Tereza Bansky is relationship coach, HR professional with leadership background and enthusiastic change ambassador. Originally from the Czech Republic, she now lives in Seattle, Washington.
In her career she worked in ambitious, results-oriented corporate environments and European startups for two decades. Coca-Cola, Merck, Air Bank or Bonami.cz are some examples to name where Tereza held HR leadership roles and helped those organizations to shape their people strategy, develop talents, build their company culture and drive change. Today, she is primarily coaching individuals and provides HR consulting to smaller organizations and start-ups across the globe.
As a coach she works with diverse clients. For her background, she is often found by HR professionals and first-time managers to support their career growth and leadership development or by people in career transition. Despite this, Tereza´s passion and expertise are in relationship coaching and her special niche is to help people impacted by infidelity. She helps clients navigate the complex, difficult, and emotional situations around affairs.
Her personal experience with a decade-long affair has given her deep empathy for the diverse emotions and challenges faced by everyone involved in such complex relationships. When coaching, Tereza is grounded in empathy for client´s situation, confidentiality, commitment to their growth and no judgment.
Tereza is Associate Certified Coach, ACC with the Internatinal Coaching Federation (ICF) and Certified Co-Active Professional Coach, CPCC (Best Coach & Leadership Training Programs – Co-Active Training Institute). She holds a Master´s degree in HR management and Adult Education from Komensky University in Prague.
To mention some interesting facts from her private life, Tereza dedicated her first 20 years of her life to ballet with the aim of becoming a professional dancer. When she did, she changed her career path. She has 17 years younger brother who significantly influenced her life, now playing NHL.
In addition to Prague and Seattle, she lived in New Zealand. Change and adaptation is part of her DNA. She loves movement, outdoor adventure, psychology, theatre, yoga, gastronomy, time with her husband and road trips.
Connect with Tereza on LinkedIn and at terezabansky.com.
This transcript is machine transcribed by Sonix.
TRANSCRIPT
Intro: Broadcasting live from the Business RadioX studios in Atlanta, Georgia. It’s time for High Velocity Radio.
Stone Payton: Welcome to the High Velocity Radio show, where we celebrate top performers producing better results in less time. Stone Payton here with you this afternoon. You guys are going to enjoy this one. Please join me in welcoming to the broadcast relationship coach, HR professional and enthusiastic Change ambassador, Tereza Bansky. How are you?
Tereza Bansky: Hi Stone, I’m doing very well. How about you?
Stone Payton: I am doing great and I’ve really been looking forward to this conversation. Tereza, I have a list of questions. I’m sure we won’t get to them all, but before we even start there, I have to say I really think you may be our first and only relationship coach. So I’m interested in mission. Purpose. How are you out there? Really? Trying to to help people.
Tereza Bansky: My pleasure to be here. Thank you. Um, yeah. I’m a relationship coach with a long career in human resources, helping people, working with people. Um, supporting them to thrive. And, um, you know, I learned that relationship really matters, and they strengthening our quality of life and have direct impact on our happiness. And, I don’t know, it just ended up and it found my heart found into being a relationship coach. And I really enjoy being in with my clients and support them to, um, live a better relationships. Be happier. Be more comfortable. Be themselves. And I have a special niche which is helping people who are impacted by infidelity in their life to find a way out and have a life they really want to have.
Stone Payton: I would think that that would be a very difficult time for everyone involved. That seems like it would be a real challenge. How do you how do people even find you? I mean, can you do traditional sales and marketing type stuff or is it people you get referred? How does that work?
Tereza Bansky: Um, yeah. People involved in affair usually don’t share, uh, very publicly. They are not very vocal about that, obviously. Um, but people search on internet, what other stories are what help others and I’m sharing publicly. I’m in media and I’m I send some, um, blog and, you know, sharing some experience so people can find me online. But the most often source of my clients are through referral. So you are in a difficult situation. You share with your best friend and they help you to give a tip. Okay, there is someone. Ask for help. Go to professional if it’s coach or therapist. So, uh, most often I’m found by clients through referrals.
Stone Payton: Now, do you feel or has it been your observation that infidelity is more common now than it was ten years ago? 20 years ago? Or or do we know? Really?
Tereza Bansky: I don’t have data about it, but my honest opinion is it’s not different from the past. Uh, affairs. Been here always, and most probably will be in the future. What I observe now is that we talk about it a little bit more so I can access more information, more data. You hear more stories. There is lots of literature on the market and a lot of courses that help people to go out. I think it’s more vocal. It’s more normalized. Uh, but infidelity was here forever.
Stone Payton: Yeah, I suspect you’re right about that. So what can a person expect in working with you? What does that look like? Mm.
Tereza Bansky: Um. It’s never the same. Buy customized approaches and actually create a process together with my clients. My potential clients have three 30 minute session to get to know me, uh, experience my style, ask any question and check if I might be the right partner for them. If that clicks, we start to design our alliance. Um, we set up goals and we jump in. We start to work. So, um, when I’m coaching, my priority is to first create a safe space, safe environment for clients to be really comfortable, to deeply dive in and start exploring and make step by step actions. I’m often curious, sometimes provoking, um, but I seek to understand where clients are stuck with their perspective or stuck with emotions that hold them back. And I love to challenge them to, um, really go out of the comfort zone, um, which that complex relationship is itself. But I love my clients to find a little tiny step even further that it’s getting them closer to what they really want to move on, but they need to be ready. Um, there’s lots of tools. It depends. Some tools I don’t use with some clients, and I use the other ones with others. But, uh, my favorite tool is embodiment. Our bodies are pretty smart, and I help my clients to understand their body more and listen to their body response. Seek intuition. And, you know, if you are in love or in complex, difficult relationship that is painful. We use a lot our head, our mind, our rational thinking, but, um, it’s usually confusing, and we need to get connected with our body to understand what we really want.
Stone Payton: So do some topics come up in these conversations more than others, or are there some topics you almost always know are going to find their way into the conversation?
Tereza Bansky: Mm. You know, clients in affair have something in common. So it’s always about relationship and difficult relationship. But yes there are some similarities. Typical example can be you know, I’m married. I fell in love with somebody else. I’m completely stumped about what I want and what to do. This is usual start of our conversation or, um, someone reach out like, you know, I experience affair. I ended it because it was right thing to do. But, you know, it’s still hard. Not happy. Um, I don’t have my energy, so they need help to still process the whole situation and maybe change some things in their life to be happy again in their relationship.
Stone Payton: I wonder? It’s probably a pretty long list, but I’m going to ask anyway. Just in general, what brings people into affairs like why?
Tereza Bansky: Mm. It’s a very good question, Stone. Um, and I don’t have a simple answer, but I’m learning from my clients that affairs are the result of dysfunctional relationship, or it’s a symptom of something. And my role is to help my clients to understand what is behind the symptom, what they want, what they need, what is missing in their life that brings them to fire. And I’m learning from the stories that it often doesn’t relate to their primary relationship. It’s just about them. If I give you an example, like one of my clients, male in his 30s, he’s married to kids. He has quite peaceful marriage, and he fell in love with his colleague at work. Very simple common scenario. He felt super guilty about what he is doing. He knew it was wrong and he’s risking a lot. He was 100% sure he didn’t want to leave his wife and her family. Still, he wasn’t able to end this parallel relationship, felt completely alone, lost under the pressure of the dilemma. And that was the moment he reached out. He found me and we started to explore, explore what his new partner represents for him, how he feels with her, what he admires about her, and really deep work on.
Tereza Bansky: Of exploration. And he mentioned he first noticed her when she was presenting her trip to India, and about her climbing experience to base camp somewhere in a high in mountains. Long story short, she represented what he always dreamt of and he never tried. His dream was to mountaineer and climb high mountains on expedition. It represents for him some kind of freedom, courage, a sense of pride, values that he didn’t honor in his primary relationship. Not on purpose, but he found out it was very important and it was missing in his life. Of course, he liked, um, the body shape, uh, his girlfriend. And he found very easy to connect one with each other. But he fell in love to her because she had something he was missing in his life, and he never tried to build for himself. And just this understanding was a breaking point for him to understand himself and understanding about his needs. And we could start to, you know, considering small steps and action that he could integrate in his life, in his primary relationship, to feel, feel himself and feel more free, proud, courageous, um, and not to seek it outside of his primary relationship and family. So it’s just a simple example.
Stone Payton: No, that’s such an important insight because I think maybe like many, I guess I was attaching most of it to. Physical attraction, and it sounds like that so often that’s really not the the main thing. Is it interesting?
Tereza Bansky: It’s not because if it’s just a physical thing, we most probably find a different solution or we change partners often. But what holds us in a fair and parallel relationship is the connection. We get really close, we get emotionally involved, and this is why it’s so difficult to cut it off, to leave that, uh, that relationship.
Stone Payton: Yeah. So do you find yourself working with the other person, the the betrayed partner, I guess. Is that the right term? The the other person? Maybe not. At the same time, I don’t know. I’ll ask that question too, if you ever work with a couple. But do you talk about working with the the betrayed partner, if that’s the right term? Mm.
Tereza Bansky: Uh, I do, I work with disloyal partners, betrayed ones, but also with the third parties, not with all together, but with individuals. Sometimes I work with couples with the primary partners, but it has a special condition. But speaking about betrayed partners, um, how we work together again, it depends on what the intention of the client is. Generally, I help clients to process the incredible amount of emotions that is there. You know, there is pain, there is betrayal, sadness, disappointment, jealously, anger. There is a lot. And and I’m trying to lead my clients to understand that such experience requires, um, complete redesign of their relationship. Because if they want to, if they want to stay together after affair, it’s not possible to continue from the point before the affair started. Technically, such relationship end, and both partners needs to be willing to build a new relationship with the strong foundation. Rebuild trust. Renew intimacy. Greater meaning. But first, betrayed partner needs to process all the pain and emotions that are coming with that situation.
Stone Payton: And then you mentioned you also do some work or are available to work with the third party. Again, not all together. That would be a reality show. But but the the the the third party, there’s there’s work to be done there too isn’t there.
Tereza Bansky: Mm. Yeah. Thank you for bringing this topic. Um, it’s not often, uh, to talk about the third one’s. Usually all the conversations are focused on the primary couple, but being involved in an affair for, uh, as a third party, it’s usually the same amount of stress. Like for the primary couple. Yeah. Um, being third is not something you usually plan or desire. It just happens. It happens very quickly. Um, typically deep connection appears. High attraction between partners. Desire support partners starts to be like, really feel seen. Understood. They get fresh energy and just feel alive, you know? And it’s sexy. You have, you know, I have the right energy. You are alive. And it’s magic formula to keep going in that relationship. Complex relationship. Even your mind knows it’s not right. It doesn’t go in the right direction. There is a lot of troubles, pain, risks and mistress or lover quickly desire to be on the first place in the relationship and build the primary relationship together. Build own family. Being on a first place. Going for vacation together. Spending. Spend Christmas together, you know. And it’s not possible. So it sometimes takes months. Um, uh, and even years of waiting and those third parties get stuck and just depending on what, what their partner do, they completely stop to live their own life. And of course, it has a terrible impact on their self-esteem. Um, they face loneliness, jealously, sadness, helplessness. It’s, you know, there’s a lot to be, um, working on, to go through, and when such client decides they want to leave the relationship. We are creating together a vision. What is next? What is their vision for their life? What they want and I support them to do a small steps towards this vision.
Stone Payton: So at this point in your career, what are you finding the most rewarding? What do you really enjoy about the work?
Tereza Bansky: Um, I learned I can’t have attachment to what is the expected result to be if they are happy together or if they divorce, if they find a new partner, if they make it work or not. It’s up to my client, and I make it very clear and transparent from the beginning that, um, The result is my client’s responsibility. Mm. Uh, I own the protest, and I lead them through the process, but the result is up to them. My definition of success is progression. So as soon as my client is doing progress, I know I’m doing a good job. And it can mean whatever, depending on the goal from where we are starting with the client.
Stone Payton: So for you personally, um, hobbies, passions outside the scope of your work, what do you do when you’re not doing this kind of work that you really enjoy?
Tereza Bansky: Mm. Um, I’m still a HR professional, so I have projects really working with the companies as in-house HR, so it’s the professional part. But myself, I love being outdoor. I’m really adventurous. Uh, hiking, camping, uh, being outdoors, starting trying a new sports and new activities, I love yoga. It’s my kind of spirituality and, um, my body care. I do every month, at least 20 minutes. I need to stretch my body. Otherwise, uh, my body is really not happy. Um, yeah. And I honor friendships. I’m happily married, so it takes some time to take care of my, uh, partnership. And I love to spend time with my partner. What else? Yeah, I live in Seattle right now, but my roots are back home in the Czech Republic, so I travel often. Oh, please. Yeah. Busy life. Actually.
Stone Payton: It sounds like you’re living your best life. Okay, before we wrap up, uh, what tips or recommendations might you have for our listeners who are involved in or impacted by infidelity. And look, guys, the number one pro tip I can give you is if that’s where you find yourself right now, reach out and have a conversation with Tereza. Uh, but prior to that, uh, some things that they should be thinking about or doing or reading, let’s leave them with a little something to think about.
Tereza Bansky: Mm. Um, you know, as a coach, I don’t provide advice to my clients. Uh, I lead them to find their own answers and make decisions about what is best for them, because I don’t know what is best for them. I just create space to to find out. But generally speaking, uh, my advice for our listeners and people who are trapped in this complex relationship, Uh, ask for help. Seek professional. It might be coach. It might be therapist who can support you. And just getting outside perspective and having trustful partner, you can really share whatever is on your mind without judgment, without, uh, opinion, what is right and what is not. It’s it’s really, really I can see with my clients how they feel. They are not alone. So my tip would be don’t wait too long. Uh, asking for help because these situations don’t pass very quickly. And if, if, if if there is a saboteur voice, it will. It’s really a saboteur voice. And, uh, these relationships can be very painful. So don’t stay too long in, uh, in on a, on a place and Just keep asking yourself about what’s going on, how you feel, what you need, what, um, what do you desire if you are happy or not? And be very honest to yourself. It can be a great starting point even without having someone, some professional, being on a journey with you.
Stone Payton: Well, I think that is great advice. What’s the best way for our listeners to connect with you and learn more about your work, or maybe have that conversation with you?
Tereza Bansky: Uh, the easiest way is to to visit my website, it’s Thereza Bansky. Com. Tereza t e r e z a b a n s k y.com or visit my LinkedIn. Happy to speak up.
Stone Payton: Well, Tereza, this has been an incredibly informative conversation. Thank you for sharing your expertise and your story. I have no doubt that you’ve definitely helped me in this conversation, and I would be willing to bet quite a few others. Thank you so much for investing the the time to share your your story and your insight and your perspective with us today.
Tereza Bansky: Thank you, Stone, for having me. It was a pleasure and have a great day. Bye.
Stone Payton: My pleasure. All right, until next time. This is Stone Payton for our guest today. Tereza Bansky and everyone here at the Business RadioX family saying we’ll see you in the fast lane.
