Dr. Larry Gard on The Ambivalence Paradox: Why Clients Stall, How to Read It, and When to Walk Away (The Price and Value Journey, Episode 166)
Dr. Larry Gard joins host John Ray on The Price and Value Journey to discuss one of the most frustrating and costly dynamics in advisory work: the client who genuinely wants your help and simultaneously resists it. Drawing on his book The Ambivalence Paradox, co-authored with Tom Bixby, Dr. Gard explains why this behavior is not irrational, not necessarily a sign of a bad client, and not a communication problem. It goes deeper than that, and understanding it changes how you engage from the very first conversation.
Dr. Gard walks through how ambivalence shows up in client behavior, from missed deadlines and topic-changing to analysis paralysis and sudden silence. He explains why advisors misread these signals, either diagnosing the client too quickly or making too many excuses and enabling the very resistance that’s slowing the work. He also discusses the importance of inquiring about previous advisory relationships before accepting an engagement, the significance of a client who cannot reflect on a past failed engagement as a warning sign, and the art of framing difficult conversations in a way that encourages openness rather than defensiveness.
The episode also goes into the question of when to decline an engagement, how to handle ambivalence that may be directed at you personally, and why your own ambivalence as an advisor can quietly fuel a client’s resistance. This episode is worth your time if you’ve ever felt like you were putting in more effort on an engagement than your client.
The Price and Value Journey is presented by John Ray and produced by North Fulton Business Radio, LLC, an affiliate of the Business RadioX® podcast network.
Key Takeaways You Can Use From This Episode
- Ambivalence is not hesitancy. A hesitant client is slowing down. An ambivalent client is simultaneously accelerating and braking. Recognizing that distinction changes how you respond.
- When clients procrastinate, delay, or change the subject, focus on the behavior itself rather than assigning an internal state. Telling yourself a client is “not motivated” or “just too busy” can lead you to enable the very pattern you need to address.
- Ask about prior advisory relationships early in your discovery process. How a prospective client talks about a past engagement that didn’t work out tells you a tremendous deal about their readiness for this one.
- Reframing how you raise difficult topics with clients matters. Language that names what you’re observing without cornering the client creates an opening for honest conversation rather than defensiveness.
- Your ambivalence about a client or engagement is not invisible. Clients can sense it, and if they are already conflicted, your uncertainty will amplify theirs.
- Declining an engagement is sometimes the right decision for the client, not just for you. Having a trusted referral list ready makes that conversation easier and leaves the relationship intact.
Topics Discussed in the Episode
00:00 Introduction: When a client resists the very help they asked for
02:22 Dr. Larry Gard on what drew him to this subject and why clinical psychology applies far beyond the therapy room
05:22 The PhD dissertation was 99 pages. The book is 47.
06:27 The origin of The Ambivalence Paradox and the collaboration with Tom Bixby
08:32 The engagement readiness assessment: a screening tool to identify client resistance before you take on the work
10:17 Why client ambivalence shows up mid-engagement, not just at the start
10:56 Ambivalence vs. hesitancy: the difference between tapping the brakes and pressing the accelerator and brake at the same time
12:45 What happens to advisors who don’t recognize ambivalence for what it is
13:40 Why naming the ambivalence is often the first step to resolving it
14:45 Most advisors are deliverables-oriented. That’s part of the problem.
15:43 The connection between value conversations and client ambivalence
18:52 How ambivalence shows up: topic-changing, delays, procrastination, analysis paralysis
19:17 The two misreads advisors make most often
21:40 The danger of making too many excuses for the client and colluding with their resistance
23:25 Why experienced advisors over-rely on pattern recognition, and why that backfires
24:24 A reframe for missed deadlines that opens conversation instead of putting clients on the defensive
25:44 The flip side: clients who are too agreeable
27:14 Asking about prior failed advisory relationships before you take on the engagement
31:28 When to walk away: the red flags that signal an engagement isn’t worth taking
34:48 Why having those hard conversations is part of your ethical responsibility as an advisor
36:50 For newer advisors especially: you don’t have to handle it in the moment
38:13 What to do when the client’s ambivalence may be directed at you personally
40:59 Your own ambivalence as an advisor and why clients can pick up on it
41:49 Closing thoughts and how to reach Dr. Larry Gard
Dr. Larry Gard
Dr. Larry Gard is a psychologist and founder of Done With Work Retirement Coaching and Consulting, based in the Chicago area. His doctoral training at Northwestern University Medical School focused on the second half of life, and he spent decades in clinical psychology before turning his attention to the dynamics that play out between advisors and the clients they serve.
Though no longer a practicing therapist, his long career in clinical psychology gives him the perspective and experience to help professionals navigate the head and heart side of major transitions. He is the co-author, with business advisor Tom Bixby, of The Ambivalence Paradox: Working with Clients Who Want Your Help but Simultaneously Resist It, written for consultants, coaches, and advisors who want to get better at reading their clients and having the conversations that actually surface what’s going on. He is also the author of Done With Work: A Dozen Perspectives on the Decision to Retire.
John Ray, Host of The Price and Value Journey
John Ray is the host of The Price and Value Journey.
John owns Ray Business Advisors, a business advisory practice. John’s services include business coaching and advisory work, as well as advising solopreneurs and small professional services firms on their pricing. John is passionate about the power of pricing for business owners, as changing pricing is the fastest way to change the profitability of a business. His clients are professionals who are selling their expertise, such as attorneys, CPAs, accountants and bookkeepers, consultants, coaches, marketing professionals, and other professional services practitioners.
John is a podcast show host and the owner of North Fulton Business Radio, LLC, an affiliate of Business RadioX®. John and his team work with B2B professionals to create and conduct their podcast using The Generosity Mindset® Method: building and deepening relationships in a non-salesy way that translates into revenue for their business.
John is also the host of North Fulton Business Radio. With over 900 shows and having featured over 1,300 guests, North Fulton Business Radio is the longest-running podcast in the North Fulton area, covering business in its region like no one else.
John’s book, The Generosity Mindset: A Journey to Business Success by Raising Your Confidence, Value, and Prices
John Ray is the author of the five-star rated book The Generosity Mindset: A Journey to Business Success by Raising Your Confidence, Value, and Prices, praised by readers for its practical insights on raising confidence, value, and prices.
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Whether you’re a consultant, coach, marketing or branding professional, business advisor, attorney, CPA, or work in virtually any other professional services discipline, your content and technical expertise are not proprietary. What’s unique, though, is your experience and how you synthesize and deliver your knowledge. What’s special is your demeanor or the way you deal with your best-fit clients. What’s invaluable is how you deliver outstanding value by guiding people through massive changes in their personal lives and in their businesses that bring them to a place they never thought possible.
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