question to ask team members. What can we do? What can we do to support you through this? Because, quite frankly, we have no idea. And that is the first step. Right? What can we do to support you through this?

Krista Ryan: [00:35:16] My learning in my own experience was, it was hurtful when I came back and was asked information and details. That didn’t feel like support to me. That felt like curiosity and it was hurting me. So, there was – and not by any ill intention either, right, by a lack of awareness and me not being transparent and saying, “Hey, I’m protecting myself in this moment right now. Your questions of curiosity are actually hurting me,” because it’s not something I’m ready to talk about. Right? Some people would just flat out ask the questions if I had seen anyone lose their life that night or how traumatic it was. And it’s not because they’re ill people or that they’re ill-intended people. They are curious, but the curiosity was hurtful to me.

Krista Ryan: [00:36:01] So through my learning, I found that the most supportive questions were the ones of I literally have no idea what to do in this moment to support you, know I’m here, and that I will do anything to support you. That felt like support because I wasn’t quite sure what I needed. I was still trying to figure that out. Did I need more time off? I don’t know. Did I need a person to talk to? I don’t know. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to talk. I didn’t know if I wanted to be home and isolating. I did not know what I needed. But having someone actually be vulnerable and open and say, “I don’t know what to do in this moment, but I’m here for you.” That was the most impactful comment and that helped me breathe and give me space to actually start figuring out what do I need, what does Krista need?

Jamie Gassmann: [00:36:57] Yeah. Very interesting, because I’m sure, you know, it’s similar if somebody gets the news of a, you know, an illness that’s terminal. And, you know, you just – it’s hard to know sometimes how to comfort that person and you feel like you have to, I think, by human nature. But to your point, sometimes it’s better just – it’s okay to say I don’t know what you need from me but I just want you to know I’m here. That’s a very powerful statement because I think, you know, it helps people kind of have that – that gives them that ability to kind of just express that support without having to put too many words into it and make it worse.

Krista Ryan: [00:37:33] Absolutely.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:37:34] Very interesting.

Krista Ryan: [00:37:35] And even how you just mentioned like it’s human nature to want to support and it’s human nature to want to comfort. Right? There was a lot of times I did not want the comfort at all. I was angry and I was rigid. And when people tried to comfort me, I shut them out even harder because I was like that is not the support I need right now. That feels good to you, but it’s not part of my journey right now. So, it was the more questions of like, I don’t know. I literally have no idea what to say or do. And that that felt like, “Oh, that’s real. Okay. Thank you. Because I don’t either.”

Jamie Gassmann: [00:38:10] Yeah. And I can see so that that kind of leads me to my next question about some of those challenges as like a workplace leadership, typically has that job of helping employees, right, you know, or being aware of their employees and identifying when they might need some additional support or might be struggling with something from a personal disruption. What advice would you provide to a workplace leader who might have an employee where they openly know they just went through something? What is their best first steps in supporting that employee? Is it following similar to what you just commented on, or are there ways they can prep the team for it? What are some of your thoughts around that?

Krista Ryan: [00:38:58] Every situation is different. I would say the first step is to have a conversation, quite frankly, with the individual and with that key leader, whoever wants, as the team lead that wants to initiate this conversation, identifying that something happened and that there’s awareness around it, and then formulating the next steps. Right? A lot of conversations are happening, too, because employees don’t, or employers don’t know what to do to support them, but they also still need the job to get done. So, they’re like walking on eggshells and don’t quite know how to approach it, being that we need this job to get done. We have no idea how to support the individual. We don’t want to trigger them or make it seem that we don’t have that support in place for them. But this job needs to get done.

[00:39:42] So, it’s really having that vulnerable conversation of given the fact that this has happened and we need this job done, let’s collectively work together and have constant conversations, not one and done. It’s every day that employee is going to be different. They’re going to show up differently every day through this recovery process. So, let’s meet every day and say, in order to get this job done as effectively as possible, let’s talk about what support looks like for you today. And then, that conversation can happen tomorrow because that employee may show up in a different way tomorrow.

Krista Ryan: [00:40:18] So, it’s a really – it’s an action. It’s not a conversation and done. It’s an action moving forward as the recovery is taking place, as they change. As new things come up, it’s constantly – it’s malleable. It’s constantly changing and shifting.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:40:36] So, and from a leader perspective, what are some of the benefits that that employer can benefit from when they are prepared and able to respond to employee’s personal disruption, where they have some of these kinds of either whether it’s training or educational tools or resources and tools in place to help support employees when they go through that? What are some of the benefits that come from that?

Krista Ryan: [00:41:00] Oh, this guy is so important. It’s really – it’s preparing for the unknown so that when it happens, not if, when it happens, they’re able to effectively navigate, that they have something in place. It can also show that we are truly here to support you, even without having something going already happening. Right? So, let’s support you before we’re going through something. Let’s set this up for success now so that when something happens, we already have the game plan in place and then we can start taking those steps.

Krista Ryan: [00:41:37] So, it can build trust amongst the entire team when you start having conversations about the unknown and how you’re going to navigate. It can establish deeper connection relationships. It can really encourage vulnerability and trust. I mean, all of those are beautiful gifts that will help. Those are assets that help the organization grow.

Krista Ryan: [00:41:58] So, setting something up for success before you have to, that is the sky’s the limit for possibilities that will come from that. And whether that be bringing in external sources or resources ahead of time, having game plans in place, you know, it’s kind of like how kids at school go through. They go through like active shooter drills now. They go through fire alarms or tornado drills. They do that so that if something were to happen, if there’s a tornado coming through town, they actually have some awareness of what to do. Now, will it be perfect? Absolutely not. They’ll have some idea of what to do, how to navigate. They’ll have already received that support. And then, the aftermath, it can be the more individualized support. So, it’s just part of – I feel like it’s part of the employee manual that needs to be constantly updated, talked about, and implemented.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:42:54] And if anything that – we always say, if anything that the pandemic taught us, is that disruption can happen. It’s not an if. It’s usually a when. And it’s how do you – how prepared are you in supporting that workplace when it does? So, to that point, if you were going to leave our audience with any points, point, advice, tools, or resources that you highly recommend that they reach out to or that they put into place now in preparation for these types of situations, what would you share with them?

Krista Ryan: [00:43:29] I would share that everyone has the ability. Everyone, no matter who you are, no matter what you believe you’re able or capable of, you have, within you, you already have the ability to navigate through anything life gives you. It’s through the support of others that it can be the most impactful and successful and you can really step into a whole new way of yourself. So, everyone has the ability to do it. It’s reaching out and connecting with others and learning and constantly shifting and changing. Talk about being like – it’s all about pivoting, learning how to pivot through all these changes and you’re not intended to do it alone. It involves connections.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:44:16] Yeah. That’s a beautiful statement. And it just – it’s so true. And it’s been such a great conversation listening to you. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I applaud you. I know – it’s great to see your recovery. I know that had to have been a very hard journey. And I just really appreciate you sharing that with us.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:44:36] But if our audience wanted to get a hold of you and learn more information about your IRS model or KFG Coaching or your coaching services or ask you questions, how can they go about doing that?

Krista Ryan: [00:44:48] The best way to do that would be at my website. It will have my direct contact information. They can reach out to me. I will immediately get back to them. It’s kfgcoaching.com. So, it means keep flipping going. It’s really what we all need to do in our lives. Right? Keep going. So, that’s what CFG coaching is and that’s all we need to do. So, definitely reach out to me on that and I would be happy to have a conversation with them.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:45:19] Wonderful. Thank you again so much, Krista. It’s been so great to chat with you. Really appreciate you being on our show and being a guest and letting us celebrate your accomplishments where you’re at today.

Krista Ryan: [00:45:31] Thank you. Thank you so much, Jamie. And thank you to R3 Continuum.

Jamie Gassmann: [00:45:35] Yeah. Thank you. Also, we also want to thank our show sponsor, R3 Continuum, for supporting the workplace MVP podcast. And to our listeners, thank you for tuning in. If you’ve not already done so, make sure to subscribe so you get our most recent episodes and other resources. You can also follow our show on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter at Workplace MVP. And if you are a Workplace MVP or you know someone who is, we want to hear from you. Please email us at info@workplace-mvp.com. Thank you all for joining us and have a great rest of your day.