Intro: Broadcasting live from the Business RadioX Studios in Houston, Texas. It’s time for Houston Business Radio. Now, here’s your host.

Trisha Stetzel: Hello, Houston. Trisha Stetzel here bringing you another episode of Houston Business Radio. It is my pleasure to introduce you to my guest today, Dale Young, also known as Coach Dale, a business coach, author, and founder of The Alignment Way. With more than five decades of business experience, Dale’s journey spans from technology executive to entrepreneur and now to helping other leaders find deeper meaning and alignment in both their business and their lives. He served as a vice president of a fast growing tech startup, recognized by Entrepreneur Magazine, and has built long term, high performing teams throughout his career. What makes Dale’s work unique is his focus on helping entrepreneurs move beyond success. That looks good on paper to what he calls complete and aligned success. Bringing together identity, community, and calling. He is also a six time number one best selling author and the creator of the Triad of Significant Impact, guiding leaders to build businesses that reflect who they truly are. Dale, welcome to the show.

Dale Young: Well, thank you, Trisha. It’s an honor to be here.

Trisha Stetzel: I’m so excited to have you on today. So, Dale, can you tell us just a little bit more about you?

Dale Young: Oh, gosh. Let’s see. Uh, I went to school at UT Austin for a computer science degree, uh, worked in it for 48 years and, uh, also got into leadership and did a lot of business stuff through it. I was one of those strange IT professionals that always liked to talk to the end user, you know, and really understand what I was trying to build. And so, uh, so through all that, I think everybody was trying to figure me out. Uh, I took a bunch of assessments through my IT career. Uh, and I started getting to where I really liked them and really understood them. Uh, and that led to getting certified in an assessment called the core map, which was kind of a blend between the disc and the Myers-Briggs. So I had to learn both of those to be able to do the core map. Yeah. Uh, that led me into some coaching, uh, eventually, um, and getting certified as a professional coach through the professional, uh, uh, pcci professional coaching, um, professional Christian coaching Institute PCI. Uh, and then I got my CF a little bit later after that with the International Coach Federation. Um, and so the last ten years or so of my business being paid as an IT professional, I was doing more coaching and leadership stuff and, uh, did some try to build some groups and things like that. Still have a mastermind group that is going really well now. And, uh, so, but really in, uh, 20, you know, really the, the journey, what I think of as my journey started in 1992 and I was in Australia working for a defense contractor making crazy money, uh, stupid money, as they say a little bit.

Dale Young: And they were taxing a benefit or something. And it was like, this is minor compared to the amount of bonus that they’re giving us. But we were all sitting around the lunch table and we were all griping And out of my mouth came these words. This is just a job. It’s not a career. And it was one of those coaching moments where you hear yourself say something. And as a coach, I’ve tried to catch those moments when other people say something and they don’t realize it and echo those words back to them. Mhm. Okay. And it’s like, oh, I needed to hear myself say that type of thing. And that shifted my trajectory. So after that was in 1992. Six years later, I finally accept Christ and start following him. Uh, a couple of years after that, I’m part of that tech startup that went bananas for three years and then shut down in the fourth one. Uh, then I went to another tech place and we built a team that lasted, a managed services team that lasted 15 years. Um, and it was still going when I left that company. Finally, uh, and, you know, through that last ten years, I was also building the coaching side of things. And it was really in 22, 2022 that I realized what I had said I wanted back in 1992 was a career. And it hadn’t been that. It had been something else. It kept growing. And in 2022, what I realized what I wanted was a calling. And not only did I realize I wanted a calling, but he realized God had given me a calling during that time. And my calling is to inspire calling. Oh.

Trisha Stetzel: I love that. I got goosebumps daily. That’s fantastic. And it’s it’s fun to meet other IT people with IT backgrounds, IT professionals, executives who are also people, people. Because most of us know an IT guy or gal who is definitely not a people person.

Dale Young: Absolutely.

Trisha Stetzel: Yes, I love that. Um, it sounds like you live by something that you say or I’ve heard you say quite often about being built for more. So you talk about entrepreneurs feeling like they’re built for more. What is that feeling really mean and why does so many people experience it?

Dale Young: Well, I believe that God created each one of us uniquely. Okay. And we’re, we’re all we’re all given gifts and talents. Okay. Um, and Romans 1129 actually says, for the gifts and talents of the Lord are irrevocable. What that means is he’s not going to take them away. He’s giving them to you. He’s not going to take them away. But it doesn’t mean that they’re just going to automatically show up in your life. Okay. Sometimes you have to dig for them. Sometimes you have to dig a lot for them. Sometimes some people are Really, you know, some people I guess are blessed or something and that they just know right off the bat. Uh, I did not have that kind of connection. And so I had to dig through it for myself. And I had to really understand how God had created me. Uh, Psalm 13913. God knit you together in your mother’s womb. I think he knits each one of us together with unique gifts and talents, dreams, desires, all those he puts those seeds in you. And then as we grow, we get away from paying attention to those seeds, and we go off on our own way.

Dale Young: And we want the control and we do all these things for ourselves, right? And maybe he’s given us gifts when we become a Christian and we use those gifts selfishly. You know, the gifts are not meant to be used selfishly. The gifts are meant to be used to build up the body. Okay. And so when I say that built for more, I’m getting back to the concept that we all have that feeling. We all want to be significant. We want all. You know, in the words of Steve Jobs, we all want to make a dent in the universe, right? So we all have that feeling. And I believe that feeling is God given. I believe it’s mandated that we’re supposed to be doing that and we get away from it because we’re human and we live in the real world and all this sort of stuff, right? And so I believe that built for more for me anyway, it was really getting down to understanding, I am called and what is my calling? But to get to that calling piece, I believe most people have to first go through the who are you and whose are you?

Trisha Stetzel: Nice.

Dale Young: Okay.

Trisha Stetzel: Yeah.

Dale Young: And so that’s really what the triad of significant impact is. It’s really your identity, your identity in two pieces, your identity of who you are individually, but also your identity of who are you in community? Who are you from? Your family of origin? Who are you from your existing family now? Who are you from your church family? Who are you from your golf buddies or your racquetball buddies or your pets? Okay, I’m going to pause. I had just a little brief glitch there. Are we okay still?

Trisha Stetzel: You are good. Yeah. Keep on going.

Dale Young: Uh. All right. So, um, you know, so identity always comes in two pieces. And brain science has been carrying this out. I’ve been studying a lot about brain science in the last five years and such like that. So, um, the book that I would really recommend for almost anybody is rare Leadership. Uh, there’s actually two versions. Rare leadership is the white book. It’s thicker and it’s more church centered, but there’s a smaller green book called Rare Leadership in the workplace, and it’s by Jim Wilder and Marcus Warner. Um, and those are both of those are great books. The one in the workplace, I keep copies around to give out to people, uh, because it’s so good. Um, but it really does talk about your identity comes in two pieces individually and collectively.

Dale Young: You know, you always have this tug about where you are in a group. And I believe that’s biblical because we’re designed to be built in community, in the church community. That’s what the church is all about, is to give us that community that helps support us and uphold us, as opposed to maybe a fractured family that really pushed you down or something like that. Uh, so yeah, so understanding that then gives you really the who and the where, who am I? Where do I belong?

Dale Young: And then you can really go to the why, which is what I call the calling. You know, a lot of people will say purpose. You know, I think purpose can be a purpose is a good tool to get there. But purpose is only a piece of it. And it’s when you get to that divine purpose that you can really get to your calling and you’re really understanding of why did God create you on this planet at this time in history with the parents that he gave you to, in the location where you were born, wherever you’ve traveled around all the things that has happened to you in your life. And you know, being 72, I can say a lot of things have happened to me in my life. Uh, you know, but they all are useful because, you know, God uses it all.

Trisha Stetzel: Absolutely. Your calling is to help others find their calling. I love that you said that earlier. It’s really sticking with me. So in all of that, I heard you talk about the triad of significant impact. And I’d like to revisit it because I think it’s a really big part of what I wanted to talk about today with you. So can we revisit the triad of significant impact? So tell us the parts and then take us a little bit deeper.

Dale Young: So actually, I probably already have the triad starts with identity. That’s kind of my first circle. I think of kind of like a Venn diagram. And my logo actually has a point on the top of it. So pointing upwards. So the first circle is identity. That’s the who, the who are you? Who’s are you really understanding at a very core deep level how God created you uniquely as an individual and then bringing in the community piece as the next piece. That’s the next circle. Two circles on the same level, the community being the where do you belong? All the group and all that. And then the top circle in that Venn diagram would be the calling or the why.

Trisha Stetzel: Okay. Yeah, I like that.

Trisha Stetzel: Thank you. I’m a very visual person, so I appreciate you walking us through that. And, um, how do those three I like to talk about leadership. So how do those three elements work together for a leader? And let’s talk specifically to the folks who are listening, our business, business leaders and entrepreneurs. How do those three things work together for them?

Dale Young: Well, I’m sure most people have heard Simon Sinek with his start with why talk? Right? And, you know, his point is you don’t talk about, you know, for, for example, with Apple Computer, you don’t talk about the speeds and feeds. You talk about why you’re doing it. You’re doing it to uplift the the person that doesn’t have a lot of computer stuff, but still wants to be able to use it. Right. That’s the why. But I don’t believe you can get to the why without going through the who first. Okay. So I really think you have to start with who before you can even get to the why. Okay. And so for a business person, if you’re struggling with that, why, if you’re struggling with how to get to that, why, back off and look at the who first.

Dale Young: Okay. And that’s where, that’s where I go, you know, and you know, this, this applies to organizations and companies as well as it applies to individuals. Okay. If you’ve already, if you’re coming into a company and you understand the company’s why, that gives you a real good, solid foundation of, of how you plug in. Okay. But then the companies who the core values of the company, the the non-negotiables of the company. Are you in agreement with those. You might like the why, but if you’re not in agreement with those core values of the company, you’re not going to be a good fit.

Trisha Stetzel: Yeah, absolutely. All right. Uh, I’ll bet you there are some folks who are already interested in reaching out to you, Dale, because you’re in this very, um, wonderful space of faith based coaching. And I love all of the things that you’ve already brought forward. So for those who are interested in having a conversation with you or connecting with you, where’s the best place to find you?

Dale Young: The best way to contact me is just my email, dale at coach dale.com. I keep it very simple. I got that domain back in 2009 and I’m going to be keeping it.

Trisha Stetzel: So that’s the IT guy.

Dale Young: Dale at coach dale.com. Uh, also you can look at coach dale.com, the website, uh, there, it’s, uh, it’s out there. I will tell you, it’s a little bit out of date, just like every single website in the world is, uh, and then, uh, LinkedIn, uh, coach Dale, uh, LinkedIn as well. Just go to LinkedIn and at coach Dale and you’ll get to me.

Trisha Stetzel: Yeah. Fantastic. Thank you for sharing that. Okay. Um, so the next space that I want to go to is this idea of separate worlds. Uh, you talk about it, what, what is it? And how does it show up for us as business owners?

Dale Young: Well, I think every business owner that is a Christian struggles with how much do I bring God into my business? Okay. That’s just that’s just normal. Okay. Um, as I said, I got I really started following Christ in 1998. Uh, I was already well established in business. I didn’t really have that struggle. I already knew that I needed to be who I was. And so when I went into business, fortunately, I was working for smaller companies at that time. And so I had a lot more freedom than maybe a cog in a big employee, you know, government contractor in Australia probably would have had a little bit more trouble being myself at that point. Uh, but I was telling everybody, hey, I got baptized. Hey, you know, I’m really excited about where I’m going. I’m really excited about all this stuff, you know, and I got some pushback, but it wasn’t big, you know? And so I just kept going. And really the, the tech startup really solidified it with me because the people that were kind of pushing in one direction were all faith based and all believers and the people that were pushing the other direction were not, uh, you know, they didn’t seem to have any kind of firm spiritual beliefs at all.

Dale Young: And they were just following the money which the money we could see quickly the money was going to run out, so which it eventually did. So, um, so when I went to the other company, um, I knew the CEO was a Christian. I knew the CFO was a Christian. I was just very blatant about this is the way I’m going to build the team. And they gave me the freedom to do it because I brought a, you know, it was about a $12 million annual company, uh, when I brought this contract to them and it was $1 million a year contract. So it really got some attention. And they gave me some leeway to set it up the way I wanted to do it. And I used every leadership lesson I had throughout all that. I’d been really into John Maxwell through that and all that. Um, and I brought my faith into it because I said, we’re going to build this, right? We’re going to build it on solid foundation. It’s going to be biblically based. I’m not going to quote the Bible, but I’m going to ask the Bible. And that’s what happened. And I think that’s why that actually lasted 15 years.

Trisha Stetzel: Wow. That’s amazing. And I, I love that you’re bringing this maybe for some uncomfortable conversation forward because we do need to talk about it. And I think there are a lot of people out there who don’t feel like they can talk about it. And so today we’re giving them permission. Absolutely. All right. You mentioned I mentioned it in your bio, and then you mentioned it again a little bit earlier when we first started our conversation. Complete and aligned success. So how is that different from what most people traditionally define as success?

Dale Young: Success is all over the place, right? Goals are set all the time, you know, is it success if you go to the gym for one month of the year and then you stop, you know, that’s not really a success long term, right? So I think that success, the way I’m defining it, has to be a long term type of goal. Okay. It’s not just a short term. Um, and then aligned is really bringing the faith and the business together. Uh, you know, we talked about the separate worlds. You know, there’s separate worlds on both sides of the equation. There’s the separate worlds of the Christian business owner that goes to church on Sunday and doesn’t think about God all the way through the week. Okay. That’s one end of the spectrum. The other end of the spectrum is the Christian business owner that’s so into the Christian side that they’re not going to actually actively build up a business to make a profit so that they can continue on so that they can bless others. Okay. Those are the people that, you know, okay, I’m, I know other people are charging $2,000 for this, but I’m only I’m going to charge 500 or whatever. Okay. That’s not doing anybody any good, right? Long term. Okay. So you got to bring it into the middle. That’s why I talk about on the align part.

Trisha Stetzel: Okay.

Dale Young: Okay. And then the complete I’ve had to throw that in because it aligned success. Just it’s not complete enough, I guess. But the complete comes from a Greek word teleios. And in Matthew, I think it’s 548, uh, it says be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect. Something like that. I may not be quite, quite on the spot on, on the language, but perfect is really it’s the English translation translation that gets us into trouble there, because that perfect word is Helios. And Helios in Greek really means something more like complete, whole, mature. Okay. It doesn’t mean perfect. The way we think about perfect in English being sinless perfection and, you know, never making a mistake and never sinning, all that sort of stuff. It’s not that. It’s really the completeness, the wholeness of you’ve got all the tools you need. You know who you are. You know what God has given to you. You know the gifts and talents that he’s brought to you. You’re using them appropriately. Yeah. You’re going to mess up. You’re going to make mistakes. But mistakes are part of learning, okay? I always say that there’s no such thing as failure. Fail. Fail is just an acronym for first attempt in learning. Okay? You’ve got to make small mistakes so that you can get to the real significant piece. And so that’s where I get the complete and aligned success.

Trisha Stetzel: I want to talk about you being a six time number one best selling author first. Well, maybe after you have to tell us where to go find your books. But I know that you have something new coming out. Would you mind talking a little bit about it?

Dale Young: Yes, I have the book The Power of Aligning Your Faith in Business subtitle The Proven Way to Clear Direction, Fulfilling Results and Joyful Peace. Okay. And I believe that these are three destinations that every business owner wants to get to. They don’t maybe don’t realize it at the surface level. They may want to say, I need to get to $1 million in my business revenue. Okay, but at what cost is that million dollars? That’s where the alignment comes in. If you get to that million dollars, but you destroy your marriage and you fracture your family, is it worth it? Okay. Is it worthwhile to maybe shoot for 250,000, but have a good marriage and and have a family that loves you and, you know, supports you. You know, I don’t know what that trade off is for everybody, but I know that that destination of completing a line success is the way. And if you get to that complete and aligned success, what you’re going to get to then is those three things. You have clear direction. You’re going to know which way to go because you have that sense that God is giving you, that God is leading you. Okay? And it’s a direction for the long term. You may be taking short term hits, but you’re going to get there in the long term, uh, fulfilling results. You want a result that is good long term. You want a complete and whole marriage and family and financial success. Okay, so that’s the fulfilling results. And then once you get those two, that joyful piece that just shows up, uh, you know, it’s the peace that Jesus said he was going to leave with us.

Trisha Stetzel: Okay. I we could talk all day long. Dale, I want you to tell folks where and depending on when they’re listening, that seventh book might be available, but I know the other six already are. Where is the best place for them to find those books?

Dale Young: All of those books are on Amazon. Uh, they’re not all under my name. Uh, so actually the best place to find them is at coach dale.com/books. Okay. And it actually lists out all six of them. Uh, six of them are, they were all collaboration books. Uh, three of them with were with Kyle Wilson and two were, you know, the other ones were with different other people. Uh, but I have permission from the, from the whole book publishing side of things that you can go download my chapter in five of those six books. So you can actually go read about me. Uh, but I would encourage you to actually check out the books on Amazon as well, because, uh, each one has 40 or 50 or 60 authors in there and they’ve all got great stories. And, uh, you’ll probably find something in there that really speaks to you.

Trisha Stetzel: Oh my.

Trisha Stetzel: Gosh. Yes, absolutely. I’ve really enjoyed our conversation today and our time has gone by so fast. So have one more question for you before we wrap up. Wrap up. If someone who’s listening today really feels the tension of being successful yet not fulfilled, what’s one step they can take this week to start moving toward alignment?

Dale Young: Well, there’s always the first thing is, do you know your spiritual gifts? And I actually have a free download on that coach dale.com/firststep. Uh, will actually get them to a spiritual gifts assessment. And I will give them, uh, they’ll not only see the results, but I’ll look at the results and what they have out on the internet about them. You know, if, if I can find something and I’ll say, I think this is working good, maybe you need to tweak this. I’ll give them a video response on that and that’ll start a conversation. That’s a very easy, simple way to get started.

Trisha Stetzel: I love that.

Trisha Stetzel: Okay, Dale, you guys, he made it really easy. Dale at Dale young.com. Or you can just go to is it.

Trisha Stetzel: Coach dale.com. Sorry about that coach dale.com. And that is the URL for his website as well. I think. Dale, you and I found each other on LinkedIn, so that might be another way to fishtail out. Daleyoung. If you can’t find him, you can always reach out to me and I’ll make sure that you get connected. Dale, thank you so much for being with us today.

Dale Young: Well, you’re certainly welcome, Trisha. And my prayer is that this will help some people.

Trisha Stetzel: Thank you. And I’m sure that it will. I can feel your energy. It’s wonderful. All right, you guys, that’s all the time we have for today. If you found value in this conversation that Dale and I had, please share it with a fellow entrepreneur, veteran or Houston leader ready to grow. Be sure to follow, rate and review the show. It helps us reach more bold business minds just like yours and your business. Your leadership and your legacy are built one intentional step at a time. So stay inspired, stay focused, and keep building the business and the life you deserve.

Intro: Broadcasting live from the Business RadioX Studios in Houston, Texas. It’s time for Houston Business Radio. Now, here’s your host.

Trisha Stetzel: Hello, Houston. Trisha Stetzel here bringing you another episode of Houston Business Radio is my pleasure to introduce you to my guest today, Justine Carino, a licensed psychotherapist, speaker, and host of the podcast thoughts from the Couch. Justine remains a group maintains a group psychotherapy practice in New York, where she works with individuals, couples and families to help reduce anxiety and depression, improve relationships, and build healthier boundaries so people can live more aligned lives. In addition to her therapy practice, Justine coaches ambitious women through her program, the balanced Boss, helping them manage perfectionism, anxiety and burnout while building careers and lives that feel sustainable. Her insights have been featured in major outlets including The New York Times, CNN, Forbes, cosmopolitan, and The Huffington Post, and she was recognized as one of the 100 Women to Know Across America in 2025 and named among Msns top ten Health voices to follow. Justine, welcome to the show.

Justine Carino: Hi, Trisha. Thank you so much for having me. And thank you so much for that intro.

Trisha Stetzel: Oh my gosh, I’m so excited to have you on and have you on the other side of the table. We’re going to talk a little bit about your podcast today. Before we get there, I would love for you to tell us a little bit more about you.

Justine Carino: Yeah. So in addition to what I do with my career, I’m also a wife. I’m a mom. I have two little kids and a third on the way, actually due in June. So I have my hands full, I can tell you that. Um, I was a trained dancer. I grew up in the dance studio doing ballet and spent summers in Manhattan training. And I thought I wanted to be a dancer until I was a freshman in college and said, nope, I want to do this instead. Um, so and then my newest hobby is horseback riding, which has been a dream of mine forever. And I finally made it a priority for myself this past June, almost a year ago, and started taking lessons. But now that I’m six months pregnant, I’m not getting on a horse. So I had to pause that for a little bit.

Trisha Stetzel: That is exciting. Well, one congratulations on the bun in the oven. That is amazing. And I, I love that you are Are who you spend time with. Even in your business. I think that that’s really important because you can not just empathize, but sympathize in some cases around being that bold business owner as well as a mom and a wife, and enjoy some hobbies on top of that, I love horseback riding. That’s fun. Okay, um, why don’t we start with your podcast? Because I’m very interested to learn more, and I know that listeners on my show will likely be very interested to know more about your podcast so they can tune in. So you host thoughts from the couch?

Justine Carino: Yes.

Trisha Stetzel: Tell us what inspired you? Number one, to start that and then let’s talk more about what the show is about.

Justine Carino: Absolutely. So I have been a listener of podcasts for years and driving around in New York, there’s always a 30 minute, 30 minute commute somewhere, So I was like, I need my podcast, but I always used podcasts to learn. I’m not the one listening to the crime stories. I have always picked topics that teach me something, whether it’s nutrition, fitness, self-improvement, how to run a business. So I always admired the podcast I was listening to. And so I always said to myself, maybe one day I’ll have one. Maybe I will have something to teach people. And so, lo and behold, it was the pandemic and the world shut down. And honestly, my practice was thriving. I mean, it was a mental health crisis. People from all walks of life were reaching out for support. And so I went fully virtual as a therapist. And before that, I was such a hater of virtual therapy. I’m like, who would do that? Like, I want to see my therapist in person. Well, things change. You comedy, but I had a little extra time because I wasn’t commuting as much and I said, maybe I will start a podcast now. The world needs mental health conversations. So I figured out how to record, and I bought a microphone and one thing led to another. And I remember being in the grocery store just downloading ideas of guests I could have on. There was no rhyme or reason. There was no theme. It was like, oh, this friend of mine is excellent with this, this, this colleague’s excellent at that.

Justine Carino: And I had 20 guests by the time I was done shopping at stop and Shop. So then I just put it out there into the world and that’s how it started. But it has transformed. So at one point I learned, okay, I can’t just have a mish mash of topics here. One week I’m talking about this, the next week I’m talking about that. How do I get like a listenership here? So I pivoted to specifically talk about anxiety. Perfectionism because I’m an anxiety treatment expert, so I treat generalized anxiety, social phobias, um, you name it, all the anxiety disorders. I do a lot of exposure therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy. So I pivoted to those conversations. Once I started doing that, that also then pivoted to a female audience and it turned into how do I support specifically women struggling with anxiety and perfectionism that are running households and working? That then took another pivot to be even more specific to female entrepreneurs who are struggling with burnout. And how do I maintain all these roles in my life? Like, I love my business, I’m so passionate about my career, but I want a family. But how the heck do I even find time for myself. And like you said in the beginning of this conversation, it’s kind of speaking to people like me that want to have a family and hobbies and a career.

Trisha Stetzel: Yeah, because that feels practically impossible, especially when you’re starting a business or you have a business. Yeah. Oh my goodness, I, I love that your show has taken such a journey over the years. Uh, I’m in the same boat. What started as not where it is today, although the, the premise of it, the idea, the vision, uh, the reason why is still the same. And I feel like yours is too. So, um, I’m sure that people can find thoughts from the couch on all of their favorite podcast channels. Yep. Tell me more about your listenership. So who out there should be listening to your show?

Justine Carino: This is, um, a woman who is really Ambitious, really excited about something she wants to create. She doesn’t wait for people to do it for her. She’s doing it herself. She’s learned if I want to make something happen, it’s going to be on me. So she’s very resourceful and kind of fearless at the same time. That can lead to overwhelm. That could lead to stress because she cares about other things, too. She’s passionate about the business, but she’s equally as passionate maybe about her marriage or having a family life or travel or whatever else it might be. She’s learned that she has to and wants to divide her attention as equally as she as she can. And we talk about the word balance like there is no balance. It’s hard. Nothing’s perfect like cutting a pizza pie. And you have eight perfect slices. They equally get attention. It’s more of how you define what balance might feel like. You might feel balanced working 25 hours a week so you have more time for other things. Maybe for you, balance is 50 hours a week because that’s the priority at work. And then there’s, you know, the other 50% is elsewhere. Who knows? You get to figure out how to define that. And I’m trying to help women figure that out through these various episodes and guests that I have on that can talk to that type of woman.

Trisha Stetzel: Mhm. I love that. All right, ladies, so you know where to find it. Thoughts from the couch on your favorite podcast channel with Justine Carino at CARINO. If you’re looking for the host name, uh, you meant we mentioned you’ve mentioned a couple of times perfectionism. So let’s dive in just a little bit. I know you work with a lot of ambitious women. Those are the women that are attracted to the work that you’re doing. So how does that perfectionism that many of us have often lead to anxiety and burnout.

Justine Carino: Absolutely. Great question. I think for many of us, perfectionism was a coping mechanism, a way to handle life, um, in reaction to any challenges we may have had. So, you know, being a therapist, I’m going to go back in time. I’m going to talk about your childhood and your adolescence and your role in your family of origin. That perfectionism, um, was reinforced because you were rewarded for it in some way, either by parents, either by your social life, by teachers, by yourself. You just felt better by doing things really well. But it’s also a shield from shame. Sometimes we’re so afraid of failure and mistakes. We think if I do everything perfectly and everything well, I won’t have any criticism. No, there won’t be negative feedback. Because if I get that, I’m going to feel ashamed of myself. So let me just do it all perfectly. So it’s a shield against shame. And so when we’re living our lives through that lens, it’s really hard to pivot. It’s really hard to let go. We become very rigid. Things have to be a certain way. And I always say there’s three thinking traps perfectionists struggle with. The first is catastrophizing. We take one little piece of information that can be a little risky or threatening to ourselves or our business, or whatever it is we love, and we blow it out of proportion and we become really reactive.

Justine Carino: So then we try really hard to avoid the catastrophe. Most of the time that catastrophe is not happening. We’re just worried that it could. The second is the shoulds or the should nots. I should be making this much money. I shouldn’t ever make a mistake. No one should ever be mad at me. Right. Um, so these shoulds are like these rules we also create that are rigid. And if we go against them, which we will, because most of the time they’re very unrealistic. We feel the shame and the guilt. And then the third thinking trap is this all or nothing? I’m either a success or a failure. That project was excellent or it sucked, right? I’m an expert or I know nothing. There’s no room for that middle ground. So when we get used to thinking in these ways, we create tremendous anxiety and stress for ourselves. And then we get burnt out because we’re constantly striving for something that we may not be able to actually realistically attain.

Trisha Stetzel: I’m just sitting with all of that information, by the way. Thank you for sharing all of that. And perfectionism is a way for us to deal with shame, which then leads to anxiety and burnout because of all the should and shouldn’t and the Astrophe isms, I think. I think that’s what you said. I’m trying.

Justine Carino: Yes.

Trisha Stetzel: Catastrophizing. Yeah. Uh, but really making things bigger than they should be and the all or nothing. Uh, those are things that I, I know I struggle with, and I’m sure that women who are listening today have struggled with that as well. I do want to talk about balance because I think that’s important. But before we get there, I know there are some ladies listening already, Justine, that would love to connect with you. So what is the best way for them to do that?

Justine Carino: Absolutely. My website is Justine carino.com. Um, so they can set up a direct inquiry through the website there. My email is Justine at carino counseling.com. It will be me answering that. And I’m also on Instagram and I’m always in my DMs. And that is, um, at thoughts from the couch.

Trisha Stetzel: At thoughts from the couch, I love that. Thank you. All right, let’s talk about balance. You’ve already mentioned it a few times. And I think that even perfectionism and the anxiety and the burnout that come from that create this imbalance in everything that we do because we want to be great at everything. So, so many of us struggle with this idea of work life balance. I like to call it integration because it is all just part of life and the work that we’re doing. Do you think that having balance is actually possible? Or how do we get to a place that we’re comfortable, even if there is no balance that’s possible?

Justine Carino: It goes back to uncovering how we define what is successful in our life, and how we do. That is getting very clear on what we currently value. And once we get that clarity, we set boundaries around those values. And then it starts to feel like balance for us, right? So it’s a little formula that I teach women to uncover. And then once they get there, they feel like a sense of relief, right? And we have to be flexible because what we value changes based on our life cycle stages. Just naturally, what you valued as a high school student is going to be different than what you value as a college student. What you value as a single person is going to be different than what you value in a partnership. What you value as a woman with no children may be very different than what you value with children, and the more children you have. So we every life cycle phase has to be a trigger for us to say, okay, what is important right now? Where do I want to put my efforts in energy? Um, I’ll use myself as an example. Life got really easy. I have an eight year old and a five year old and I was like, whew. Like I have some Freedom again, and I’m killing it with work. And I’m going to these meetings and I’m signing up for every networking group because I have more time. And then boom, oh wait, we’re having another baby. So it’s the grief of, oh no, I’m not going to have my time. Damn it. Um, but I know I’ll get it again, but I’m already sorting out. Okay, I’m doing June. What am I saying goodbye to for now. It’s a chapter, but then putting boundaries around those values and priorities for the season I’m entering. And I think women have to constantly be flexible with shifting those values around and prioritizing the boundaries around it. Then they will feel the balance.

Trisha Stetzel: Mhm. Yes. Yes and yes. And I never even thought about the things that we value having a life cycle or a cycle that goes along with where you’re at in life and what’s most important to you. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. How do we how do we go about or even start setting better boundaries so that our lives align with our values? I hear you say, okay, well, I’m having another baby, so I’m just going to set boundaries. And that’s just the way it is. So many of us struggle with that dominant, just this is what I’m going to do. So where can I start if I just can’t make a decision on where those boundaries are?

Justine Carino: Absolutely. So I first want women to like, really, you could Google a list of values. There are decks on Amazon value decks, like get some clarity to get you brainstorming of like, what are the top five things that I want to prioritize? Is it connection? Is it community? Is it family? Whatever it is, once you have that clarity, take a look at your actual life. Take an inventory, look over your month calendar and see where you’re spending your time, how you’re spending it, and if that flow feels good, including the energy output for that flow. And get real, get honest and say, is my current life really a reflection of these values? Sometimes it’s yes. Many times it’s no. And that’s where you’re going to start. And you’re going to look at and say, okay, this thing that I’m doing, maybe I’m the coach of the cheer squad for my daughter. And that was fun. But now I’m realizing I can’t show up 100% to that and the way I want to. But another mom, take that over. I’m going to let this go. So when the signup comes next time, I know this is the one thing I’m going to say no to or clear out, right? And it doesn’t have to be as big as declining a volunteer role.

Justine Carino: It could be little things, right? Look at your calendar. How much time are you spending working outside of your work hours? Maybe we just pick one night that you’re not doing that right. So we take little baby steps. And psychologically, the baby steps are helpful because you’re scared to make this change. You’re worried something bad will happen if you give up this task. So you need a little baby step. So your brain accommodates and says, mm, that wasn’t as scary as I thought. I didn’t work till 8:00 at night on Wednesday, and everything was fine and everyone survived. And maybe I could do two nights a week of that and you start to learn it’s not as scary as you thought it would be. And those baby steps over time accumulate, and within six months, you kind of have a whole new schedule that is reflective of your values.

Trisha Stetzel: Mhm. Which all comes back to where we started, which is the we’ve got to get out of that perfectionism mindset and really give ourselves some grace to do things that we don’t need to do right now? Yes, because things are not going to fall apart if you don’t work for three hours on Wednesday night. Did you guys hear that, ladies? You have permission to not work on Wednesday night? Yeah.

Justine Carino: Exactly. Because we’re the women that want to do it all and actually can have some fun with. We like all of those things, but we have to pick. Unfortunately, we have to pick. That’s the reality.

Trisha Stetzel: Yeah, absolutely. All right. I want to talk about your coaching program because not only are you seeing patients one on one, but you also have a coaching program, the balanced boss.

Justine Carino: Yes. Tell me more about it. I have to say my own inspiration. I wish I had a coach at one point that understood all of this. Like I’ve had business coaches who really focused on strategy and that was helpful, but they couldn’t really relate to the other parts of my life outside of my business. Um, and some of the business coaches I’ve worked with, like work like 1,000,000 hours a week. I’m like, well, I don’t want that. And I, you’re giving me all these tasks and I can’t get it all done. Like, I got two kids at home too. Did you forget? So I wish I had that. So I was like, you know what? There’s got to be other female entrepreneurs that want to combine strategy with psychology. And that’s what I dig into. And I really have found that the perfectionism a lot of these women struggle with block their income. Um, they’re a bottleneck to making more money because there’s the over control, there’s a fear of taking risks. I’m afraid to delegate and hire more help. I’m going to do it all myself. That leads to burnout. And actually, um, gets you stuck in a plateau because you’re not scaling ways that you could if you just let go a little bit. So this program is a three month coaching program, one on one with me where we meet an hour a week and I go through everything with you.

Justine Carino: I want to know your family of origin, what your great grandmother did as a career, if she had one, where they immigrated from, how those beliefs form who you are all the way down to. What do you literally do every day? I want to know every minute of your schedule and see where we can switch things around. And I want to know your business and the business goals you have and what could be blocking. So we unpack it all psychology and strategy. Um, and we also talk to each other between sessions via Voxer. It’s this like little walkie talkie. So clients live can be like, oh, I tried to set that boundary today and I didn’t do it. What do you think? How can I pivot? So it provides that in-between session access. Um, and I have a ton of PDFs that help reinforce the skills they’re learning. I provide resources to other podcasts, books. I just want people to really dive in and do it consistently for three months and come out of there just feeling better about their life overall, because it’s more in alignment with what they’re trying to do.

Trisha Stetzel: Mhm. Okay. So where can listeners find out more about the Balanced boss?

Justine Carino: Yeah, it’s right on my website. Justine carino.com. Right on the front page there. There’s a tab, click it, it’ll tell you all about it. And I offer consult calls to see if people are fit.

Trisha Stetzel: Mhm. I love that. What a, what a very interesting, you know, being a leadership coach myself and even thinking about digging into someone’s history and beyond just their parents, but their grandparents and their great grandparents and the insight that you can gather, uh, as a psychotherapist from that information to help them really figure out where they are. Wow. That’s awesome. Yeah. Yeah.

Justine Carino: It’s fascinating, actually, so much how we show up as a business owner is really coming from so much history. The roles we played in our family of origin is probably the role you’re playing as a business owner, and we gotta see what’s working for you or not.

Trisha Stetzel: Absolutely. You brought up something that I think is really important, and we’ll tackle this last thing before we get to the the really hard last question that I’m going to ask you. But you talked about the control as business owners that that we have. And I think as women we do maybe even do that more so. And we’re not making the type of money that we could be because we’re the bottleneck in our business and not hiring people. And not all of those things where it’s this founder trap. What would you say to the ladies out there who are listening? They’re like, yeah, that’s me. I’m a either a recovering control freak or maybe I’m just, you know, finally, finally coming to terms with I’m, I’m a control freak. Uh, or just knowing that you’re that, that bottleneck. As the founder.

Justine Carino: I, one of my homework assignments for the women I coach is for the next week, I want you tracking all of the things you do in your business, literally. And it doesn’t have to be, it could be bullet points, right? And then at the end of the week, we’re going to look at it in the next session and say, okay, do you are you the person that literally has to do this task? Or can we train someone else to do it? And then we do the math. Okay, if that hour a day was spent serving a client, and if you charge X amount that hour a day, and then you paid someone else to do those tasks for that hour, usually the math is math that you are still going to bring a profit home. If you took on maybe 1 or 2 extra clients a week and delegated some of those tasks. So we take an inventory and then we we start slowly. Can we hire one contractor to take over this load. Can we increase each, um, client fee by 2%? 5%? We do a lot of math to figure out how this will work in your business. And before you know it, people learn to love. Oh my God, how did I survive without this help before? And I’m making more money and have a little bit more time.

Trisha Stetzel: Mhm. When you look at the hourly rate that your your own hourly rate in your business and you’re changing the trash can liners or sweeping the floor. Is that really what you want to get paid for? That’s a big deal. I love that you’re bringing that to light with these ladies you’re working with. Okay. So as we get to the back end, just one last question. If someone’s listening today, if a ladies listening today that feels overwhelmed trying to do everything perfectly, like everything we’ve talked about today really resonates with her. What’s just one small step she can take this week to reduce the stress and move toward a more balanced life.

Justine Carino: I have so many different responses, but I’ll pick one. Go back on your word meaning if you have all these commitments this week and you you’re saying, oh, I wish I did not have to do that this week. I dare you to cancel it. I dare you to text that person or send that email and say, I’m sorry I committed to this, but I’m unable to do it this week. I hope you understand. Period. Day one. And then deal with those feelings. It’s going to be uncomfortable. You’re going to have some guilt to manage, but it’s okay. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to pull back on a commitment and put yourself first, and you will start to learn more and more what to say yes to and what to say no to.

Trisha Stetzel: And the person on the other side of that note is more forgiving of you than you are of yourself.

Justine Carino: Always. And if they’re not, you got a question that.

Trisha Stetzel: That’s right, then they shouldn’t be in your circle. Yeah. Bottom line. Absolutely.

Justine Carino: Absolutely.

Trisha Stetzel: Justin, thank you so much for spending time with me today. This time went by so fast. I want to have you back so we can just talk about saying no. I think that’s a really big thing, especially for women. We say yes to a lot of things that we really shouldn’t or no we shouldn’t, and we do anyway. So we’re going to circle back on that topic the next time you come to visit.

Justine Carino: Yeah, I’d be more than happy.

Trisha Stetzel: One very last time. Where can people connect with you best?

Justine Carino: Absolutely. Um, Instagram. I’m always there in the DMs. My handles thoughts from the couch. My website is Justine carino.com. And if you want to email me, it’s Justine at carino counseling.com.

Trisha Stetzel: Awesome. Thank you so much. And you guys go to your favorite podcast channel and listen to at least one episode. You probably should just follow thoughts from the couch with Justine Carino. Thank you again.

Justine Carino: Thank you. Trisha.

Trisha Stetzel: All right, you guys, that’s all the time we have for today. If you found value in this conversation that Justine and I had, please share it with a fellow entrepreneur, a veteran or Houston leader ready to grow. And be sure to follow, rate and review the show. Of course, it helps us reach more bold business minds just like yours and your business. Your leadership and your legacy are built one intentional step at a time. So stay inspired, stay focused, and keep building the business and the life you deserve.