Inspiring Women PodCast with Betty Collins

Inspiring Women, Episode 6: No One Will Value You More Than You

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Betty’s Show Notes

Do you feel unappreciated, undervalued, overbooked, underutilized, or overlooked? Maybe you think you’re an afterthought. Take a step back and ask a simple question:

“Do I value who I am?”

If you don’t value who you are, why should anybody else? If you value something, you protect it, invest in it, brag about it, and love it. In this episode of Inspiring Women, Betty talks about the importance of valuing who you are and how it starts with you.

“Inspiring Women” Podcast Series

“Inspiring Women” is THE podcast that advances women toward economic, social and political achievement. The show is hosted by Betty Collins, CPA, and presented by Brady Ware and Company. Brady Ware is committed to empowering women to go their distance in the workplace and at home. Past episodes of “Inspiring Women” can be found here.

Show Transcript

[00:00:00] No one will value you more than you.

[00:00:05] OK. Is that profound? I don’t know. Is that something that you think about? Could be, could not. But I want to really challenge you with it today because we tend to want to be valued and we wonder maybe why we’re not. So I want to talk about.

[00:00:22] So if you feel unappreciated, you’re not valued, maybe your used, you’re overbooked. Or if you feel underutilized, overlooked, maybe you’re ignored, or maybe you just think you’re an afterthought. I would challenge you to step back and ask a simple question.

[00:00:37] Do I value who I am?

[00:00:41] Better yet. If I don’t value who I am, why should anybody else?

[00:00:48] Tough questions. But you need to answer them if this is something that you relate to or resonates. So today I want to talk about the importance of value and who you are. And if you want to be valued by others it really does start with you.

[00:01:03] Do you say these types of things, do you find yourself thinking these types of things? So someone you know asks you a question and your answer is, “Well if that’s what you want OK.” Or maybe it’s just “Sure.” Or maybe “I guess if that’s what you think is best.” Even if you don’t think that at all, right. “Oh, it’s nothing really, no big deal. Well, what do you think. Well no, what do you think?” Another word you’re answering a question with a question.

[00:01:36] But I saved the best for last I think. Just say nothing. Instead you have this really good conversation inside your head for only your ears to hear. And sometimes that’s probably pretty necessary. So if you find yourself saying those kind of answers and those kind of things when that’s not what you really wanted to say it’s not how you really feel. It’s time for change if you want to be valued. And really we all want to be valued. We’re human.

[00:02:03] If you value something what do you do? Well we protect it. We invest in it. We brag on it. And we probably love it more than…fill in the blank. So let’s talk about those four things.

[00:02:18] Protecting you is first. Protecting you in my mind says anything that’s a threat needs to be eliminated. Because if you’re going to value you, then nothing can take that. Toxic relationships. People who are just takers. And know giving people who have addictions and pull you down or maybe an enable-ee, because you’re the enabler. So when we protect something we make sure there’s no threat. Right? We would if that was our kid. If we saw anything like that we would say no.

[00:02:48] Protecting you means boundaries. They must be set and enforced. Certain things can never get inside those boundaries if you’re going to protect you. Modifications okay but only if you choose to do it. You know it takes a lot more of you and your energy when you’re on the defense versus the offense. So protecting you. Really important.

[00:03:16] Ground rules have to be laid. You know once they’re laid you can kind of go into maintenance mode. Isn’t it easier to live in the house versus build it all the time and rebuild it and re fix it and setup the rooms again and again instead of just enjoying it.

[00:03:32] Crucial conversations. The thing we hate the most. They have to be said. You can decide. Ten minutes of crucial conversation or hours of egg shells. So if you value you, whatever you value in life, you’re probably going to protect it.

[00:03:48] I’m fortunate enough to serve on the National Association of Women Business Owners board. I am the president elect this year and we have a saying, “Protect The Awesome.” We’re going to allow nothing to get in that would hurt our organization. So when your valuing you, protect you.

[00:04:11] The second one was invest in you. Investing in you. Sounds selfish but it’s really not. Here’s what I did when I first got divorced and I and I was on my own and I had some free time for the first time in a long time. I read The New York Times from start to finish. It lasted about three months I was done. But you know it was just something I invested in some time by myself in a restaurant with coffee and breakfast and just read the New York Times on a Sunday. It’s what I wanted to do.

[00:04:46] Spa days, there’s not enough money in the bank for me for that, but I invest in that because you know what it makes me feel better.

[00:04:53] The house has got to be mine at some point once a week minimum for four to six hours. That is investing in Betty Collins.

[00:05:02] I take vacations not with my whole family. I take them with my best friend and my husband. And kids took plenty with them on vacation but those two were the first priority.

[00:05:15] And you know here’s what’s funny about investing in you. Vacuum cleaners in your house are not personal they’re meant to be used by all. So sometimes protecting you is just going, “Here’s the vacuum someone use it.” Right?

[00:05:27] Part of being valued too is writing it out, thinking on paper. I do this probably once or twice a year and I categorize it a certain way and on our website you’ll see some just some tools and examples that how I do that. It’s not complicated. It’s one page. It’s not overwhelming. But I write it out and I group it spiritually, physically, healthy, mental, emotional, and then there’s this thing called routine of life, because if I do the first of them very well then routine of life does fall into place better.

[00:06:05] And then investing in you. Don’t you want ROI. We all do. When you’re 401K balance increases it’s probably because you contributed to it consistently. It’s balanced correctly in the right funds and you probably has an adviser helping you. The results are satisfaction growth and value.

[00:06:25] I would challenge you today if you want to be valued and not overlooked and not used and not go through what you do is being ignored or afterthoughts. Protect yourself. Protect you and invest in you.

[00:06:41] The other thing is bragging on you. You know people either do this really well or they don’t do it at all. I’m not telling you to be arrogant by any means but I’m also not telling you to act insecure. You never underestimate how good you are at something. At the same time make sure that you are not the only topic in the conversation. How you talk to people how you treat your own self and how you respond really talks about how you value yourself.

[00:07:10] This is a typical conversation of a woman to woman or even a man to woman. “Hey you look really nice today.” If your response is. “Oh I thought this made me look fat I don’t really look good in green.” What does that say? It says you really don’t think you look good. It says that you’re not that confident in who you are. How about this? “Thanks. This is one of my favorites. I appreciated that you noticed it.” People will respond to you differently in value differently if you value yourself. Pretty simple stuff but it’s really true.

[00:07:48] Another thing about bragging on you is “OK. Am I going to accept what someone just said?” Am I going to accept what they did or am I going to go, “I think I got to have some more questions answered before I’m going to accept that I’m going to make sure that I maybe have some input. Because I value who I am.” When it comes to your job or whether it comes to compensation, titles or roles, or even your role in the family or how your family responds to you or how you respond to them. Bragging on you. Don’t be arrogant but respond and talk accordingly, how you would want to be talked to. And make sure you don’t just accept things sometimes ask more questions.

[00:08:30] I know that many of us as women will come into a job interview and they will say that the compensation is fifty thousand dollars a year. And in your mind you’re having this conversation going, “I’m worth 60.” and you say “OK.” Men will not do that. Men will go, “I would like 60.” And they might get 55 and we get kind of mad because they valued who they were, they bragged on themselves that, “no I’m worth this.” So just a challenge.

[00:08:56] The other ways love yourself more than ‘what.’ Is it self-serving? Is it not caring? No, I think if you’re going to really care about others and be a healthy person in healthy relationships you’ve got to care for yourself first and then you can care about others. It takes time sometimes it takes thought it takes being intentional.

[00:09:16] So you have to ask yourself if I’m going to love myself more do I want to be rested or rundown? Do I want to be overworked or hey how about barely paid, and it’s all balanced and we share in this? How about if I’m going to love myself, am I going to hope that they rise up or that even I rise up. By the way, hope is not a strategy. If you love yourself more you’re going to have expectations of yourself and “them”…them being the important people in your life.

[00:09:48] And if you’re going to love yourself more than whatever it is. What’s important to you should be important to them. So I would tell you no one will value you more than you. Protect it. Invest in you. Brag on yourself. And love it more than whatever is out there.

[00:10:08] Where do you start? An overall plan. But I would challenge you to just do small changes because that’s probably going to be the reality. I have a worksheet where I have different categories and one of those is what am I going to do differently. What’s the small change that I want to make with my finances. So I decided one of the small changes I’m going to get in the habit of using Kroger’s click list because then I will only spend exactly my budget. I don’t have to go to a grocery store, right? And then I’m going to cut out one meal of eating out a week and give that to the Mid Ohio Foodbank. I don’t know why that small change needed to happen. But I wanted that to occur where I could be giving more I feel like sometimes we spend too much on food and eating out. So I wanted to balance that.

[00:10:57] So where do you start?

[00:10:59] You start with those small changes that are important to you. You get away and you think it through. There have been times I’ve just gone away for an evening and stayed in a hotel. Or I’ve gone away for the day and nobody knows where I’m working. Why? Because I’m important. I’m protecting or I’m investing in myself. I’m bragging on who I am and trying to to be a better whatever.

[00:11:21] So if you can’t figure out a plan you can’t even figure out those small changes or you can’t get away to think that’s not a reality. Then you find a mentor or someone who has success with understanding their own value. You know who those people are. You can look it’s easy sometimes to to look from the outside and see, well, they’ve got it all together and they’re confident they’re these things. I would ask him how do you value you.

[00:11:48] I have lots of tools that are that are attached and hopefully you’ll use them. Do something. It’s much better than doing nothing right. Even if it’s small even if it’s a start. But the tools that are out there are as if there’s the form for making change. Example of how you think it out on a paper. How do you put this together. How do you start the process.

[00:12:11] There’s this really kind of I don’t know I’m going to call it cheesy thing but it’s a wheel of balance and it’s all the balance things of life like you know your physical life, your finance life, your spiritual life, and you kind of fill it in and you see where you’re not balanced to where you have nothing and some things have way too many.

[00:12:27] There’s a book called Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown. And being a non essentialist sometimes helps you clear the deck so you can really sit and fit in and think about how you want to value yourself and value who you are.

[00:12:40] No one values you more than you and you need to think that through. When you are overlooked or you are not even in the picture or you’re not promoted or you didn’t get recognition. It could be because you needed to do some things differently, and you needed to value you first. Again remember to protect you, invest in you, brag about you, and love you more. The results…your value of increase in and in yourself, and others will see it. So today I would challenge you to dig deep. Now one values you more than you.