Intro: Broadcasting live from the Business RadioX Studios in Atlanta, Georgia. It’s time for High Velocity Radio.

Lee Kantor: Lee Kantor here another episode of High Velocity Radio and this is going to be a good one. But before we get started, it’s important to recognize our sponsor, Business RadioX. If you’re a coach or a consultant who is tired of selling and ready to lead by serving, set up a call with Stone Payton at brookstone.com to learn how to give local leaders a voice and become a recognized authority in your market. Today on the show we have an author. We have the owner of the Alphagraphics in Birmingham, Alabama, Mr. Keith Mitchell. Welcome.

Keith Mitchell: Well, thank you, Lee. I appreciate you having me on.

Lee Kantor: Well, I am so excited to learn what you’re up to. Let’s start at Alphagraphics. It says here you were a former veteran. Are you a veteran in the Army? And then you decided to open an Alphagraphics. Tell us about that. How did that come about?

Keith Mitchell: Yeah, I’m still a veteran. I guess I have that title until until I pass on. But yeah, I’m a veteran. And and so I actually started off in print. Alphagraphics is a commercial print shop. And so my very first job out of college was running a print shop and then decided to do military for a little while. And, and so I guess I’ve come back full circle. And so, uh, I love being a veteran and, and doing veteran things as I’m very active in the different veteran groups, but I also love owning of alphagraphics and, and using my skills, my leadership skills and business skills to lead this wonderful company.

Lee Kantor: Now, when you left the military, was it how did you kind of stumble upon Alphagraphics did they have a good program for former military folks?

Keith Mitchell: Oh, actually they do in their PFD, which is their franchise disclosure document, uh, that you read before you, uh, join in. Um, they actually have some discounts there. Um, but the federal government also helps you quite a bit. Uh, SBA has some programs to help you get into business. So I highly encourage, uh, veterans to, to use their, their resources, but also use their leadership skills that they developed in military to, to lead a company, whether it be Alphagraphics or any other franchise.

Lee Kantor: Now, when you left the military and started working and owning the Alphagraphics, what other kind of interest did you have besides business? Because business by itself can be kind of totally consuming, but it sounds like here you’ve gotten a lot of other things on your plate.

Keith Mitchell: Yeah. My wife gets on to me all the time because, uh, I, I don’t believe in sitting idle. Uh, I’ve been a pastor. I’ve ran landscape businesses and, and different things. And of course, being a pastor, I did a lot of, uh, marriage coaching or counseling. I actually have a, a master’s degree in counseling that I got when I was, uh, in still involved in military and, and so, uh, just different opportunities. And so that’s kind of what, where the book came from.

Lee Kantor: And the book you’re talking about is the language of us.

Keith Mitchell: Yes. The language of us. Uh, what I did, and I’m going to tell you, it’s not a fun book to read. It’s not one of those that you’re going to pick up and, and sit with a cup of coffee on a cold, rainy day and just, just dive into it. It’s not one of those. It’s more of a book for, uh, couples to, to read together one chapter at a time and discuss it. It’s, it’s, it’s, I guess it’s borderline educational book because I go through the different things. I believe that, uh, a lot of marriage issues really just stem from lack of communication. And so the language of us is a communication book for couples to learn how and when to talk to each other, because sometimes it’s just a matter of when that you, you talk to them because sometimes, sometimes, uh, us husbands or sometimes the wives or sometimes your partners, uh, they’re just not in a mode to hear because they’ve had a rough day or they’re going through something. And so that’s kind of what this book is about now.

Lee Kantor: Um, in your work as a pastor and you were counseling couples, I would imagine it did. Was this did this become evident pretty quickly where you’re like, wow, a lot of people have communication problems. Like this is this is like, you know, right in my face here. And they’re not seeing it, but I see it, you know, twice a week.

Keith Mitchell: It really did come out very quickly. Um, the, the way I got into, I was actually just a staff pastor. I was actually a children’s pastor for, for a number of years. And I, I worked for pastors that really did not like doing marriage counseling. So that’s kind of how I got into it. Kind of thrown into the fire, if you will. And so I read a lot of books on it. Uh, like I said, I took some education classes. Uh, so I got my, my degree in it and I realized that the theme on here is if people would just learn how to communicate, then they would do a lot better. And so I spent a lot of time, uh, developing different, uh, techniques or, or are borrowing them, if you will. And then that’s kind of where I kind of wrote the book is stuff that I’ve been using for a long time. When I do premarital counseling and still do that, I spend more time on communication and teaching couples how to talk. I mean, we’re we all are great talkers, but us communicators is a little bit different. Communicating is different than, than talking. Um, my wife tells me that I have a listening problem because she’ll tell me something and, and, uh, and then when it comes around, I’m like, I don’t remember you telling me this. Well, it stemmed because we weren’t communicating. We were talking, but we weren’t communicating. Uh, I was probably buried in a book or on my laptop somewhere when she was telling me something and I didn’t hear a word she said.

Keith Mitchell: Um, and so she fusses at me all the time about not listening. And so, um, so I’ve had to use this book in our own marriage many times and say, okay, let’s, let’s find times to actually communicate. And, uh, and so now she gets my attention, hey, I need to tell you something. And and so I look up and she actually has my undivided attention. Or, um, I’ll tell you one of the tricks that we did, it’s not in the book, but one of the tricks that I tell people all the time is, uh, one, you got to keep dating your spouse. I mean, both men and women, you gotta date your spouse. Uh, one of the things about our society is we tend to take our phones everywhere. And so I say, hey, going to dinner, leave your phones in the car, take your phones all the way up to the parking lot, leave your phones in the car and go have dinner and actually look at each other and communicate. Um, have don’t be afraid to talk about the tough subjects. Just do it in the right frame and the right language. Um, and so, uh, I, I don’t know how many times people have come back to me and said, man, just leaving my phone in the car was so much better. Um, I got to, to be with my spouse again. And so everybody can leave your phone in the car for an hour, hour and a half for dinner.

Lee Kantor: Now, are there any issues that people think they’re having, but they’re really communication issues. Like I would imagine this is a situation that presents itself in different ways for different couples. But do you see, sometimes the couple seems like they’re not. There’s friction in an area where it’s really a communication issue. If they could solve that, the friction will kind of go away.

Keith Mitchell: Absolutely. I believe that 99% of the problems in marriage and the frictions that we have, whether it be, uh, in the bedroom and she doesn’t want to do this or he doesn’t want to do this or, or whatever. I mean, it’s communicating on, on needs and wants and desires. Uh, financial problems is a, is a prime example is, uh, they get into financial help. Well, they’re not on the same page, uh, and haven’t communicated clearly. Uh, one of the spouses may have thought that, well, this is important to me. Well, the other spouse didn’t hear that. And, um, and so I believe, like I said, 99.9% of the, the issues in marriage is because of a lack of communication, not necessarily a lack of talking, but communicating and getting on the same page and, and compromising and learning how to, to, to really communicate to each other in the language of your spouse. And so once you can, can do that, then a lot of those, those issues will go away. And sometimes you need somebody like me or, or there’s a bunch of other people that come in and say, okay, this is what you’re saying, and this is what you’re saying. And, and you’re, you’re saying the same things. You’re just saying them in different languages. And so, um, um, and so like I said, I mean, there’s a lot of things we blame it on this, but it’s usually because of a lack of communication.

Lee Kantor: Now, you mentioned that people talk all the time, but why do you think there’s such a disconnect between talking and actively listening and truly communicating, even though we all know how to talk?

Keith Mitchell: Well, um, Gary Chapman a long time ago wrote the book Five Love Languages. Um, it’s one of my favorite books. I read it just about every year at least once. Uh, I love that. And, and in that book, he talks about, uh, the way that we different the different types of love as far as, um, act of service or, or, um. Or any, any number of the, the five love languages. And so we tend to communicate the way we listen, but not necessarily the way our partner or our spouse listens. And so. There is a lack of communication there because I’m saying it one way and my wife is, is, is another way. Um, for example, my wife and I, um, my wife is um, trying to, to use the good word so I don’t get, get in trouble and stuff. But uh, she, um, is for the moment she, she lives for the moment. She, she acts for the moment. Uh, she doesn’t, she doesn’t like savings and she doesn’t like all these things until we, we need it, of course. Uh, where I am more of a planner. I’m methodical. I’m the boring one of the of the family, uh, between the two of us. Um, we used to, when we were in ministry, uh, together, we used to say, hey, if you want to get something done, you come to me. But if you want to feel good about what your idea is, is you go to her because it doesn’t matter what the idea is, is she’s going to make you feel like a million bucks. I, on the other hand, are probably not going to make you feel like a million bucks because I’m thinking about, okay, is it achievable? I’m thinking of way to do it.

Keith Mitchell: And so, um, and so even in our own communication, we have to realize that we communicate different, we talk wonderfully together and we have fun together. And she’s the, my, um, the person I want to be around, uh, most of the time and I think I am hers, but when it comes to a, a tougher subject, we have to be very, um, um, purposeful in the way we talk to each other in that so we don’t hurt each other’s feelings or so that we can actually get something done or move forward. And so I think that that’s kind of where, where we are in society is that, uh, we’re quick fix, we’re text, we’re, and we get self absorbed almost, we try not to, we think. We think about our spouse, but we don’t think about the way that they love and the way that they, um, the way they hear even, you know, Gary Chapman talks about if your act of service, uh, if, if your spouse is act of service is it doesn’t matter if you walk, I mean, washing dishes and vacuuming the floor and cleaning the house and, and doing things like that means more to that person. But if their love language is words of affection, it doesn’t matter how much you wash the dishes and, and vacuum the floor because they’re still not feeling the love because they have you not communicated it with. And so it’s the same way with, with marriage. And I actually go over that in the book is those five love languages and, and utilizing those because I think it’s vital. I mean, our spouse needs to know and feel safe, um, in our communications.

Lee Kantor: Now, do you think that most people can kind of figure that out amongst themselves as a couple, and they can negotiate and communicate, uh, you know, together. Or is it something that you really do need kind of fresh eyes on this and you need kind of a third party to help you guide you at least, and maybe a book to help guide you.

Keith Mitchell: Well, I mean, obviously there’d be self-serving if I said, yes, you need a book. Um, but, uh, no, I mean, couples can, uh, figure this out. Um, I think that having a, a counselor or a coach or, or even my book or something like that can make and steer some things that you’re not, maybe not be on your radar, uh, like, um, like just recently, um, I was, uh, working with a couple. She was a stay at home mom. He worked in construction, uh, I think he was a, a, you know, a manager of some sort in the construction was out in the field and so he comes home. She has been around babies all day, so she needs some communication. She needs some adult time. Um, he has been communicating and frustrating and hot and and he needs some downtime. But she come, he walks in the door and she immediately starts unloading and using all her words and talking about her day and trying to figure out his day and, and, uh, and so they were having some difficulties, but they didn’t realize why, because she just wanted to be with him and he just needed some downtime to, to communicate.

Keith Mitchell: And so, uh, we run into some different things because we tend to be more focused on our personal needs rather than the others. But yes, you can figure it out when you start realizing and start listening to your spouse, but it’s going to take some purposeful communicating, sitting down and talking with each other and trying to figure those things out. And if you get to a point to where you feel like you’re not moving forward, then that’s where you know an advisor or somebody can step in. Be careful of your friends because your friends are going to side with whoever the friendship is. Um, get with somebody that, that really has your best interest at heart. Um, besides just a friend. You know, maybe it’s a pastor. Maybe it’s a counselor. Uh, maybe it’s a, um, uh, a couple that has been married for, for 50 years or more. You know, that, that you know and trust and that you can kind of say, hey, this is where we’re at. Um, or pick up a book.

Lee Kantor: Now in your, in your work. You mentioned pastor, you mentioned Alphagraphics and now author, uh, how do you kind of. Lead, uh, in all those areas because leadership sounds like it’s at the heart of a lot of the work that you do.

Keith Mitchell: Absolutely. I mean, you got to be the, the leader of your home. Um, and different aspects. I believe that couples are meant to be both be leaders. Um, I believe that, uh, the Bible gives us some, some guidelines there, but even if you don’t, there’s, somebody’s got to be a leader. And then of course, in business, uh, just like when I was a veteran, uh, or what, I was active in military. Um, you had to, somebody had to take a lead. Um, and one of the things I’ve learned and which I’ve, I actually, my, my third book coming out is actually on mentorship and, and business and raising up other leaders and taking what, you know, and feeding into somebody else. And, um, I thank God for, for, uh, men and even some ladies that spoke into my life at an early age. And I still do it now as a business owner and as a father, as a as a husband, I have people that I allow to to mentor me, if you will. Um, and there, and that’s, I think that is lacking a lot in, in society today. Uh, we want to pick up and we want to do that quick fix and, um, and so we have people out there that’s got vast knowledge that maybe don’t know how to mentor. And we have people that don’t know how to be mentored. Um, you know, we talk about the 50s and 60s and how tough the, the people were. And now we tend to be, we get our feelings hurt too easy. And a mentor, a true mentor is going to kick you in the butt when you need to be kicked in the butt.

Lee Kantor: Now what, in your opinion, some do’s and don’ts when it comes to being a good mentor and being a good mentee.

Keith Mitchell: Wow. That’s a that’s a deep one. You’re, you’re giving away all my book and stuff. So, um, about mentoring. One is you don’t need to mentor everybody. Uh, I had a guy, a young man that, uh, came to me and wanted me to mentor him and, uh, just, uh, really, um, was was aggressive with it, which I appreciated. I mean, that he, I mean, I would say aggressive. I mean, he was very consistent with it. Um, and so I said, okay, well, come into my office and, and we’ll talk. And so he come in and I said, well, what, what is it that you need to know? And he sat there and he says, I’m just here to I’m just a sponge, which sounds good, but I don’t have time for that. Um, I need to know where he’s at. And so that that relationship, uh, ended pretty quickly. Um, and so if you want to be mentored, have respect the mentor’s time, respect his, uh, his words of wisdom. And and so come in prepared. Uh, matter of fact, uh, I needed some, some mentorship. There was somebody that was in an area that, um, I really wanted to grow in. And so I made several phone calls. The guy was very resistant, really to, I mean, he answered my phone, my, my questions, but he was very vague on it.

Keith Mitchell: And I said, I need to go deeper with this. I need some time. And I said, can I schedule time? And, and, uh, he said, well, he said, it’s kind of hard to do this over the phone. Well, you know what? I flew across the country. He was in Utah. First time I’d ever been to Utah. I booked an appointment with his secretary and I said, I need three hours with him. What day can he do? And she said, well, this is the only day I have. Well, I move my calendar around, bought a plane ticket and I flew out there and I sat there for three hours. Um, but I had my list of questions. Um, and so I had my list of questions. It was not, I mean, obviously the list of questions, it went into some different areas he actually connected me with, with other people that would help me out, um, even further. And so I got the mentorship that I needed. And so, um, um, and so, so listen to your mentor be, be prepared to go in there, but also this is a give and take relationship. Don’t just, uh, believe that your mentor is there to, to give to you. You need to see how you can, can help them, whether it be, uh, making them a connection or, um, even, even some mentors.

Keith Mitchell: I don’t think it’s unheard of to say, hey, I’ll pay you to mentor me, to feed into me and to, to show me. Um, and then as a mentee, You gotta make sure you don’t have that thin skin because a true mentor is is like a coach. I mean, I don’t know, I’m my family and I were watching that Saban documentary on ESPN right now. And Saban was really tough. But you listen to those those players and they loved him. Why is that? Is because they didn’t have their thin skin. They didn’t get their feelings hurt. They realized that it was done to improve them. And that’s what we’ve gotta gotta realize. Um, I remember telling some of the people that come in there, I could see some issues that they had, and I told them, I said, I’m going to tell you right now, you’re going to get mad at me when I mentor you. Um, and they’re like, well, that’s okay. And I’m like, I’m just telling you up front and so don’t have thin skin being men. Uh, if you’re asking somebody to mentor you, you’re asking them to look into and give you the advice that you truly need.

Keith Mitchell: Um, and if you’re a mentor, don’t feel like you’ve got to unload everything. Uh, make them earn it. Um, see how bad they want it, but also don’t hold back. Be honest with them. Tell them about your failures, because you probably learned more on your failures than you ever did on your successes. And so, um, um, be, be truthful and honest with them, um, up to a point, but hold them accountable. Um, I was mentoring a couple, um, actually in marriage and, uh, they came to me and after about four weeks they did kept not doing what I recommended them to do. And I said, hey, we’re wasting our time. And so I said, this is the last meeting we had. Well, their, their marriage kept getting worse and worse and worse. And when I cut it off, then they down and actually started doing the things I told them to. And then they came back to me and we finished the process. Um, and now they’re actually mentoring other young couples, um, and in marriage. And so that’s what you need to do is, is you don’t need to be at the top of the, your game. What you need to be is just ahead of somebody else to, to kind of help lift them up.

Lee Kantor: Now in a mentor mentee relationship, um, who’s kind of responsible for leading it, is it the mentor should have an agenda or is it the mentee should have an agenda?

Keith Mitchell: I think it depends on, on the particular relationship. Uh, and depending on the subject, if you’re coming in to me for marriage, then I’m going to figure out by listening, by asking some questions. And then we’re going to, I’m going to be the one that’s responsible for, for kind of guiding that because I see something. But if you’re coming in for a business mentorship, um, which that’s what most of this book is about is business mentorship, then I believe it’s up to the mentee to come in and say, this is what my problem is. This is what I’m thinking it is. And then let the mentor take it from there. Um, could be just some simple advice or it could be just, hey, you know, um, we need to, to unpack this. Why do you feel this way? Um, and so, so I think it depends on the, on the particular subject, but I think a lot of it has to do with on mentee, um.

Lee Kantor: In that now in your work, you mentioned being a pastor and author, obviously, and the owner of the Alphagraphics in Birmingham, but a lot of, I don’t want to say a lot, but some of your work is as a public speaker. Can you talk about the different types of organizations you speak to?

Keith Mitchell: Um, it it varies. Uh, we, we do a quite a bit of, of speaking. I mean, obviously I fill in to being a pastor, I fell into a lot of churches. When a pastor either just needs a break or somebody needs to come in. We do. Uh, February tends to be, uh, kind of a busy month for us because that’s when, uh, all the churches tend to want to do something on marriage. And so they bring us in and, and we’ll do marriage conferences. Um, but also being a businessman and, and, uh, having some business books out there. Um, I speak into, to small, uh, even sales organizations, they bring me in to talk to their salespeople, um, about sales. Uh, I’ve spoken to some leadership, um, um, different meetings. I’ve spoken at Kiwanis, I’ve spoken at, uh, Rotary Club, I’ve spoken at, uh, several different, uh, companies have, have, uh, brought me in to, to talk about mentorship because they were trying to get that in there, that culture into their, or put that into their culture. Is that the upper management, which was, you know, starting to age out, but they were so tight that we needed to try to encourage them to, to bring up the younger, younger people as well as encourage the younger people to, hey, listen to the older people because they’ve got some knowledge there and they can help. And so they were trying to, to, to integrate mentorship, um, as part of their organization. And so, I mean, I’ve, I’ve talked at different sizes. I mean, um, I’ll be honest and I have not talked to, you know, big corporate events like a Coca-Cola, you know, with thousands and thousands of, of people there. I mean, a few hundred. Um, yes, I’ve done that many, many times, but, uh, um, I like the smaller, uh, 150 and below just so that, uh, I can talk to people before and after the meeting.

Lee Kantor: Do they ever contact you to do kind of those lunch and learns where you come in and maybe do a shorter. Um.

Keith Mitchell: Yes, we do. We do some of those that are, you know, 20, 30 minutes. Um, matter of fact, uh, I’ve got, uh, several chambers that have me coming in at different times, um, that we come in and while people are eating lunch and so, uh, love, love doing those. Um, and so, uh, I’ll be honest with you, my, my passion is more of the teaching side of things. And those, those speaking, um, are good and, and they actually do better at opening up doors so that we can go in and actually, um, do some, some teaching at some different organizations and businesses for their management or their sales team.

Lee Kantor: So if somebody wants to learn more, get Ahold of your books or get Ahold of you for your speaking or get Ahold of you if they need some printing, is there a website? What’s the best way to connect?

Keith Mitchell: Oh, there’s a bunch of ways. keithmitchell.org is my personal website. Um, and then, uh, my company website is alphagraphicsbham.com. Uh, BHAM as in short for Birmingham, uh, alphagraphicsbham.com. You can meet me, uh, my phone number and, and everything is on there. Um, and so, uh, those are two different ways that you could, uh, reach reach me and I’m, I’m always available.

Lee Kantor: Good stuff. Well, Keith, thank you so much for sharing your story today. You’re doing such important work and we appreciate you.

Keith Mitchell: Well, thank you so much for having me on here.

Lee Kantor: All right. This is Lee Kantor. We’ll see you all next time on High Velocity Radio.